to ask if you would consider home education?

[SundayBea]

Have read a lot of articles recently on how the numbers in home education have 'exploded' and it's on the rise by 80% a year apparently. I know of three families I think quite highly of, two of whom are ex-teachers whose children have never been to school and their children seem to be having an exceptional upbringing and education with so many fantastic experiences and opportunities. Also know of two other families who have withdrawn their children from school because of problems with their respective schools and I'm less certain of how successful it is going to be for them. Also know of several colleagues and DH's cousin who have DC under 5 who are debating not registering them when the time comes. Is this a big thing now or is it just coincidence I know of so many families like this? I was just wondering what the general consensus was.. when I mentioned socialisation one of my ex-teacher friends showed me the Facebook group she is in for her local home education community and I was amazed at the plethora of groups, classes, meet ups and outings with hundreds of members.. just for her local county! Have been debating with DP what to do about schooling at private school is unfortunately out of the question on our current salaries.. I'm now feeling like I've discovered a whole new option I hadn't considered? Sorry if this is rambling, only getting a 5 minute lunch break today!

That's great Queen

I do firmly believe that problematic behaviours that are directly related to spectrum conditions are often greatly reduced by a well rounded home ed environment. My DS shows literally done of the behaviours or issues that were apparent and so problematic in school. I do believe that it really is as simple as it just taking them longer to get there and being given that time. I am seeing this over and over in the HE community.

And just to add, I never learnt to be resilient in secondary school, being constantly bullied takes that opportunity away from you.
It's only as an adult, mixing with people of my choice and being able to distance myself from twats (rather than having to be in close quarters with them day in day out), that I have managed to see that school is such an unnatural and potentially damaging environment to so many children, but because for the majority of people this is real life, and it's a dog eat dog world out there, nothing will change.

mummy I am noticing you're the only one name calling and labelling on this thread. I think that says an awful lot.

I do think the resilience thing is a fair question, though. Particularly for elective home educators. Obviously things are different for people who had no choice but to home educate, but for people like the OP who is looking at all the educational options available to her and considering HE as one of them then it's certainly worth thinking about. I certainly was in my 20s and working before I learned properly to stick at something I didn't enjoy at all but just had to get on with..........

philphil I guess my approach is two fold - tackling the school and tackling the strategies my DC need to put in place to deal with the issues.

not afraid to take the school and ed auth head on when needed. being self employed means I can be readily available during the day to go in to meetings and put my case. I am also happy to do research and make suggestions about things like anti bullying, what works in other schools, what my DC's school could try. I guess I just have the energy and the time at the right time of day to keep going at it.

with the DC's strategies we look at things that others have tried and that have worked. some types of bullying need ignoring. some types need challenging with the individual doing it and some need the intervention of an appropriate adult (usually teacher or support staff) I have tried to help my DC recognise the difference between when each one of these strategies is needed so that they don't confront a bully when what they should be doing is ignoring etc.

I think teaching them resilience is really important so that they can cope when they are at uni/ in work and know what is and is not an appropriate level and degree of response. no magic bullet. just keeping on talking and discussing openly with my DC and suggesting strategies and support.

meister Ds was deregistered age 9 so we've had a long time to work on his areas of difficulty, and there were many. But I firmly believe that most of his presentation was stress-related, as is common with a lot of children with similar ds. Take away the stress, you gain a window of opportunity to teach the child coping strategies, which in turn reduces the stress even further.

What's also important is that we were able to tailor the strategies we used (in fact, I created most of them myself) to his specific needs. In practice most schools will use off-the-shelf tools that may not be appropriate for the individual child, hence they will have minimal effect and may even exacerbate the problems. In HE, children with SN can have a programme that incorporates as much personal development work as is necessary. This is rarely the case in schools as most are results-driven so the focus is more on academic outcomes. I don't blame schools for this - they're over a barrel having to tick box for government statistics, but it isn't for the child's benefit.

Tbh I don't think his chums at college are necessarily mature enough to not notice (or accept, without question) his SN, rather that ds has reached a point in his development where you wouldn't know it was there unless you knew it and looked for it. He's made massive progress over the years.

