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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel weird about giving my friend money?

77 replies

Lemond1fficult · 15/01/2016 18:12

A friend has recently sent out a crowdfunding request for her professional qualification, and I'm struggling with whether I should contribute (and how much, if so).

On one hand, i've always believed in helping people out where you can. She's done really well in her first degree, but has a lot of bad debt from her youth, so can't get credit. I have every reason to trust that she'll use the money wisely. We're good friends, though I don't see her more than a few times a year.

On the other hand, I've always been raised to think money is poisonous to a friendship, whether that's giving, lending or borrowing. I also feel as if I'm being asked to put a price on our friendship (hence question about how much to give). And I know from experience, financial favours often don't endear you to the recipient.

We both come from similarly poor backgrounds, and put ourselves through uni as mature students. I've just started being well-paid for what I do (think lower income bracket, but healthy), and have some savings so in theory I can afford it. But I do have student debt and elderly parents with no pension, so that's always at the back of my mind.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 15/01/2016 18:13

She wants other people to fund her studying for a degree? Instead of using the one she has?

YANBU. I wouldn't.

lavenderhoney · 15/01/2016 18:17

maybe I should have crowd funded my divorce!

Don't if you can't- will you get it back? If you have debt, pay that off first?

You could send her food parcels instead?

ilovesooty · 15/01/2016 18:18

It's for her professional qualification not another degree

I wasn't entitled to funding for mine and I'm still paying off the money I borrowed. I can't imagine having the cheek to beg from other people.

SleepWalkingToTheGrave · 15/01/2016 18:18

You don't have to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.

ilovesooty · 15/01/2016 18:19

lavender I was divorced at the same time so still paying that back too.

SerenityReynolds · 15/01/2016 18:21

These crowdfunding things are getting out of control! Confused. What happened to people saving up money themselves for things they wanted, or going without?

What Alice said. With bells on. It's not your responsibility to subsidise her for her career. She's an adult ffs. And you're right, friendships and money are best kept separate, barring exceptional circumstances.

Redglitter · 15/01/2016 18:23

Sorry but I wouldn't even consider it. Most of the people I've experienced who Crowd Fund are absolute chancers.

Cloppysow · 15/01/2016 18:25

Nope. Just nope.

enderwoman · 15/01/2016 18:26

Yanbu.
I think that if I had funded a friend's qualification it would change the dynamic. Imagine if she didn't pass, work hard or quit before completion?

expatinscotland · 15/01/2016 18:29

Just don't give anything! It's a request, that's all.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/01/2016 18:29

It makes me cringe a bit. I wouldn't, I don't think.

Lemond1fficult · 15/01/2016 18:32

Thanks ladies. My main worry is that it would affect our friendship - I don't want to get all Daily Mail on her if she ever decided to treat herself. Her finances shouldn't be any of my business.

OP posts:
Wristy · 15/01/2016 18:32

Eh??? Really?? How much is this qualification?

Presumably the qualifications she already has could get her a job in order to pay for it herself, no? What has happened to people taking responsibility for themselves and they're spending?

Sorry, so many questions- I'm just flabbergasted!!

Bailey101 · 15/01/2016 18:33

Do people seriously have the brass neck to expect people to fund things like this Shock. I've just forked out several thousand to do a professional qualification and it never entered my head to beg for the money off of my mates.

Tell her to bugger off and pay for her own bloody course!!

Wristy · 15/01/2016 18:33

Their

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/01/2016 18:34

No I wouldn't donate for this.

Cheeky mare.

Lemond1fficult · 15/01/2016 18:35

Actually, she's done an architecture degree, but you need to do the next bit to be properly qualified. She's really good at it, so has a scholarship for a big chunk of her fees, but needs to make up the difference.

OP posts:
whois · 15/01/2016 18:35

I call that begging. No chance would j give money like that and would think less of a friend who asked n

Bailey101 · 15/01/2016 18:36

Just out of interest, has anyone else donated yet?

Lemond1fficult · 15/01/2016 18:37

Actually, quite a few people have - to the tune of about 4K

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 15/01/2016 18:37

Ignore. Who the hell would actually give her money? Her parents maybe, but everyone else? No.

ZenNudist · 15/01/2016 18:37

How does it work? Does she pay everyone back?

Gwenhwyfar · 15/01/2016 18:38

"I've just forked out several thousand to do a professional qualification and it never entered my head to beg for the money off of my mates."

Sounds like you either had the money or had the good credit to be able to borrow it.

Greyponcho · 15/01/2016 18:38

If it's a professional qualification that is a requirement of her employer, then chances are, they'll reimburse her (assuming she's working, or why else would she need a professional qualification?) and what happens if there are annual fees involved for maintaining professional memberships?

Bailey101 · 15/01/2016 18:41

4K!!! Shock. I've missed a trick there, I might have to jump on the crowdfunder bandwagon Grin

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