To ask your experience of violence

[TreeBird16]

It occurs to me today that at 34 years old I have never been hit. I have been fortunate enough to have never experienced physical violence or intimidation.

My parents made a conscious decision never to hit and stuck to it. We were never ever given a slap on the leg.

No partner has ever hit me and I have never been bullied or randomly beaten up.

I have never, nor will I ever hit my kids.

I wondering am I unusual in being fortunate in this regard?

A couple of taps on the legs as a small child which I don't really remember and don't see that as violence.

Never been hit or punched on purpose.

Been smacked in the face by accident when a friend was gesticulating and I was behind him - got a fist backhanded to the mouth and it split my lip.

Spanked very occasionally as a young kid.

Chased, physically threatened, restrained and nearly punched by my dad when I lived at home (he may be a narcissist. We have a good relationship now!).

Consensually spanked as an adult, but I don't think that counts as violence!

From working in nightclubs bar staff I've been threatened, spat at, chewing gum spat into my hair, verbally abused, smacked on the arse hard enough to leave welts, had people grab my tits hard enough to make me yelp, scratched and hair pulled, and had men pull me around by my arms and pin me up against the wall on several occasions, followed to the car and one even followed me to my door.

Dh doorman/security was assaulted fairly seriously 2 times last year (ear bitten off, hand broken) plus several smaller incidents. But has had glasses and bottles launched at him, threatened with knives/guns, the car has been damaged on purpose, had people piss in his bag and drinks thrown at him.

I have seen people be tazered by the police. Have witnessed multi person brawls, have watched a man who had been no trouble all night suddenly produce an 8 inch machete from a leather pouch out of his trouser leg and start waving it around. Women punched full in the face by men, girls have their hair set on fire on purpose. I've put multiple people into the recovery position after they'd fallen over/down stairs from being drunk and split their heads open and have seen more drug/alcohol induced seizures than I care to remember. This is over about the last 5-6 years. It's not a nice industry to work in, I don't work in it anymore and wouldn't ever encourage anyone else to.

sorry, that was super long

This sounds glib, but I don't mean it to.

It struck me during the Syria bombing vote that, when some female Labour MPs we're claiming harassment because people were emailing them pictures of dead babies, they were completely denying the violence they were voting for. Not only SHOULD people in this position explicitly see the consequences of their decisions (ie voting to blow people up), but they should understand what violence really is.

It struck me that most of them had probably never thrown a punch, let alone having been punched, yet they were arguing and voting for extreme violence to be delivered to others. The height of hypocrisy as far as I'm concerned.

Wow, some awful things on here.

Had the spank / slipper / belt as a child, but not hard. I was a little shit though.

Punched once by dad for being absolutely, truly awful to mom when I was a teen. I really deserved it. It took me a long time to cry over how far I'd pushed them. They deserved better than me.

A few scuffles and punches in early 20's, nothing serious. Jaw broken about 12 years ago when went to stop the trashing of a local shop (elderly owner was inside).

Saw a man trying to kill another (already unconscious) man by repeatedly bashing his head on the corner of a kerb. That sound will live with me for ever.

But the most scared I've been for my life was when our dog turned. He was big. I've blanked what happened, other than the look in his eyes. I KNOW he would have killed me if he could. He had to be destroyed.

That was cathartic. Never put it down in writing before. Thank you.

You're not missing out op it's awful. My ex was extremely violent unfortunately. He strangled me, threw me down the stairs, hit me numerous times across my back and legs with a wooden plank, scratched and hit me. All that and it is the emotional abuse which continues to haunt me.

I was moderately smacked as a child. Bullied, threatened and beaten up as a teenager. Had the odd altercation at clubs in my twenties. No violence as an adult.

Routinely spanked/whacked with the old wooden back brush or whatever was to hand as a child up to about 12 I think. Three kids with just a year between each and it was the 70's - that's how parents did it then! I don't feel particularly scarred but I have never hit my kids and none of my siblings have ever hit theirs. I look back at it now with curiosity and wonder why they didn't try to find a better way.
Never had a violent partner or been attacked at random for which I am eternally grateful.

What a sad thread. I'm so sorry that so many MNers have experienced violence and aggression .

I'm 51 and I've never been on the receiving end of any violent behaviour. I didn't realise how fortunate I've been and I am very grateful for it.

You ain't missing out OP, that's for sure.

I was smacked regularly by mum as a kid (70s upbringing, it was standard) but my dad used to smack us around the head really hard and on several occasions he would hit my head in one direction hard enough for me to then bang the opposite side of my head on the kitchen cupboard, I would then swear because it hurt, he would then smack me for swearing - back the other way. We absolutely lived in fear of his rages, which were often triggered by something such as knocking over a glass of water, or us being upset and crying. He also sexually assaulted me regularly.

I used to get in a fair amount of physical fights at school.

Been hit by two partners when I was younger, raped by one of them repeatedly as well.

Random acts of violence such as being shoved and kicked in clubs and pubs. There were always fights on "big" nights in the pubs - Xmas, new Year, Halloween, any bank holiday. I would try to keep out of the way, mainly, and it helped dating a man who was 6'2, who had a friend who was 6'4, both of them with broad shoulders. In reality he was far more frightened of a fight than I was!

I really don't miss drinking when I think about those days.

Mum used to hit us with a hairbrush/slipper/hand when I was young (another 70's child here). Dad only hit me once (slap around the face) when I was late teens and had been awful to my DM.

Coming out of a nightclub I was beaten up quite badly by a woman for no reason when I was late teens.

I was raped in my mid-teens by a friend's Dad.

I have never, ever hit my DCs and I hope they never encounter any violence in their lives.