Bertrand at school my DC - no different from anyone elses that go to school I would imagine - have to do certain subjects and lessons that they hate. its difficult to get them to see the value of them (social studies!!) but I try to get them to make sure that they get out of the lessons what they need to get out of the lessons. some of them are an endurance test but that's like having to do a tax return or vat or any of the other jobs I don't enjoy. 90% crap to do the 10% that I love.

Queenstreaky do you never envisage a time when there is a sort of half way house for situations like your sons. some time at home, some time at school or is this way too impractical. what are you thoughts about what we used to called special needs schools? when I was growing up, I knew of two in my local area. these went in the early 80's never to be replaced with the dash to include everyone no matter what their needs in main stream schooling. would you advocate going back to this approach? (with funding and caveats of course)

meister Like you, I worked as hard as possible to engage with the schools (we tried two) and the LA, autism outreach services, NHS yadda yadda but they were bloody awful, stubborn and determined not to support my child. I had countless meetings, drew up my own resources and gave copies to the school, told them what worked and what didn't, and was utterly ignored. My son was bullied both by pupils and staff and it was disregarded when I raised concerns. I could go on but won't. I know of dozens of families who have been in similar positions, trying hard to work in partnership with schools to meet their children's needs but getting nowhere. It does sound as though you have been lucky to have a cooperative school that was prepared to work with you, rather than against you. It is not something that can be guaranteed universally, I'm afraid.

But that all sounds very good and effective in theory, but in reality, I'm not sure it will work with some children - it certainly isn't with my oldest (won't engage with CAMHS or youth support team). Tbh I was hoping for for more than the usual trotted out message.

I suppose it's like looking at people with depression. There will always be those who say with authority "you just need to get out for a walk" "get a grip, stop letting yourself wallow in it", when for the depressed person that's physically impossible.

My son has had so many people involved to try to help him, but he now sees engaging on any level opens him up to more bullying, more misunderstanding, so he now refuses. And having seen how schools, CAMHS and youth supporters have dealt with this, I don't blame him. The system is shit for so many, but a small minority of parents raising their voices doesn't make a toss of difference, if it did, my son would be better supported right now.
I don't feel I can take him out of school as he is doing GCSEs, badly.
If he fails them all, it will be seen as his fault for not working (not school's fault for being shit). If I was HEing him and he failed, it would be my fault.
The whole system stinks, and until a majority of people stand up and demand changes, it's not going to happen.

There is the option to flexi-school and it works for some. But it's at the discretion of the HT and the home ed part isn't strictly EHE because you have to follow the NC and do what the school says.

Special schools do have their place - depends on the child and their level of need. Part of my son's planned sixth form programme included a part time placement at specialist college, but their provision wasn't what we needed and it fell through. But it WAS the right placement for him, based on the information we were given at the time. Lots of complicated reasons why it didn't work out, too much to go into here.

Tbh Phil I suspect that education departments might start to worry at some point because it is true that HE numbers are rising and they'll have to ask questions about that. Perhaps that is when government will be forced to look at the inadequacies of the education system and make some changes. But not this government, obvs, because it would cost money.

Queen, we are going through those battles (pointless fucking time wasting battles) to get my 10 yr old (diagnosed ASD) any sort of support.
I'm being lied to, his difficulties are constantly minimised, his ASD ignored.
It's not good enough, but schools get away with this over and over.
If I was a teacher and saw this happen to my pupils, I would be ashamed to be in the profession, and I certainly wouldn't put my own DC through it. As it is, I wish I was a better person and could HE my DC, because I know that, done well, it would be so much better than the lack of anything in school. It's an outstanding school as well, which has persuaded me that OFSTED don't know their arse from their elbow.

We flexi schooled for a year but saw no particular improvement. What ever steps forward we took were undone immediately that he returned. Most people I know who flexi schooled ultimately removed to HE full time. I do think it can be a good option though and I am glad it is available, though it's not always easy to get being at the HT's discretion. It does sometimes serve as a bit of a half way house and can be more acceptable for people who are totally resistant to the idea of HE, easing them in gently.

Agree phil the whole system sucks really and I would prefer not to have to be defending my "choice" to HE over and over again when it was never really a choice in the first place.

"Agree phil the whole system sucks really and I would prefer not to have to be defending my "choice" to HE over and over again when it was never really a choice in the first place."

