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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make nanny and DC travel economy?

724 replies

BooAvenue · 17/01/2016 19:10

We are planning a trip to NY in the autumn and plan to take nanny, DD who will be 6 and DS who will be 16 months.

DH and I will be flying business, partially because I am a crap flyer despite flying frequently and partly because we have quite a lot of air miles that we want to make the most of.

The plan is to bring nanny on the 5 day trip so she can help out with the travelling and babysit for us on three of the nights. I've discussed it with her and she's very eager to come, and the plan is she will have 2 days and 2 evenings completely free to do as she pleases, plus TOIL of 6 days. We will of course pay for all hotels/flights/meals out and she's welcome to join in with us on her days off if she wishes. She also gets her own room whilst we have a 2 bed family room.

The difference between economy and club is about 2.5k per ticket, which whilst we are not poor is still a fair chunk of money.

So AIBU to fly business whilst she flies economy? And will DS need his own seat or will he need to go on one of our laps?

OP posts:
KP86 · 17/01/2016 20:48

However, having a 16mo on your lap is less than fun. Been there, done that. Travelling by myself to Australia from UK as well.

If you insist on nanny travelling with kids in economy, then I would buy DS his own seat.

Toughasoldboots · 17/01/2016 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar · 17/01/2016 20:49

It's something that happens all the time and the children don't seem in the least bit bothered. A lot of rich/famous passengers say they have worked hard to earn sitting in premier cabins and they don't want their children to have the easy life handed on a plate to them. And it's quite normal too for children to travel in business, they usually are the quietest passengers there and a lot less trouble than the adults that snore/fart/get pushed! TBH quite often nannies seem to be a lot better with the children than a lot of parents.

OP i would suggest booking the front row of economy or economy plus (so three seats) for nanny and the children and the rear seats of business for you and your husband. That way there's only a curtain and divider between you all and it's less disturbing for other passengers if anyone is visiting through the curtain..

It sounds like you've discussed it with nanny and she's happy with the arrangement. I was an au pair and the family paid me extra to go on holiday with them once. I was quite happy about it. I sat squished in the back of their car with the kids for seven hours trying to entertain them, it was tough but fine.

Having said all that however, I remember a first class passenger once, who had left his twins in economy with a nanny and booked himself a first class seat, however they were both infants and had to be on knees for take off, landing and turbulence, so he ended up with one on his knee the whole way home due to a bumpy flight. He clearly had no idea how to deal with his child, he barely knew which way to hold it.

Only1scoop · 17/01/2016 20:49

To be fair this sounds like a post where the op doesn't have 'too much money' because to be fair 2500 in top of 3 tickets for upgrade is actually quite unreasonable.

I have friends in forces etc that have nannies and aren't wealthy at all but logistically it makes sense.

I think the 'make' sounds a bit odd but is just a figure of speech in context her IMO . What is TOIL though?

MarshaBrady · 17/01/2016 20:49

I got a seat for my 13 month old way back when, I was so relieved I did. He wouldn't have fit in the bassinet. So uncomfortable to hold on a long flight.

All the rest up to you, but do get him a seat.

BoffinMum · 17/01/2016 20:50

Why don't you all travel on La Compagnie, where it's about £1000 per person return for business class if you book ahead? Various children on there as it's popular with parents.

mathanxiety · 17/01/2016 20:51

It is absolutely not on to have the nanny take the toddler to the loo on the plane with her. Plane loos can be completely filthy, splattered with all sorts of gross body fluids, and there is no way anyone who has a choice (or two other capable adults nearby) should have to try to manage a toddler in there as well as do whatever she needs to do -- be it using the loo, changing a tampon, brushing teeth, washing face, applying a little makeup, whatever.

Nor would I send a 6 yo off to the loo on her own unless I knew from checking it first that it was clean enough to use. Not only is there the loo itself, there is the fact that you queue for a long, long time to get to use it. The nanny should not send the 6 yo off to do this alone and should not have to line up with the baby in tow.

I read a thread here a few weeks ago where a poster said she had had violent diarrhoea and had decorated the loo on the plane so comprehensively that some had leaked out under the door. She had mopped it up herself after a fashion but never said a word to the cabin crew, so the next passenger was exposed to whatever horrible bug she had experienced.

Also, having flown transAtlantic myself many times, ime the loos in economy get really horrible within half an hour of the seatbelt sign being turned off.

When I flew with LOs, I took advantage of nearby passengers offering to take my baby and small child for me for a few minutes.

Iusedtobecarmen · 17/01/2016 20:51

Hilarious.
I dont have a nanny and wouldn't have one even if I could afford. But thats another story.
Whoever said upstairs downstairs has it spot on.
A family holiday means travelling as a family. Use your airmiles another time on a adult holiday. I would absolutely want my dc with me as the flight is part of the fun.not palming them off so I can have a peaceful adult only flight (though I can only dream of that).
And its definitely a lot for the nanny to supervise them both on a long haul flight. What when she wants the loo etc? It may be her job, my kids are my job but I wouldn't relish having to juggle them on my own on a long flight.

