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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this comment was uncalled for?

78 replies

flanjabelle · 15/01/2016 15:01

Took dd (2.3) to the park to ride her scooter. she was wearing jeans, long sleeved vest, long sleeved t shirt, woolly jumper, coat, helmet and knee pads.

We came across a woman walking on the path, dd stopped to let her past, all good. Dd was telling me that it was 'good fun mummy' and laughing. The woman stopped, and demanded to know why dd wasn't wearing gloves and told me that her hands must be far too cold. Yes her hands were cold, but in all other respects she was well wrapped up, and gloves would have made her slip her hands off of the handles, I thought. I found myself desperately trying to explain myself to this woman, but I really shouldn't have I don't think.

Was the comment really necessary? Would you have commented? Dd was happy, laughing and having a great time! It made me feel a bit crap and as if I had made the wrong decision.

I'm aware this is petty, but I'm having a shitty time with health problems and was proud of myself for getting dd out to the park. I was in severe pain and doing my best and it knocked me. Sad I know.

OP posts:

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 15/01/2016 15:04

None of my children ever keep gloves on or want to wear them. If they are warm otherwise it's no one else's business. Winters been pretty mild here to be fair and I have been out in just jeans and a goodie (just a bra under it) today and not been cold at all!

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 15/01/2016 15:05

None of her business. My 2 year old refuses to wear her hat, occasionally strangers take it on themselves to criticise this. I have resorted to "You make her keep it on!"

Joolsy · 15/01/2016 15:08

I send my DD(6) to school every day in the cold weather with hat & gloves - she tells me she never wears either at playtime outside and usually leaves the hat behind when she comes out of school. Gloves are stuffed in her pocket where they have been all day! I genuinely think most kids just don't worry or feel the cold like we do! She had to right to 'demand' to know - couldn't she see your DD was happy?

sofiahelin1 · 15/01/2016 15:09

Oh god I had this a few times when dc were little. Ignore & let it go

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/01/2016 15:10

Cheeky mare. None of her business.

AyeAmarok · 15/01/2016 15:10

None of her business and absolutely don't worry about it. Kids and gloves sometimes don't mix well anyway.

She was just trying to make herself feel like a superior parent. Her issues, not yours.

Sounds like your DD was having a lovely time.

TheCatsMeow · 15/01/2016 15:10

This kind of stuff really annoys me. None of her bloody business

Original poster

flanjabelle · 15/01/2016 15:10

Joolsy that's what I thought, dd was having a whale of a time, she wasn't cold and upset! It was about 5degrees so quite cold, but she was clearly well wrapped up and even wearing all the right safety gear. I just can't see why this woman felt the need to pick at me. That probably sounds dramatic but that is how it felt.

OP posts:

sofiahelin1 · 15/01/2016 15:11

What is the point of saying that to someone?
To shame them? Think you know better? In the interests of the child??
Where does it come from this need to interfere??

Original poster

flanjabelle · 15/01/2016 15:12

Thanks, I'm just having a blip with my confidence because of the pain. I feel like I'm letting dd down a lot lately because of it, so it was a real kick when I'm down sort of thing.

OP posts:

Elledouble · 15/01/2016 15:13

I had this at the bus stop the other day - an older lady looked askance at me and said "aren't his hands cold?" I said yes, they probably were but he's 8 months old and there's no reasoning with him to keep his hands in the hand warmer but.

Elledouble · 15/01/2016 15:13

*bit

mmgirish · 15/01/2016 15:15

Don't explain yourself to strangers! People are always saying weird things to me about my children. Just smile and ignore.

toffeeboffin · 15/01/2016 15:15

Same here.

DS (2) refuses to wear gloves.

Not had any comments yet, though lots of disapproving looks.

I feel like saying ' You don't think I've tried? Do you fancy trying persuading him to wear gloves? Please, go right ahead!"

Ringadingdingdong · 15/01/2016 15:16

People have short memories or haven't had children. It's mostly a losing battle trying to get gloves on to toddlers let alone getting them to keep them on.

There's always a busy body about. Your DS was having fun and not cold. Ignore her comment

Birdsgottafly · 15/01/2016 15:16

She's probably one of those people, who have to find something to comment about.

My DDs wouldn't wear gloves, neither will my DGD, her hands were purple one day, I resorted to just holding them, which then resulted in a tantrum.

Sternin · 15/01/2016 15:17

Imagine seeing a happy, laughing toddler having fun and feeling the need to make a disparaging remark. Don't let her make you feel bad, pity her!

Bambooshoots14 · 15/01/2016 15:17

I had similar recently when ds (nearly 2yo) was in the buggy and we were walking the dog in the park. An old lady stopped to say if was too windy/ cold for him to be out. He was wrapped up well and was very happy. Just ignore!

Original poster

flanjabelle · 15/01/2016 15:17

I never comment on other people's children, unless its in a positive way, e.g. they look like they are having fun/being beautifully behaved... that sort of thing. why do some people feel the need to put others down?

OP posts:

Ringadingdingdong · 15/01/2016 15:17

I mean DD

MiddleClassProblem · 15/01/2016 15:18

Sounds like she was a busy body. She's not going to get frost bite. I would have that play on my mind a bit too afterwards but you did nothing wrong so fuck her

PinotAndPlaydough · 15/01/2016 15:19

Exactly the same thing happened to me today. An old man stopped us walking down the road and asked why they didn't have gloves on.
I was honest in my reply of "they don't want them on and I don't have the energy to fight them". He raised his eye brows and walked off, I don't care what he or anyone else thinks, I have an awful week that resulted in loosing a close family member yesterday, at the moment I picking my battles and gloves isn't one of them!

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 15/01/2016 15:21

Argh yes been there a number of times. And sometimes they might have been right and I might have actually misjudged clothing; sometimes I'd made a better decision (like you about the gloves and her grip on the scooter); and sometimes it was plain old small-child refusal and not a problem to anyone apart from the stupid interfering fucker.

It's often had that 'kicked when I'm down' feel to me, too. I don't think it's "sad" to have that reaction to it. Actually I think for various reasons mothers of small children are quite often going to be vulnerable to that kind of unnecessary critical comment, and so it's especially mean of people to make them.

hazeyjane · 15/01/2016 15:25

I get this all the time with ds, he is 5 and half but uses a sn buggy. He genuinely doesn't react to temperatures very well, so he can overheat really easily. There is a woman who we see at the bus stop nearly everyday and nearly every day she says, 'poor mite, he looks freezing, he needs gloves/coat/scarf etc'. Then she makes a comment about dd2s hair needing a brush, and I feel like saying, 'would you like to borrow my phone to call the NSPCC about my poor neglected children'

But I smile and walk on. Don't let it get you down, flanjabella. You are doing a great job.

CantWaitforWarmWeather · 15/01/2016 15:30

None of her business! Some people are so fucking miserable.

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