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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School put a report on my son child in another child's bookbag.

38 replies

twinkletoedelephant · 13/01/2016 14:15

Basically I am not sure if I am really pissed of about this or should just accept that sometimes these things happen.

Another mum gave me the report this morning after finding it in their child's book bag last night.

Its has all of my details on it. It has all of Ds medical information school assesments plans for the future. Problems he is having and how they plan to help him. What clinics/consultants he is under, his full diagnosis and their plans to have him assessed further.

The mum said that she didn't read it (about 10 pages folded in half with a paperclip).

But I still feel a bit awkward that she knows so much about our home life as well as all the issues he is having at school.

Obviously I can't do anything about it now as that information is out there and if the other mum chooses to share with other parents I can't stop that. He is already known as a 'naughty child' ( but is well liked) and I am worried that if she does share this info other parents will stop their children from playing with him :(

OP posts:

RubbleBubble00 · 13/01/2016 14:18

Wow. Firstly it should have been in a sealed envelop addressed to parents of xxxxxx so even if it ended up in wrong hands it remains confidential. I would be having strong words with the school

LagunaBubbles · 13/01/2016 14:20

No you shouldnt just accept "these things happen". This is a serious breach of confidentiality and I would be making an appointment with Head asap.

Toomuch2young · 13/01/2016 14:21

I would be going mental at the school with words like 'breaching the data protection act' breaking confidentiality etc etc so they know that it is a mistake that must not happen again.
Surely with confidential sensitive information they should hand it directly to a parent not put in the bag like a news letter?! It is so easy for bags to get mixed up on pegs etc.
All that being said hopefully the mother is honest that she didn't, and if she did then hopefully she will just use it to understand your DS is not naughty, just dealing with medical conditions.

Norest · 13/01/2016 14:22

I don't think 'these things just happen' because it is not difficult to place sensitive information into a sealed envelope.

I think you should have a word with the school.

BertPuttocks · 13/01/2016 14:24

I've previously received another child's information after the two bookbags got mixed up at school. It was in an envelope and clearly marked with the other child's name. The envelope went straight back into the bag (unopened) and was returned with a note to say that there had been a mistake.

I've also received another child's home-to-school book. Again, it went back unread.

I don't mean this in an "Oh, aren't I wonderful?" way, but purely to show that the other parent genuinely may not have read your son's information.

I would definitely speak to someone at the school about it. Mistakes happen but at the very least, the report should have been in a sealed envelope and marked as being private and confidential.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 13/01/2016 14:26

We had this happen during my DDs 1st week at Primary School (the whole class came home with a different child's sheet). The info wasn't quite as detailed, it was a contact & medical info sheet that needed checking. The school issued a written apology as well as calling all the parents to ask them to pop it back in the book bag for it to be corrected Monday am. (No enelvelopes in this instance either).

Given the amount of information given out here I would be raising it with the school and expecting an apology.

Original poster

twinkletoedelephant · 13/01/2016 14:27

Thanks I wanted to speak to the school bit didn't know if I was overreacting at all.

I don't know the other mum very well. I know her son has some issues and she is very vocal to the other mums about the problems she is having I would just rather not have him dropped into her manyconversations. But there is nothing I can do about it.

OP posts:

Pseudo341 · 13/01/2016 14:28

It's entirely possible she's telling the truth when she said she didn't read it. Would you have done in her position? I certainly wouldn't and I'm sure a lot of people are the same. Even if she has read it and starts telling others, how do you think they're going to react? I'd be horrified if another mum started telling me something like that and would be thinking more about putting some distance between myself and that mum than I would keeping my kid away from the child the report was about.

You say he's well liked, I don't see why that would change because of what's on a bit of paper, people who have already formed a favourable opinion of him aren't going to suddenly start hating him because he's getting extra help. Surely, if anything, if he's already known as the naughty child, other parents are more likely to be understanding of the naughtiness if they find out there are underlying issues.

I understand why you're panicking a bit but I'd be surprised if it came to anything at all.

Do have a word with the school though, they most certainly should be putting such things in a sealed envelope, that's a pretty major fuck up on their part.

TheSecondViola · 13/01/2016 14:28

I wouldn't be "going mental" about it. People make mistakes, nobody did it on purpose.
The other mother said she didn't read it, why assume she is lying?

Calmly talk to the head about how this can be prevented in the future, and then move on.

FreddoFrog · 13/01/2016 14:30

Agree with others that I think you are right to feel aggrieved. This is confidential, sensitive information and should have been treated as such. Have you let the teacher know this happened to ensure it won't happen again.

Good luck with your little boy. This was us a year ago (eventual ADHD diagnosis) - such a difficult, tough time. Certainly need to have the school helping you rather than adding to your stress!

Seriouslyffs · 13/01/2016 14:32

Secondviola yes people
Do make mistakes, which is why anything confidential should be in a sealed envelope, preferably posted.
That's the line to take OP.

FreddoFrog · 13/01/2016 14:34

Sorry, not suggesting that your son has ADHD. Just the "naughty kid" label reminded me of my son's experience.

Have read Pseudo's post since I posted - agree with all she's said.

