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AIBU?

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Original poster

That consultant said this word...

514 replies

Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 10:57

I went to the hospital to see my results from my consultant. Result of this is that I will have to have surgery that has a six to eight week recovery time. As he was explaining my condition he said that it is very common in " Negroid ladies"!!
The nurse in the room looked at me and shifted uncomfortably in her seat! And I took a second to register if he really did say that. Then I did a nervous laugh and said to him " you must not use that word" he said "what, that is what you are" " what is wrong with Negroid"? I said " stop, use another word". He said " oh I didn't know that Negroid would offend you"
Aibu that he should not have said that word?

OP posts:
laurierf · 16/01/2016 13:50

Ok Madam - if you felt your experience helped you understand that all people are human and are capable of the same feelings, then I'm sorry it upset you but, um, at least there was some sort of silver lining… Confused

WilLiAmHerschel · 16/01/2016 13:53

He sounds like a bit of a dinosaur with old-fashioned (as in pre-1950s) views. You could forgive him the first time he said it; he genuinely might have thought it was acceptable or even the better way of saying black. He certainly shouldn't have continued after you told him to stop.

I hope your operation goes well op. Sorry to hear you're suffering but I hope you get the best possible result.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/01/2016 13:53

"IME only people from exceptionally white and/or uneducated communities think that 'black' can refer to e.g. South Asians, and even then they quickly realise that this is not the case if they venture out of said communities."

No, I completely disagree. The people I've seen using it are anti-racist campaigners and the like. I think it's to do with having a similar experience.

BeaufortBelle · 16/01/2016 13:55

OP - he eventually said he didn't realise you would find it offensive so he did take note of your concern but not as quickly as you would have liked. He hopefully has reflected and will use his words/descriptors more carefully in future. If you remain concerned I think a polite note directly from you to him would be the way forward. But in the meantime I think I would focus on your health condition and his capabilities assuming he is the surgeon that will carry out your operation. If I were you I'd go to your GP, explain how upset you are and ask your GP if it is possible to find out some information about his outcomes, how long he has worked for the Trust and his general reputation as a doctor. If he is one of the best in his field, I'd let it drop because the most important thing is the best possible clinical outcome for your condition.

Once your condition is resolved then I would think about taking it further if necessary. He may be privately upset that he has upset you - ime some of the brusquest people are actually the most sincere. In this experience it doesn't seem that he was purposefully rude or made inappropriate comments along the "a woman of your age needs to get on with reproducing because that's what your body was made for" lines. Or the, "what does your husband say it feels like up there". Both of which I have heard about.

What experience has taught me is that jam catches more flies than vinegar and a quiet, constructive conversation that also acknowledges somebody's strengths and good points is far more likely to achieve change than a formal complaint or anything done in hatred or anger.

A long time ago our local hospital hired an Asian lady gynaecologist/obstetrician to ensure equal opportunity of access for the Asian population. This related to IVF. I could never get my head around that one on the basis that I would have thought the trust should always hire the person capable of the best possible outcomes for the patient and providing that was offered it was entirely up to the patient whether or not they chose to seek the treatment available. It didn't sit right with me that any patient should be able to dictate who was hired on the basis of culture or colour nor that the decision meant that all the population was treated by a specialist who did not have the highest success rates. Where in that was equality?

I hope your treatment goes well OP and that you will let us fellow Mnetters know how you get along.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/01/2016 13:55

MrsDeVere, which one of my comments are you answering?

WilLiAmHerschel · 16/01/2016 13:57

Black is often used to mean "non-white" so this disease may not be at all common in Asian for example. He is trying to be more specific than black without knowing the exact country of origin of the patient surely.?

I have never heard black used to describe Asian or any other nonwhite skinned people. If he wanted to be really specific would it not have been best to say "women of Afro-Carribbean backgrounds"?

MadamCroquette · 16/01/2016 13:58

Ok Madam - if you felt your experience helped you understand that all people are human and are capable of the same feelings, then I'm sorry it upset you but, um, at least there was some sort of silver lining…

Hmm No, I had that understanding already, and it informed how I saw the situation. It made me think, god being treated like this really hurts in XYZ ways and perhaps that can give me a tiny glimpse of how it is for some others.

Obviously I knew it sucked, but experiencing it possibly gave me more insight.

timemaychangeme · 16/01/2016 14:04

Good grief, he sounds an idiot. I'm 55 and I've never heard anyone (medical or otherwise) refer to someone as Negroid. As others have said, there are so many up-to-date and appropriate terms he could have chosen. And to keep going after you asked him not to use it, is very rude.

The bit about Mr Wright and babies! I'm speechless. I think I'd be writing a letter of complaint. He needs further training regarding equality, sexism and knobism.

marcopront · 16/01/2016 14:19

I've heard Indians refer to people from the South of India as black.

JessieMcJessie · 16/01/2016 14:20

BeaufortBelle I presume that you had objective data available to you which showed that this female gynaecologist to whom you refer had worse outcomes than other candidates?

