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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this comment was uncalled for?

78 replies

flanjabelle · 15/01/2016 15:01

Took dd (2.3) to the park to ride her scooter. she was wearing jeans, long sleeved vest, long sleeved t shirt, woolly jumper, coat, helmet and knee pads.

We came across a woman walking on the path, dd stopped to let her past, all good. Dd was telling me that it was 'good fun mummy' and laughing. The woman stopped, and demanded to know why dd wasn't wearing gloves and told me that her hands must be far too cold. Yes her hands were cold, but in all other respects she was well wrapped up, and gloves would have made her slip her hands off of the handles, I thought. I found myself desperately trying to explain myself to this woman, but I really shouldn't have I don't think.

Was the comment really necessary? Would you have commented? Dd was happy, laughing and having a great time! It made me feel a bit crap and as if I had made the wrong decision.

I'm aware this is petty, but I'm having a shitty time with health problems and was proud of myself for getting dd out to the park. I was in severe pain and doing my best and it knocked me. Sad I know.

OP posts:
babyboyHarrison · 15/01/2016 16:21

Completly agree that it was none of her business. Your child was clearly happy so don't worry about it. If she's anything like my son (similar age) she's be more than capable of telling you if she was too cold.

I did however wish that I made my toddler wear gloves the other day as he fell over in a puddle and got a nasty cut in his hand. Gloves would probably have stopped him cutting his hand and getting mud in the cut. Felt so mean trying to get the mud out if the cut when he was clearly upset and in pain.

GreenRug · 15/01/2016 16:22

My dd refuses hat and gloves and anything covering her bottom half in the buggy. To top it off yesterday I'd unknowingly put her in trousers which came above the bottom of the socks when in the buggy with legs bent. She looked a sight in the freezing weather here yesterday but what can you do. I was waiting for comments from 'well meaning' strangers but they never came. I was quite disappointed Grin

Floralnomad · 15/01/2016 16:25

Are you sure she wasn't just trying to make conversation and because of how you are ( sounds like you lack confidence from your posts ) that you have just taken it wrong ? I've been asked before ( by people I don't know) why my dog hasn't got his jumper on in the cold , they've obviously seen him on other days with a jumper on , I don't automatically think they're criticising me .

BillBrysonsBeard · 15/01/2016 16:25

Please ignore OP, your child was happy! I get this ALL the time from older people, telling me to wrap DS up more. Just because they feel the cold more.. I know it's just concern but please trust a parent to judge for herself.

milliemoon · 15/01/2016 16:35

I once had a woman pull down my sons top which had ridden up slightly at the back as he was being carried by DH. She pulled it down, lectured us and then wandered off muttering to her friend about how "they just don't care". It was August!!! I wish I'd said something but I just stared at her in disbelief

mrsjskelton · 15/01/2016 16:47

Oh lord no! What kind of Mother are you? Her hands could have fallen off!

HAH! People love a good poke into others' lives! Your DD was clearly sooooo bothered about her cold hands Hmm just ignore!

MrsJorahMormont · 15/01/2016 16:47

Some people are bonkers. Ignore them. I had a polite discussion with someone once who tried to interfere when DD was having a tantrum. With hindsight, I wish I'd told her to fuck off and mind her own business, instead of validating her by having a conversation.

You're doing well Op Thanks

Alicewasinwonderland · 15/01/2016 17:06

It's none of her business.

I am always puzzled to see kids freezing in the playground, with barely a tshirt on, some are even bare feet paddling in the water whilst the mums are wearing layers upon layers of winter clothes, but I wouldn't dream to comment. It's obvious they are cold, I don't understand the mothers, but what can you do.

It does annoy me, only because the kids end up spreading germs at school, it's always the same ones who start the cycle, so it is obviously related.

YellowDinosaur · 15/01/2016 18:05

I am always puzzled to see kids freezing in the playground, with barely a tshirt on, some are even bare feet paddling in the water whilst the mums are wearing layers upon layers of winter clothes, but I wouldn't dream to comment. It's obvious they are cold, I don't understand the mothers, but what can you do

It does annoy me, only because the kids end up spreading germs at school, it's always the same ones who start the cycle, so it is obviously related

No. That's utter bollocks. 'Spreading germs' has precisely fuck all to do with getting cold

InQuiteAChristmasPickle · 15/01/2016 18:17

It does annoy me, only because the kids end up spreading germs at school, it's always the same ones who start the cycle, so it is obviously related

How do you spread germs from just wearing a t-shirt in the cold? Confused Do you mean they get colds? Colds are viruses and you can't catch them from being cold. Fwiw, my DDs are never ill even though DD2 spends most of her time half naked.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/01/2016 18:25

Alicewasinwonderland FYI You can't get a cold from being cold or wet

To think this comment was uncalled for?
MargaretCabbage · 15/01/2016 18:28

I was waiting at the bus stop with my 11 month old DS in a sling the other week and a lady came up and said "you need a hat young man!" We were actually on our way to buy a new one as he must have thrown the last one out of the pushchair and were only outside for about 5 minutes at the most. I felt like I had to justify myself too, but I did feel annoyed especially as she was talking to me through my baby!