On this thread at least, you are only defending it from one person who isn't going to change her mind whatever you say. So why not stop.

I agree Phil and you have my sympathies that you're going through all this now. Your child is in the middle of all this, being unsupported, and that's not right.

You raise a valid point about getting dx too. My son wasn't diagnosed until 7.5 with autism because his school would not admit to any problems. They were extremely poorly trained in autism awareness so had no idea what the signs were, so woefully underqualified to provide the necessary information. Same for the ADHD dx at age 10. The HT/SENCo lied on the Conners questionnaire and claimed there were no issues with ds's presentation (despite almost daily conversations at the school gate about his behaviour and how they weren't coping with him (let alone 'meeting his needs' ). Consequently the NHS psychiatrist refused to diagnose because his presentation was so different at home and school. We had to go private in the end - the consultant psych took one look at him and dxd him on the spot, and was horrified that he'd been denied much-needed medication because the assessment had been so weak.

Oh, and ds's school file 'went missing' the day we deregistered, so there is no record of his history of need, incident reports, assessments or anything. Funny, that .

How about you take your own advice Bertrand? You seem to think every statement I make is directed at you . Please stop.

Eh? I meant why not stop defending yourself because why should you.

But hey ho, take it as an attack if you want.

Queen I have often heard of similar accounts. I am so sorry. We got lucky with DS, had an amazing SENCO and the school had a SLT Unit attached. I purposely chose the school for this as concerns had been raised and I hoped they'd be better place to notice any issues. Even with all that though and allowances made he couldn't cope there and it all came to a head at the ASD unit he moved to. They lies and manipulation we experienced culminated in repeated assaults on my DS and his removal. Even after the teacher involved continues to lie and make claims about my DS of levels of thought processes that he just was not capable of.

For my dd, no one even noticed any issues (different school). I went on a few school trips with her and it glared out to me that she was struggling. I got the referral myself via the GP and drove the whole process. The school basically gaped like gold fish but were not purposely obstructive thankfully. She's in main stream and doing very well though has her moments.

Let's just stop addressing each other directly then shall we? Far less scope for all these misunderstandings.

That's good to hear your daughter is doing well Nicki, but what a circuitous route to get there .

I think what LAs, schools etc forget to consider, when a child is struggling, is that it's not so easy to just switch schools. It's an enormous stretch for a child who finds it hard to deal with change. But the time element is problematic too - it can take months to raise concerns, have them acknowledged, go through assessments and school visits etc before the new place is confirmed. All the while, the child is still in an inadequate setting and their ability to cope is worsening, and their stress rising, so by the time they get to the new school they're in a highly anxious state and chances are they will struggle to settle. Personally I think it's a good idea to HE temporarily before a move, even if it's under LA control, just to give the child a chance to regroup and have the best chance of success in the new setting.

"
All the while, the child is still in an inadequate setting and their ability to cope is worsening, and their stress rising, so by the time they get to the new school they're in a highly anxious state and chances are they will struggle to settle."

This is exactly what happened to my DS but no allowances were made. He'd been flexi schooled for a year but within two days the HT was insisting he must attend full time with no kind of easing in period. It seemed unsurprising to me that he was unable to cope but trained "experienced" teaching staff were unable to understand why he might struggle.

A few years ago I had the opportunity to speak to Jude Ragan, who has been awarded an OBE for her work in autism. I won't write exactly what she said to me here as its private and has been of great comfort to me but the gist was that she could not comprehend that our situation had been handled this way. She was in full possession of the details of both sides.

Dreadful [sad[. But what's more dreadful, is that it's not a unique experience. This is all too common nowadays, and will only get worse now that budgets are so stressed.

I find that knowledge amongst teachers about ASD is limited to the most stereotypical, which is a shame because there is so much out there to learn otherwise, and parents' knowledge could be tapped, but they choose not to, which must definitely add to this problem.

Ds2 always struggles with Christmas term, and every time, a teacher looks at me with a puzzled look and says "but why do you think he's struggling, Christmas term is so much fun, he should be enjoying it". . Experienced teachers, proud to say they have helped so,many DC with SN, but they don't have a clue why a child with autism might find Christmas term difficult/overwhelming.
It's not good enough.

I've got myself all worked up over this thread and I'm not even a HEer.