aBiu to ask for a consensus of opinion DS wedding and hen related

[Cazm2]

Hi all DS getting married mid September, whirlwind engagement and wedding within 10 months. I am currently 6 months pregnant with DC2 due beg of April. Hen do has been arranged in London we are hour away by train. Two night hotel stay spa cocktail making Yada Yada cost £200 before travel and expenses. First issue is I am not sure about leaving possibly under 2 month old for two nights - not sure about breastfeeding yet etc, second issue is monetary I will be on Mat pay and simply have to watch money although there is an instalment option. Plus the stag do for my DH to go at some point. Would I be unreasonable to ask to stay for one night and go up sat morning? I know in advance I will get stick from my family about being silly leaving baby etc etc My next issue will be staying the night of the wedding in September it's at posh hotel and due to lack of availability ( party conference) room rates shot up to £475 for one night! I just can't justify this and there are hardly any rooms cheaper again I know there will be a family issue regarding us not staying .

I'd say no to the hen do. If you can manage one day without an overnight stay, do that.

If you only live 20 mins from the hotel then fgs drive home!! You and your baby will be far happier at home in familiar surroundings, and it's not like you'll be drinking anyway if you're breastfeeding, so you won't even need a taxi.

Your family might think you're being PFB, but seriously, who gives a fuck what they think? Do what is right for YOU and your baby (and DD) - far more important!

Don't ask them what they think either, just tell them what you're going to do. And tell your DH to either support you or shut up, frankly - you should be more important to him than your sister!!

Leaving not living! Also I'd definitely not stay at the hotel if you only live 20 mins away - £475 is a huge amount of money for one night.

Thanks we definitely won't be staying at that price, especially as we won't be having a family holiday this year. The original hen plan was abroad. Whenever I raise objections I get well you could do this ? Or why don't you do that? I think - not being agist my sister hasn't a clue being so young and also the youngest being very spoilt! The hotel issue will also be a problem for people that we know are travelling quite far . I think at moment as its so up in air I wil have to decline hen do!

No way would I go to the hen do. I couldn't afford the wedding hotel so would stay somewhere cheaper. 21 is still an adult. I'm sorry but anyone who doesn't understand is just a knob!! If your sister kicks up a fuss she'll feel like such a fool when she's in your position!

Just seen you live 20 mins away, I'd drive home! If you're breastfeeding you won't be drinking anyway.

I'd maybe see if I could book a breakfast at the hotel the next day - bound to be cheaper than staying!

Even if I was single and well off I would not stay. I love my own bed too much. Ridiculous price.

Not a chance would I be going to the hen do, and at 20 minutes away from the wedding venue I'd be going there and back on the day too. Especially with a very young baby and being on maternity leave.

Would you be able to do a 'mini hen' for your sister? Just you, your mum and sister. Maybe the maid of honour. On a completely different day and at a cost you can afford. You could take your sister out for dinner, have dinner in. But make it a posh affair. So at least you don't feel like you're being guilted into something you can't/don't want to do but your sister doesn't feel like your being judgemental about the timings etc. I'm not saying you are. But if everyone else is on at you to 'just go' declining to would likely be seen as objecting, rather than actually acknowledging you have genuine reasons.

I totally agree that, since you only live 20 mins away, you should be able to drive back again in the morning to meet up with family etc. for breakfast, or your sister could do what many people with far-flung friends and relatives do, and organise a big lunch for people who want to carry on catching up.

Your sister just needs to accept your choices, without having a tantrum about it. Most hotels will allow non-guests to have breakfast, so long as you pay for that (but it can't be that expensive! Certainly not if you compare it to the overnight cost!)

I think you're plan sounds sensible.

After all, what will you regret 3 months after the wedding? Not having stayed overnight or gone to the 2nighter hen or not having £500+ (taking into account hen costs) to spend on essentials and add-ons to enjoy with DH and DCs?

I don't think id leave tiny baby for 2 nights for a hen do.

I would defo try to arrange that you travel for the day and do some activities but do it stay over at all.

Re wedding can you book somewhere nearer cheaper? Or you not drink and drive but stay quite late?

Oh missed wedding is only 20min away. I would book a taxi and sleep at home and I don't have kids! I wood drive back the next morning for breakfast etc tho.

Definitely no to the hen do. And if your family don't understand tough shit.

The wedding I would go and watch her be married, do as much of the meal as I could and then maybe the first hour of the evening do.

And being a bit devious I would definitely work hard at bfing to make sure baby is still bfed at the time of the hen. Ebf bottle refusing baby can not be left for any amount of time can it?!

If you're only an hour away by train for the hen do, can't you just go to London both days and not stay? Would def not pay £475 for a hotel

20 minutes away? Of course you should drive home (or take a taxi). Fidiculous to fork out hundreds, drag all the baby and toddler stuff with you etc, if you can avoid it. I would definitely just drive back home. And same with the hen do, I wouldn't even go for one night with such a tiny baby - just spa, and back in the evening.

I'd say no to the hen do on the grounds of money & will your husband be declining the stag on the same grounds?

Wedding, I'd def just go for the day!

If the venue is 20 minutes away just drive.

At £475 a night I think she may have a lot of guests declining the invitation.

Say sorry but i wont be going say to your sister first dont tell your mum or anybody else if sister says aww please come say sorry but i cant as i am feeding baby .

Go to the wedding though just go home

I would not go to the hen do with a 2 month baby at home
If venue is only 20 minutes away could you go home to sleep and book breakfast at hotel next morning so you could be there with family the next morning?

I wouldn't care if family commented on my not going with a 2 month old. Stock response would be in the lines off. You must have forgotten how much a 2 month old needs. / i know it's hard to understand where you don't have children yourself yet.

Go to the wedding and go home
Tbh I can't believe it's even an issue
Your sis is being mad

I was in the same situation.

Dbro getting married. Sil hen do was three nights away, when ds was 6 weeks.

I just said that what if ds was born and there were problems? Or I just didn't want to leave him at 6 weeks. The weekend cost £500 which was too much to risk.

I'd say no to the hen do and stay nearby in a cheaper hotel for the wedding.

Thank you I have sent a message saying that I maybe be able to stay one night on hen do or alternatively join them for the Saturday day part! I think fair compromise! With regards to hotel I am waiting for them to give me apparently reduced room rates but I am already dreading logistics of having a young baby and 4 year old( she is a flower girl) but it maybe a case of coming back for breakfast! My DH is waiting for stag do details but won't be able to afford whole lot either! Maybe a compromise like me as one of his best friends also getting married in July! Waiting for the fall out!