DixieNormas · 15/01/2016 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 15/01/2016 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alicewasinwonderland · 15/01/2016 18:46

Funny how it's always the kids who are inappropriately dressed who are always coughing, coming up with chest infections and various unpleasant things they are sharing with the rest of the class. It's always the girls who arrive at school with wet hair who are first to be ill, or end up with ear infections (which at least are not contagious).

But if you say it's just a coincidence you must be right. I suppose the symptoms would have developed anyway. At least, it doesn't seem to do much to their immune system as they are always the ones who are ill!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/01/2016 18:51

Alice Hmm I think you're talking mince but would love to see your information that backs up your point.

InQuiteAChristmasPickle · 15/01/2016 18:57

*Funny how it's always the kids who are inappropriately dressed who are always coughing, coming up with chest infections and various unpleasant things they are sharing with the rest of the class. It's always the girls who arrive at school with wet hair who are first to be ill, or end up with ear infections (which at least are not contagious).

But if you say it's just a coincidence you must be right. I suppose the symptoms would have developed anyway. At least, it doesn't seem to do much to their immune system as they are always the ones who are ill!*

Since when? DD2 is almost 5 and has never had a chest or ear infection and she's always taking items of clothes off!

DD1 was prone to ear infections when she was 5 and she has always been one to wrap up warm. Always in hats etc.

As babies they were both always bundled up in cardigans etc as I'm one of those annoying people who are always freezing (20 deg heat to me is still jacket weather). DD2 was a very whingy baby. She recently saw a photo of a baby her crying and commented on it. I told her I didn't know why she was crying and she said it was because she was too hot. She might not remember the actual event but the plot bloody thickened - she hates wearing a cardigan! Grin

InQuiteAChristmasPickle · 15/01/2016 18:58

Bah! Bold fail! Angry

DixieNormas · 15/01/2016 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueemerald · 15/01/2016 19:24

I think I was a baby like InQuiteAChristmasPickle's DD. From the word go I threw off socks and gloves. Even now (at 29) I just don't feel the cold that others do (I joke it's due to my mum's Danish/Viking blood). She ended up nappy-pinning the ends of my ski suit closed because I would not keep socks on as a baby. Even now I rarely wear a coat and people love to comment on it.

I don't want to sound cheesy or patronising but you are doing a great job getting your joyful DD out and about.

By the by I had exemplary school attendance as did my brothers who required more bundling up because, shock horror, my parents knew us and our temperaments.

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud · 15/01/2016 19:30

If your dd is saying 'fun mummy ' it's a pretty good sign she's happy.

Ignore the lady and well done you overcoming pain to take dd to the park.

HeyYouGetOffMyCloud · 15/01/2016 19:34

Just wanted to add you have my respect Op for looking after a toddler when you're struggling with pain.

You sound like a lovely mum. You shouldn't lack confidence in yourself x

ceeveebee · 15/01/2016 19:55

Alice, what a load of tosh
My two DC are always inappropriately dressed as they refuse to wear gloves, hats, even coats but are very rarely ill.

Scooter gloves are a great invention though, even my two will tolerate these!
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/sp+scooter-mitts-in-baby-and-toddler-out-and-about+b7789

SatsukiKusakabe · 15/01/2016 20:14

In my experience, children let you know pretty sharpish if they are unhappy or uncomfortable.

Original poster
flanjabelle · 15/01/2016 21:13

Sorry to only just come back, busy evening.

You lovely lot. Thank you so much for the back up. sometimes it's just nice to have someone say, it's ok you actually didn't do anything wrong.

Just to clarify, her words were "where are her gloves? Her poor hands must be freezing." All said in an unpleasant tone with a disapproving look. I think my take on that was the correct one.

It's unbelievable how many people feel the need to make comments like this. surely it's clear to see when a child is well looked after, and its surely a bigger picture than if they have one particular piece of clothing on.

Thank you for making me feel so much better about this and the supportive comments in general. It's been a shitty time lately because of my back condition and I have just felt like a complete failure at times. As a pp said, people should really think before they speak as they don't know the personal situation of the person they are speaking to.

Flowers to all of you.

OP posts: