aBiu to ask for a consensus of opinion DS wedding and hen related

[Cazm2]

Hi all DS getting married mid September, whirlwind engagement and wedding within 10 months. I am currently 6 months pregnant with DC2 due beg of April. Hen do has been arranged in London we are hour away by train. Two night hotel stay spa cocktail making Yada Yada cost £200 before travel and expenses. First issue is I am not sure about leaving possibly under 2 month old for two nights - not sure about breastfeeding yet etc, second issue is monetary I will be on Mat pay and simply have to watch money although there is an instalment option. Plus the stag do for my DH to go at some point. Would I be unreasonable to ask to stay for one night and go up sat morning? I know in advance I will get stick from my family about being silly leaving baby etc etc My next issue will be staying the night of the wedding in September it's at posh hotel and due to lack of availability ( party conference) room rates shot up to £475 for one night! I just can't justify this and there are hardly any rooms cheaper again I know there will be a family issue regarding us not staying .

Thanks that what I am thinking more along the lines of now. My dd will have just started school and god knows what a sleeping 6 month old will be like! I am assuming that the baby will need to leave reasonable time anyway. It's more hen do I think hassle will come. Trouble is the more I have stuck up for myself the more I have been made to feel awkward. But that is becoming more the norm these days. I just seem to be much more distant these days and find myself getting left out of communication circles

Are you the only one with children? If so they clearly don't understand, and perhaps your mother conveniently forgets what being a mother to a very young baby entails.

The wedding hotel is surely up to your husband as well?

He might prefer to be at home!

No my other sister has two children 3 and 5. But tends to do everything with my mum , my mum provides most of holiday childcare etc and when they go on holiday she looks after them. Because we don't leave our dd often mainly through money also. We are odd ones!

Cazm "I just seem to be much more distant these days and find myself getting left out of communication circle"

trust me, you're not missing anything important

Possibly but it gets embarrassing trying to explain why we don't know about meet ups and family dinners ! We usually get the blame .

I'd say definitely No! You have no idea what sort of labour you'll have. You may end up having a section or a tear and may not feel like travelling at all.

Sounds like they'll blame you for something so you might as well do what you want. Life is way too short to dance to someone else's tune.

Be as accommodating as you feel like for the hen do. Our DS won't take a bottle full stop so you might be in a similar pickle (or use it as a good excuse!). DH can easily decline as he doesn't know the groom. Drive home after the wedding and leave when the time is right for you, most likely when your DC1 crashes and burns :)

If they say anything about the hotel suggest they pay for the room if they're so desperate to have you stay! Your family sound like a nightmare.

Yes it's very hard! I think hen do might be a day trip up there on the sat and back home! But it's very up in the air I can't make to many plans with 3 month old!

Right hen company won't allow one night stay and all activities and meals are going through them so if I went up during day for the day I would have to organise myself! There is no one night availability at hotel on the sat night as I don't mind potentially losing £90 rather than £200 plus spends! Option is hotel nearby and risk losing it and going up for day and trying to sort meal out direct on Saturday night with restaurant bar place . And using spa directly with hotel they are staying at

Urgh I'd be more tempted to suggest a 2nd hen do with sisters and Mum that you can take baby along to!!!

Not sure I'd want a weekend with a 21 year old and her friends????

Have you paid anything for the hen weekend?

Sounds as if it would be easiest not to go at all.

Or maybe join them for lunch/afternoon tea or something if the travelling just for that wouldn't be too bad?

yes, spend some quality time with her instead

well I like quality time with my sis, hopefully you do too! You won't see much of her with all the wedding mania and a new baby.

PS I mean, I hope you like quality time with your sis, not my sis!!!

Poor you, OP. What kind of shit organising of hen-do is this, where people can't be accommodated with different schedules if they can't come for 2 nights at £200. Sounds awful.

I took my less than 8 week old on a hen do. As a PP, DH and DC1 in nearby cafe, popped out to feed in daytime bit, then sent DC1 and DH home and took baby to early evening drinks with me in a sling. Unconventional but I didn't want to miss it. In your situation I would say they've effectively excluded you by using this company to book the hen do, which is shit. Can your sis not help organise something for you to join in on the day?

Hi no it's mums and others invited too but also a few hangers on its a bit weird! It's a frigging nightmare but as she hasn't replied to my text yesterday I am getting cross with it! I tried to be accommodating but simple fact is young baby and maternity pay is limited! Plus it is her choice to get married within 9 months ! X

I could afford 475 for a hotel but unless it was somewhere like TheRitz I sure as hell wouldn't pay that

Caz, don't push for a response, I think it's best if she takes a bit of time to digest it - hopefully that bit of time will make common sense apply!

Thanks I am not going to if she isn't mature enough to respond positively not sure mature enough to get married but that's another matter!