To really want someone to say or do something, if possible

[Luckything50]

I really need some advice. There is a woman I have never spoken to but see every day on the school run, always alone (no evident partner) and with her DC who is a few years below my DS. The reason I notice her is because she walks, everywhere, all the time, and after she has dropped off child she walks to a gym c. 2 miles away where I also go, then walks home. Every day. Possibly even at weekends as have seen her whilst driving past. And she is SO thin. Same height as me (tall) and possibly 45-50 kgs, and getting thinner. Do I a) mind my own business, it's nothing to do with me, b) mention it to gym staff (gyms are about health no? Not just losing weight), or c) maybe the school? Any advice gratefully accepted, it's just awful to see her disappearing and she has a small child.

Katenka - it is because an anorexic is more likely to die in the short term than someone who is obese. As explained several times by the good and patient folk on this thread.

I am with you OP, you just want to help. It's hard... I noticed a few like this at my gym, not just thin, they were walking skeletons and spent at least an hour on the treadmill with no break. But I would never say anything, it's their life and I think they would be mortified to have a stranger say it. They probably have people they're close to saying it already.

I have to say that further to my post about anorexia and how it affected my late teens and early twenties. It is possible to be a very thin 'functioning' person going about your life, working etc. there are a lot of underweight people who have have children, work etc. there was a period I was very I'll, I got through that but remained very thin, however I was ok. I wasn't about to leave my two children motherless. People can function being a bit overweight or underweight. I really think saying something in this case could be a very bad thing as it could have a knock on effect.

When I was recovering my mum patted my hip and told me I looked better now that I'd put weight on, there followed a few months where I was convinced I was fat. When I lost weight again and people commented I just felt wretched and full of self hatred. It's a horrible thing.

I was very thin for a long time, I've been a steady normal size ten for about twenty years now ( I'm 45 ) I love my food and eat lots ( low carb ). I still get comments from larger work colleagues that I'm too thin which I find offensive as I know what it's like to be seriously underweight.

Durham I was also going to say that I have known several people who are functioning/have a history of anorexia, and whilst they were thin/didn't eat much/had exercise compulsions, there were still very much functioning and often doing very well in their work lives (perhaps because of slightly obsessive nature?) The person I knew was in her late fifties and had had it since teenage years. It's not ideal, but we all have our own ways of being in the world and for some people, this is one of them.

That's not to say it is not a horrid disorder, and for many it is life-changing and life-threatening, but I don't think strangers should feel like they have to throw themselves in the path of people like this, because they may be coping ok, albeit at the margins of what might be considered usual behaviour. And, if they are long-term functioning, then they have still managed to have children, get them to school. If any concerns were to be raised, I would expect it to be by someone already in contact with the person, GP, friend, school teacher or trainer at the gym- not someone who happens to see you walking past!

If you really want to make contact, smile for starters if you see this person regularly.

I see a female runner regularly who is skeletal; she has collapsed twice while running and her doctor has told her repeatedly to stop until she has regained her health. But she is obsessive and no-one, friends, family, can persuade her to stop.
There is nothing you can do, unless, possibly, offer her a lift?

Anorexia is NOT a mh disease.
Anorexia Nervosa is.
They are two different things.
I have had Anorexia, due to an illness.
People can have Anorexia due a whole list of illnesses.

I think people are talking about the latter. Most use the former for short . I've only heard medical people refer to the b
Nervosa bit

I actually thought you were going to say should i offer her a lift as i am going the same way.

I too have had anorexia (doesn't it literally mean loss of appetite/desire to eat? ) due to illness. I think everyone here has been referring to nervosa. It was bloody unnerving to see it on my medical notes though! Am not sure why it needs clarifying though.

agree with being friendly and maybe cd offer a lift . Her answer will make it clearer what her goal is.

Her answer will make it clearer what her goal is.

No it won't

She may like the walk, it may be the only peace she gets all day, she may like the fresh air or use it as a warm up like another poster upthread, she may have errands to run on her way, she may be listening to a podcast.

She may even not particularly want to get into a relative stranger's car. Or want to talk to one about her weight.