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AIBU?

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That consultant said this word...

514 replies

Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 10:57

I went to the hospital to see my results from my consultant. Result of this is that I will have to have surgery that has a six to eight week recovery time. As he was explaining my condition he said that it is very common in " Negroid ladies"!!
The nurse in the room looked at me and shifted uncomfortably in her seat! And I took a second to register if he really did say that. Then I did a nervous laugh and said to him " you must not use that word" he said "what, that is what you are" " what is wrong with Negroid"? I said " stop, use another word". He said " oh I didn't know that Negroid would offend you"
Aibu that he should not have said that word?

OP posts:
Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 12:12

However there is nothing wrong with negroid or negro!!
I said to him not to use that word not once not twice but three times he said it. From that he must have known that it was a uncomfortable term and I was not there to educate an already highly educated professional in 2016. The results I received are life changing major surgery and taking it in was foremost in my mind. Not making suggestions to him on how to re educate him.

OP posts:
GreenPetal94 · 16/01/2016 12:15

In a clinical setting I'm not sure this is wrong. Black is often used to mean "non-white" so this disease may not be at all common in Asian for example. He is trying to be more specific than black without knowing the exact country of origin of the patient surely.

MadamCroquette · 16/01/2016 12:15

White people do not experience racism.

Is that really true? I'm not up to speed on the latest academic opinions (genuinely, I don't mean that sarcastically) but I have been persecuted and bullied for being English by Scottish people. I and persecutors were both white, but I do know that it felt horrible, frustrating, humiliating, infuriating and unfair. I do feel that it's given me a small insight into being on the receiving end of racism and I hope helped to me to have more awareness of how some victims of racism might feel.

Racism is not always to do with recognisable colouring. Many Israelis and Palestinians look very similar for example, likewise many Jews and non-Jewish white people in Europe/Russia. What about anti-eastern European racism by European whites? In those situations you can't say "White people can't experience racism."

var123 · 16/01/2016 12:16

White people do experience racism. I've just been hit with something that will perhaps be impossible to recover from and it was motivated by racism. I may not be able to get over this. I am shocked, hurt,I can hardly bear to consider what the consequences will be. I am on MN only to distract myself because I wake up every morning and remember what's happened within 10 seconds.
However, despite all that, and no matter how much I hate the fact that this could happen because I have different ethnicity, I still don't see a problem with being called by my ethnicity by a doctor.

Twinkie1 · 16/01/2016 12:17

I've typed that word many times in medical notes, it's normal for doctors to use proper anthropological terms.

Mind you I've also typed 'big eared cunt' in a medical note but that was the patient calling the doctor it so we all thought it quite funny!

OurBlanche · 16/01/2016 12:20

Twinkle Smile

Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 12:20

He also said that he is letting me know that it's unfortunate for me that if I was to meet MrWright who would treat me like a princess, take me out and buy me nice things fall in love together that I will not be able to give him a baby as a token of our love!!
Don't mean to drip feed but thought this wasn't relevant until pp mentioned him being sexist.

OP posts:
Holowiwi · 16/01/2016 12:20

"White people experience racism too" that comment is the same as saying Men experience sexism too. Think long and hard about it.

OurBlanche · 16/01/2016 12:21

Oops!

Twinkie1 Grin

Holowiwi · 16/01/2016 12:22

Black does not mean non white I have never heard of an Asian person being referred to as black???

Sussexsavvy · 16/01/2016 12:24

I posted too quickly :) but just as a few other posters have said, consultants will often mention ethnic group when explaining why you have or your chances of having certain illnesses because some are more common amongst certain races.

Sussexsavvy · 16/01/2016 12:26

Oz now that is highly inappropriate and quite frankly an awful thing to say to you.

tomatodizzy · 16/01/2016 12:26

I think this just shows two things, firstly he lacks bedside manner and secondly he doesn't know the language customs of the country he is in. I'm a bit Hmm at Greek origin, he could be from anywhere non-English. That is not an excuse though.

I live in Brazil, I would NEVER call a black person here Black, it is extremely offensive. The term Negroid (alternative) would br correct, polite and acceptable. I find it horrible to do so, to me it sounds derogatory. But I need to accept that my reality and their reality are different. The English speaking world transformed the term Negroid into a related slang term which is derogatory, other languages have not.

In terms of lacking bedside manner. When pregnant and living in the US I went to see my obstetrician. He said to me that he was going to test for Spina bifida because and I qoute "British people are more prone to Spina bifida" I left thinking WTAF? I could find no mention of this online and he probably read it in a journal. He was more interested in showing off his medical knowledge than good bedside manner. It sounds like your doctor was the same! There is no need for those type of comments, as if the patient is just an object of study and curiosity!