If receiving NHS treatment, I would be happy to be treated by anyone who had passed the right exams, had enough hours' experience and had no negligence on their record. If Asian women were refusing treatment as they wanted to be seen only by a female Asian doctor then it sounds great that the Trust hired one. That in itself gave her the unique ability to achieve better outcomes for more people.

I am willing to be corrected but can stats on "outcomes" per individual doctor really be an exact science that allows direct comparison between individuals?

By the way "lady gynaecologist" sounds a bit old- fashioned or childish and has undertones of "not quite as good as a male one". What's wrong with "female"?

jay55 · 16/01/2016 14:22

Afro is a hair type not a type of person ffs.

And those saying whites don't experience racism, the Irish were clearly discriminated against routinely.

Op I'm sorry he was so crass and wouldn't just shut the fuck up when you asked him not to use that word. Clearly you had enough to worry about.

tb · 16/01/2016 14:29

Niger, nigra, nigrum - it's a latin adjective meaning black in its first person singular masculine, feminine and neuter forms. As others have said, used in its correct anthropological sense.

If you don't like him, you don't have to take up the intervention offered.

Job done!

AlwaysBeYourself · 16/01/2016 14:30

MrTiddlestheFatCat SirBoobAlot White people do experience racisim. The Welsh are subjected to racisim and it is part of their history.

fidel1ne · 16/01/2016 14:32

No, I completely disagree. The people I've seen using it are anti-racist campaigners and the like. I think it's to do with having a similar experience.

Yes, I've heard that usage too.

Original poster
Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 14:32

"That is what you are" actually I'm a human being who has been told that I need surgery. Instead the word was used three times and have been told that Mr Right won't be having a baby with me at any point. Can it be put down to the consultants age? No because I objected to the word the first time but he carried on! Can the Mr Right comment be put down to his age? No because this is not a Mills and Boon scenario.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/01/2016 14:33

tb patients are entitled to decency and respect. I think your comment is ridiculous.

ComposHatComesBack · 16/01/2016 14:35

White people do experience racisim. The Welsh are subjected to racisim and it is part of their history

In that context they are experiencing xenophobia, not racism. Welsh is not a racial category.

Original poster
Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 14:35

Today 14:29 tb

Niger, nigra, nigrum - it's a latin adjective meaning black in its first person singular masculine, feminine and neuter forms. As others have said, used in its correct anthropological sense.

If you don't like him, you don't have to take up the intervention offered.

Job done!

Is this your way of saying put up and shut up.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/01/2016 14:36

It certainly sounds like it.

fidel1ne · 16/01/2016 14:40

tb

WHY would you ever use anything other than 'of European heritage', 'of South Asian heritage' etc, though? So much easier and uncontentious.

Or if the significance is in skin tone (dermatological something or the other) just say 'darker skins'. It's not hard.

Practising medicine is not just science, it is healthcare.

Can it be put down to the consultants age? No because I objected to the word the first time but he carried on! Can the Mr Right comment be put down to his age? No because this is not a Mills and Boon scenario

I suspect OP that it was the shock of being challenged that caused him to dig deeper. Consultants aren't used to it.

Katarzyna79 · 16/01/2016 14:41

what would south asians be called?

I reckon he was old fashioned or no common sense or just a racist only you know hy his manners i didnt see him. I like to think he lacked common sense since the more academic a person ive noticed they lose that least my brother has lol.

Id feel bad saying black too but id proB use that term or say ethnic minorities.

I recall paeduatrician saying mongolian blue spot common in ethnic minorities i was just itchinv to say brown ppl or p word he wouldnt make eye contact lol all my kids had blue bottoms 3 year olds still looks bit blue lol.

Never been called mongoloid always "ethnic minorities"which is obscure

Original poster
Ozwizard · 16/01/2016 14:42

Tb your post is unnecessary

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 16/01/2016 14:46

"
In that context they are experiencing xenophobia, not racism. Welsh is not a racial category."

Sociologists think race is a social construct anyway so any group can be classed as other and suffer racism. It's not really about whether the group is a different race, but about whether they are treated as a different race by those discriminating against them. For example, travellers (whether English, Irish or whatever) are included in anti-discrimination law, but they are not always considered a different race. I'm not sure I'm making myself clear...

AlwaysBeYourself · 16/01/2016 14:47

Under the definition of racism I believe that the Welsh discriminated against. History shows us (in my parents day) that children in schools were not allowed to speak their own native language by the English and were treated abhorrently for doing so. " The Welsh knot." Luckily the Welsh language survived and is spoken every day in the area I live in but we are regularly criticised by English visitors for doing so. We are called names (Taff, Boyo) which is deemed racist.

JessieMcJessie · 16/01/2016 14:48

I'm also struggling to understand the relevance of the consultant going into detail about the types of people most prone to her condition. How does that affect her treatment?

Even if it is incredibly rare for someone of her ethnicity to get it, the treatment will still be the same. The prevalence of the condition is surely just an academic issue for him when learning how to diagnose. Which makes it even more inappropriate for him to focus on this- a bit victim- blamey really.