Stradbroke · 13/01/2016 14:35

I would be devastated if this happened. This is very personal information about your child and it should not be shared with anyone else.
How would you feel if your medical records went to someone else?

As a pp said these should have been in a sealed envelope so that even if they did end up in the wrong book bag (how does that even happen?) they couldn't have read them.

I would be angry, you have a right to be angry and school should be apologising to you profusely.

furryblanket · 13/01/2016 14:37

It's a mistake and mistakes happen, you're right to be pissed off but nothing can be done about it now. If your child's already seen as 'naughty' then it's not going to make a huge amount of difference, anyway.

Irrelevant: am chuckling at 'son child'

Needaninsight · 13/01/2016 14:37

Right. School at fault for not putting in a sealed envelope. Mistakes do happen though so I can see how it ended up in the wrong bag.

However. Come on. Do you seriously think another mum had time to read 10 pages worth of someone else's information?! I don't have time to read my own kids stuff half the time!

She said she didn't read it. I don't see why you wouldn't believe that. Would you have read it if it had happened the other way round?

GloriousGoosebumps · 13/01/2016 14:38

Unfortunately, the damage can't be undone but you do need to speak to the school so they are aware of what has happened, although if I were in your shoes I'd be speaking to the school in order to make a formal complaint. They have a duty to keep confidential information private so the very least they should do is put paperwork in a sealed envelope. At our school the children were let out one by one and were not allowed to leave until the teacher had seen the parent /guardian so the teacher would hand over private paperwork at that point. As for the other child's mother, she'd have to be a saint not to have had a quick look at the paperwork and, human nature being what it is, I'd have little faith in her ability not to share that information. Perhaps the head teacher could have a word with her about the need for her not to share the information. On a more positive note, I'd be surprised if any parent who was currently happy to have their child spend time with your child would suddenly stop them playing together, after all they already know your son and must like him.

Original poster

twinkletoedelephant · 13/01/2016 14:39

Thanks for the replies.

I had this before, last year about his twin when a mum was in school reading with children and came to talk to me after school to say she was really impressed with Ds reading despite him having ASD and other issues and is that why he gets a ta all to himself? ( she no longer reads at school and is still pissed off I felt the need to inform school she was snooping about in the children's folders)

OP posts:

TheSecondViola · 13/01/2016 14:44

As a pp said these should have been in a sealed envelope so that even if they did end up in the wrong book bag (how does that even happen?) they couldn't have read them

Is this a magical envelope? Either you're the kind of person who will read another childs records when they clearly aren't for you, or you aren't. An envelope makes no difference.

At our school they would be posted out, which would make the difference.

ApplebyMennym · 13/01/2016 14:45

I'd have a chat with the school, I'd not be happy. Even a bumped head note from my son's school comes home in a sealed envelope, something with so much personal info on definitely should be sealed!

If you have no reason to feel the other mum read the report then no harm done, but I'd want the school's reassurance this won't happen again.

As for the reading helping mum, what did she think your reaction would be to that?! Beggars belief really.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 13/01/2016 14:47

Yes, mix ups do happen. That's why you put stuff like this in a sealed envelope, FFS.

Being 100% honest with myself and you, in that situation (assuming she'd have to open the paper up to see it wasn't about her child) I probably would have skimmed the first page. Then I would have felt horrified at myself for being a nosy mare and stopped and never breathed a word of what is a child's private information. So please don't worry that it's going to go all over the school.

But do speak to them about envelopes, or better still, emailing information (that is a better paper trail if you're not quite getting the support you need)

Stradbroke · 13/01/2016 14:48

Is this a magical envelope? Either you're the kind of person who will read another childs records when they clearly aren't for you, or you aren't. An envelope makes no difference.

Because if you find an envelope with a child's name on it that is not yours you have no idea of the contents (unless you open it. If you find a report in your child's bag, it will take at least some reading to ascertain that it is not for your child. By which point you will have gained some information.

ApplebyMennym · 13/01/2016 14:48

Cross posted with Viola obviously a n envelope wouldn't mean it couldn't be read, but it would help. If the parent was a decent person (as the majority would be) she would see your child's name on the front before even being able to begin to read.
On the other hand, if the envelope was open you would at least know that someone had deliberately read it, rather than worrying and hoping.

CrohnicallyAspie · 13/01/2016 14:49

I think the thing with an envelope is you can't read them 'accidentally' (to be fair I find it impossible to look at something without reading it, but the time I realised it was in the wrong bag I might have read something confidential genuinely without meaning to!) and you know that people will know you read it, so that will put off some snoopers.

mrsjskelton · 13/01/2016 14:54

I ABSOLUTELY agree about the sealed envelope - however - as a teacher I give important envelopes to children in my class and say "this needs to go straight in your book bag" but they all have identical school book bags and at the last second can take the wrong one home! These things DO happen but at least in a sealed envelope, this could have been avoided. I'm sure OP if the parent was savvy enough to return it to you, she understands that it is sensitive information and wouldn't want to hurt you. Have a word with the school to ensure it doesn't happen again.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 13/01/2016 14:57

I'd be livid and I would complain. DS's teacher or TA always hands these things to me in person and always in a sealed envelope.

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