To think hard-core porn should be harder for kids to access?

[Rosie70]

How do I stop my kids coming across horrible stuff including porn on the internet? Why is it so hard to put on effective parental controls that work? Why is there no outcry about this? Why aren't manufacturers/phone companies/internet providers doing more?

My 13 year old has a smartphone and my DH (who works in technology with focus on mobile, incidentally) initially did put parental controls on his phone, as well as on our iPad and desktop computer. But it's stopped access to so many websites, that we've had to take it off again. It was totally rubbish. My DS also has a PS4 that can access the internet too but we've no idea how to put parental controls on that.

Are we missing something obvious? Is there an easy way to do this that works?

If we are really committed to doing this and keep failing, there must be so many other parents out there who give up at the first hurdle. I can't bear the thought of a generation of kids accessing hard-core porn online with just a couple of clicks. AIBU?

YANBU.

At all. Very worrying how accessible some porn is to children.

No doubt you'll get some along shortly saying that porn never did anyone any harm and forced anal sex among teenagers is just the oral sex of the 1960s, and no big deal.

YANBU. I remember coming across porn from a very young age as internet was just becoming highly available at 10/11/12 and I do think it skewed my entire view on sex for years and years.

I agree.

I dont mind the odd bit of porn but i dont want my 11yr old ds watching it.
I find parental controls a pain because the blocks dont work. As you say OP they stop access to some normal websites.

There is no easy way I am afraid. Internet filters are pretty much useless, and easy to get around.

IMO the best thing you can do is talk to your some about porn, how it objectifies and dehumanises, how it is not real, and how if he treats a girl like that/expects that then they will run a mile.

It is pretty hard to come across pornography accidentally - if you can have an open enough relationship with your kids that they can ask you, rather than googling that could help.

Even if you cut off there access to the internet you can't manage what they see outside the home.

There has been a move to ask everyone uploading porn to use the dot XXX URL, but its voluntary,
The fact the people choose to lable it as other stuff so you can stumble on it, or get around filters tells you everything you need to know about them.

All you can do is educate your kids about it, to be sensible.

There isn't going to be a magic bullet tech solution, because porn, extreme violence and other horrid content isn't tidily labelled, could be uploaded from any jurisdiction (except perhaps places like North Korea), and then could be accessed from anywhere deliberately or by accident.

There is no alternative to supervision and education.

Using a device-based filter will reduce (but not eliminate) access to undesirable content. But there really is no substitute for close supervision in the early years, in parallel with education about online security.

Thanks for the replies. I find it worrying and depressing. Can't believe there is no tech based solution.

Are we missing something obvious? Is there an easy way to do this that works?

Well, yes. The only way to do this that works is to teach your children what is appropriate and what isn't, and to give them the skills to navigate online safely.
If you don't trust them not to go looking for hardcore porn (and this isn't leaping out at them, you do have to go and find it) then you need to not let them have any devices that they can go online unsupervised.

You can set parental controls on all devices that I know of but as you have discovered, setting these prevents access from a large number of sites you would otherwise deem safe to access.

So the answer does not lie with the device manufacturers (today, who knows about the future)

The government have insisted that the service providers provide this sort of filtering and it is my understanding that you have to opt out of filtering rather than opt in so safe browsing should be available, as a default, to all.

In my experience this is not the case, you were supposed to get a message from your service provider that allowed you to opt out of filtering on first time use of a web browser. I've never seen this!

It is worrying, this sort of content is so easy to find.

We have not set any limits on what our children (12 & 16) can access.
We are of the opinion that they are going to come across it at some stage in their lives and would rather them come across it while we still have some kind of input into their browsing habits.

Obviously neither of our children would ever come to us and say;
"Mum, Dad! I've just seen some porn and it has really disturbed me"
We dip check their devices now and again and if we find that they have been accessing content they shouldn't then we will (and have) speak to them.

It's a bit of a big debate though isn't it.
Either we, as parents, need to step up and deal with the issues or do we rely on someone else, a nanny state to say what's good and what's bad for us?

I think everyone agrees that kids accessing porn so easily is not a good thing, surely? Yes, we can talk to our kids about porn and try to monitor their use of the internet (almost impossible as they get older in my opinion). But there should be a better way to block it. Does nobody else really give a shit about this? Why is this not a big issue/in the news/ campaigned about by Mumsnet etc?

Because its not a tech issue. Campaign about what exactly? HCporn is available on the internet, thats not going to change. There are no failsafe tech barriers. If your children go looking for it, they are going to find it.

So the only option you have is in your parenting. If they don't go looking for it they won't see any of it. Only you teach them. What campaign do you expect to help with that?

my DH (who works in technology with focus on mobile, incidentally) initially did put parental controls on his phone, as well as on our iPad and desktop computer. But it's stopped access to so many websites, that we've had to take it off again.

So because you don't want to be inconvenienced everybody else should be?

"Why is this not a big issue/in the news/ campaigned about by Mumsnet etc?"

There were oodles of threads about this a couple of years ago. MNHQ made a specific decision not to campaign for a unicorn. Here is but one example of a thread from back then, and I particularly commend the unicorn post by empusa on this thread Sun 02-Sep-12 00:43:50.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/in_the_news/1551182-UK-seriously-considering-opt-in-policy-for-online-pornography

There have been no tech developments that make it any more possible now.