Apart from the rape, the violence hasn't really stayed with me, I think what has effected me the most is the EA I got from my parents and extended family as a very, very small child, this lasted until I grew up and moved away.

I've been in many physical altercations. Was charged with GBH while at university after getting into a fight outside a pub. Had an iron bar smashed over my head a few months later in another incident. I once got into a huge fight on the tube that lasted a very long time and resulted in one of us nearly getting his ear bitten off. Countless fights in clubs, etc. Even a fight in the comedy tent at a park in Dulwich during some festival (bit random, that).

Sounds awful, doesn't it? Absolutely appalling. It's not as if I enjoyed it. It's just what happens when you combine youth, heavy doses of testosterone, deep-seated anger, and an inability to back down. The world is full of us, unfortunately.

Just remembered my mum's boyfriend held me down and put a knife to my neck when I was about 7.

Violent but loving upbringing when young. When I got in to teens my dm must have been going through something because I lived in fear of her and genuinely dreaded hearing her approach my room at night. She'd demean and attack me, wreck my possessions sometimes, if my df tried to intervene or not be on her side it would enrage her. We have a good relationship now though still carelessly cruel with words.

Had fights with friends and brothers normal stuff

Second, older boyfriend, was physically assaulted - dont remember any particular time he struck me more terrorising, pulling hair. He'd rape me when drunk but didn't think it was rape (not violent). Id say no and sometimes cry because it sometimes hurt and still does and I have to work around it. Im afraid of saying that outloud though as Im sure no one wants to hear they are a rapist or someone they know, it's hard to justify branding him in my head.

Fifth bf about 3 times would turn when drunk. Beaten, kicked when down etc he once choked me until I passed out, I was standing being choked then next thing I know I was coming around from the deepest most relaxing sleep, realising Im cold, wet, on the pavement.... then awake. I thought he punched me and knocked me out. He looked horrified, must've thought he killed me.

Sixth, v long term bf, father of dd just would lose his rag sometimes and intimidate me (very naturally large man & body builder), pulling hair, assault when pregnant, I found mn then and really pulled myself together. Learned a lot. NC with him, no other men go near dd either, dread living with someone full time and not being able to get away for any reason.

Most recent has beaten me black and blue when he is drunk a handful of times. Once he drank for a few days straight and was intolerably disrespectful and cruel and unpredictable... staring at me then slapping my face etc. The worst were the times I wasn't sure I'd leave the room and felt a really big dread and regret that I ever walked into this room that i now cant leave. On holiday to make up for one of these times ended up becoming one of these times, beat, suffocated, punch to face that split lip, dragged into shower turned on hot, held face upwards, anytime I inhaled was pure water cus his hands were over my nose and face.
When he started suffocating me by holding my nose and hand over mouth i started involving police which I now regret
This all happened suddenly when he went on an AD and drank on them. Off them now and drink and "will do anythng"

I'm 22, makes me think it has to be me.

No idea why the first time being choked was so pleasant and everytime since so horrific and drawn out. Maybe it was a blood flow thing rather than air

My father once grabbed me by the throat and tried to strangle me, I was eight at the time.

A boy at my school also grabbed me by the throat when I was twelve. Another kicked me so hard in the back of the leg that the fall set off arthritis in my knee that affects me now.

I was sexually assaulted/molested by an older "friend" for almost a year.

Very violent 2nd husband. & after him, an emotionally violent OP. I somehow found him worse than the physically violent husband..in terms of verbal, emotional violence being very calculated and sustained to cause maximum upset over a longer period of time. Im not comparing different forms of "violence" as better, just saying how I felt. 2nd hubby jailed. OP went off with a friend of mine..I guess that was the ultimate in terms of upsetting my life which he devoted a lot of time to doing. Crushing at the time but looking back he did me a favour. 2 nasty fuckers Im glad I will never see again.

Funny enough I tend to think of it less often now..but have only skimmed this thread briefly as I realised it was upsetting me to read. Id typed a more detailed response re. violence/effects but deleted it as it gets to you sometimes, spelling it out. I have a great respect for those who can.

to all who've gone thru the fire..we are still here

Raped at 13, hit in the face and head on a bus at 15 by a girl who thought I'd slept with her bf, quite badly beaten up by an ex at 17 and then nothing for years until I got pushed around and threatened with knives and a gun during an aggravated burglary at my home a couple of years ago, I'm 41 now so that was my first violent experience as an adult really.

I was hit by parents as punishment and then was in a violent relationship in my teens. I've never been in any fights or randomly hit by a stranger.

I don't think much of it now, I have a great relationship with my parents and the ex is long gone (17 years since I had any contact). I'm not traumatised and didn't need therapy or anything.

I was smacked as a child (not badly). I have been raped although there was no other violence involved. I was very sore the next few days though.

My brother and I fought as children but he has also hit me as an adult. Oh and a boy in the playground once started to hit me and kick me. I have no idea why. That was in primary school.

VioletRoller are you still with an abusive partner?

Yes I think you were lucky,as a child I was beaten alot,left marks,thrown across the kitchen at 3 years old,smacked over the back with a hoover when I was 13.I was a really quiet kid as well.

Punched once at school,the girl never touched anyone ever again after that,I made sure of it.

Sexually assaulted and raped multiple times from very young till I was 25 and I left my first husband.

Punched once in the stomach in a night club by a man when I was 26,luckily I could hold my own by then.

Smacked a few times as a child
Had a fight with a horrible bit who was bullying my sister
One violent ex who hit me a few times and had his hands around my throat on occasion
Nothing compared to some of you. Makes me sad reading this

Boy not bit Obvs stupid phone

Regularly hit/thrown/beaten by both my parents and older brother. Since leaving home: nothing!