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 16/01/2016 12:27

It was quite common in left wing circles in the 80's. There's a pressure group called Southhall Black sisters who are mainly South Asian origin.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 16/01/2016 12:28

Pp was to holowiwi

Supermanspants · 16/01/2016 12:29

"White people experience racism too..... ffs"

My sister does. Regularly. I have also been on the receiving need of racist comments when visiting her. I have also been an uncomfortable witness to a white female trying to read her book in a London park one sunny afternoon and being subjected to a barrage of racist comments from a group of Asian men.

SirBoobAlot · 16/01/2016 12:30

White people cannot experience racism, because they are not victim to the long standing social construct that underlies racist beliefs or actions. White people can be on the receiving end of racially motivated attacks and stereotypes, but that is completely different from the day to day racist actions against POC.

Saying "white people experience racism too" is the same as people shouting "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!" when discussing women. It's bullshit.

TheSpottedZebra · 16/01/2016 12:30

Goodness me, that is literally unbelievable!

Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 12:31

I'm putting my health above any future partners potential desire to have children. I don't think it was his place to make those comments about Mr Wright

OP posts:
LordEmsworth · 16/01/2016 12:32

Well, the first problem is the implication that all black people are basically the same, which is as ridiculous that saying all white people are basically the same. A medical condition that is prevalent in Afro Caribbean women, for example, is not necessarily also going to be prevalent in Australian Aboriginal women or vice versa. So it was a lazy thing to say that offers no help in explaining the condition.

Socially and culturally, for those of you who quite bizarrely seem not to have noticed this, the underlying (note, not proven) "science" has often been used to support some extremely offensive, and worse than offensive, words and actions. The supposed "scientific" principles have been appropriated to justify why some races are better than others. 1930s Germany, 1950s America; consequently there is now a strong association with words like negroid/negro and mongoloid/mongol with being not just "different to the norm" but sub par, less than normal, and unworthy. The theory (note, theory, not proven scientific fact) is based on the fundamental assumption that different sub-species developed - some more than others - and you can tell how well-developed a species someone belongs to by looking at their physical characteristics.

This is why they the words are so little used nowadays - the meaning they had for the Victorian anthropologists who formed the theory and gave the names, is not the same as the meaning they have today. Word meanings change and develop, English is a living language.

I am beyond astonished that anyone would think it's ok, in any setting. It is not appropriate, and not helpful, and could be offensive. Presumably he knows the OP's racial background and could have used that, which would have been inoffensive, appropriate and helpful - the fact he chose not to suggests at best, a lack of concern for his patient's feelings.

SirBoobAlot · 16/01/2016 12:35

Having read your updates about the doctor in question, he sounds like an absolute knob.

RiverTam · 16/01/2016 12:35

I'm a bit Hmm at all the Hmm comments about him being 'maybe Greek'. It can be perfectly possible to guess someone's country of origin from their name and their looks - some of us wear our nationality very obviously. You would be unlikely to confuse a Swede with an Italian, but I guess on MN it's racist to say so. If he wasn't British that may explain his choice of words. Or it might not.

RedToothBrush · 16/01/2016 12:36

Saying simply 'common in your particular ethnic group' offends no one of any group and gets the message across.

Job done.

The guy was a dick and should know how to express issues like this in a neutral way. Scientific or not, its not appropriate for patients.

MadamCroquette · 16/01/2016 12:40

"White people experience racism too" that comment is the same as saying Men experience sexism too. Think long and hard about it.

Saying "white people experience racism too" is the same as people shouting "BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!" when discussing women. It's bullshit.

I'm a feminist and I do understand the "what about the menz" type /MRA type behaviour and how it is used as a form of control.

BUT I also think men can experience sexism. Men are bound up in the innate and subliminal expectations of both genders. Men are privileged overall, but that doesn't mean sexism can't affect them negatively.

For example boy at school gets isolated/expelled for having past-collar-length hair, girl doesn't. Plain and simple sexism.

For example men's suicide rates are high largely because of the patriarchal expectations placed on men not to show weakness or discuss emotion or ask for help.

If you say white people can't experience racism, that's very a unsubtle and fixed, and very skin-colour-based approach. There are situations where there is white-on-white racism rooted in centuries of long-standing social construct. I give you Nazi Germany. If you have to make people wear a yellow star to show they are Jewish then it's not about appearance, is it?

Plus if you say by definition white people can never be racist to black people, you're excluding the possibility of that long-standing social construct ever changing. You're saying that innately, black people are lower down the social ladder and white people are higher therefore the construct can never allow white people to be victims. Which is in itself racist.

MadamCroquette · 16/01/2016 12:42

Plus if you say by definition white people can never be racist to black people,

Argh apologies I got that they wrong way round I meant

Plus if you say by definition black people can never be racist to white people...

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