Only1scoop · 17/01/2016 20:51

Also if you are travelling all the time and money is no object you would always book a seat for toddler without exception.

mathanxiety · 17/01/2016 20:53

I agree with the advice to fly through Dublin and clear Customs and Immigration there.

Alligatorpie · 17/01/2016 20:53

BA offers car seat style bassinets for toddlers up to age 2 - if you don't want to buy him a seat, at least book a bassinet.

I wouldn't be in a separate cabin from my dcs and my nanny. But our nanny doesn't come on family holidays with us.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 17/01/2016 20:54

I think examples (like mine) where families have treated their employees as some sort of lesser servant are pretty relevant to the thread. The principle is the same (to me anyway) treat others as you would like to be treated even if you are paying them. Otherwise, quite frankly, you're a bit of a twat. IMHO.

BoffinMum · 17/01/2016 20:54

I have a nanny but I would feel pretty bad about leaving her on her own with two young children for a whole flight without a break. A compromise might be to do shifts in the business seats so she gets a turn up there and can have a bit of time off to watch a film or have a nap or whatever while one of you goes to the economy section to be with the kids for a while. Then everyone shares the load as well as the benefits of business class and the cost doesn't go up.

Hamishandthefoxes · 17/01/2016 20:54

I've recently done very long haul (uk to NZ return) with 2 dcs (6&8) and DH and imo you're much better off with one adult per child.

Dd was air sick on the return journey and DS was asleep on DH. It would have been utterly miserable for dd if I had been somewhere else on the plane or DH had to come and find me. Nanny plus one child and swapping the child I think is fine though if everyone is happy with it.

rosewithoutthorns · 17/01/2016 20:56

Maybe the "twat" thing is a bit nebulous. Money tends to bring out the worse in people.

NorthernLurker · 17/01/2016 21:00

Incidentally HOW does flying business class help with anxiety? Hmm

LHReturns · 17/01/2016 21:03

Purplehair, while I entirely agree with your sentiment, I don't know anyone who treats their nanny like a lesser servant. Most, like me, are eternally grateful to this wonderful person who our children adore. My nanny is my trusted friend, and will be my witness at my wedding later this year.

We certainly take care of our nanny 1000 times more carefully than I do any business client / supplier relationship, where respect is also necessary. As a family we went to great lengths to get her a British passport, so she could travel with us; now she is seeing parts of the world that would never be available to her otherwise.

I have not read anything that implies the OP sees her nanny as a servant.

elastamum · 17/01/2016 21:03

I fly all over the world a lot, with and without my DC and I wouldn't do this.

If there is an emergency you wont be able to go and assist your own children, you will have to leave the plane without them. If it is a rough flight, you cant just get out of your seat to make sure that they are OK.
Just imagine what you would do at that point.

I can quite happily leave my DC at home - I am currently in business on another continent, but I would feel really uncomfortable being there and choosing not to accompany them. I also think they might be quite upset by knowing that you are there and they are supposed to stay away from you.

jonquil1 · 17/01/2016 21:03

I'm bookmarking for future developments Grin

Op, give yourself a 10hr day, 7 ish of which you have your littliest on your lap. Have all drinks, food off a little pull down tray in front of you while looking after the little one on your lap..... If you can, simulate going to the tiny sardine section lav with the baby, too.that alone won't be pleasant.

And then, for goodness sake, book that third seatShock

Oh, and my dh is one of those 'different' dads....away many weeks at a time, but, guess what? Loves coming home to us. All of us.

Mind you, he loves those first couple of days away-no interruptions while he's in the looGrin but even then he admits that he starts to feel lonely in there. Now that's brain washing for you!

Again, please book that third seat. Please?

rosewithoutthorns · 17/01/2016 21:05

Its the them and us mentality that gets me.

The kids and nanny are in economy whilst i travel 1st class...

Really?

FoxtrotOscarBackToEconomy · 17/01/2016 21:06

Incidentally HOW does flying business class help with anxiety?

Free-flowing champagne might do the trick. Grin

TheWomanInTheWall · 17/01/2016 21:10

Op is concerned about being anxious In Front of her children. I suspect if she didn't have the miles or money, she would sit away from them.

TheWomanInTheWall · 17/01/2016 21:10

... In economy

minipie · 17/01/2016 21:10

If I was your nanny I would be ok with this, as long as:

  1. toddler gets his own seat and
  2. you and DH come back to economy and help out pretty often so that I can go to the loo, eat, feed DS, get a break etc.

If I was your daughter I would feel pretty sad about your whole approach to holidays though. Especially as I got older. It is not usual to have adult only holidays once you have DC (perhaps it is in your circles, but not in most). Maybe once every 5 years but not every year. Most people want to spend all their holiday time with their kids - and I think your kids will start to realise this as they get older, and will wonder why you don't feel like that.

I also think it's very sad to miss seeing your daughter's first time on a plane, that she is so excited about. Don't you want to see that? Or if you will be too anxious, what about your DH?

SwedishEdith · 17/01/2016 21:12

Imagine if the nanny is a crap flyer as well.