To ask your experience of violence

[TreeBird16]

It occurs to me today that at 34 years old I have never been hit. I have been fortunate enough to have never experienced physical violence or intimidation.

My parents made a conscious decision never to hit and stuck to it. We were never ever given a slap on the leg.

No partner has ever hit me and I have never been bullied or randomly beaten up.

I have never, nor will I ever hit my kids.

I wondering am I unusual in being fortunate in this regard?

I can't recall ever being pushed.

Am nearly 40, BTW.

I've been lucky too and have very minimal personal experience of violence

I was spanked as a child (as per the norm on the 1970s) but that's all

Fighting with my brother as a child is pretty much my own experience of being in a fight

Lightly spanked by my mum for being naughty...never a proper smack.
My biological father however had other ideas about how to discipline his children. From being born until the age of 5 when he finally left, I had a few broken wrists, a fractured eye socket, numerous cuts, was beaten with various household objects. Luckily I was so young at the time, I've been able to forget about a lot of it over the years.
My step father is an incredible man. I call him dad, I carried his name before I got married, he raised me. He never once raised his voice to me or my sister. Never raised a hand to us. He taught me what a real parent is like, and I will never ever hit my children.

Smacked once by Dad (for laughing at Step mum falling over in the mud at Weston-super-Mare, aged about 8).

Smacked once by Mum (for lying about doing my homework, losing school books and generally being a shit, aged 13).

Beaten up by a girl I slightly knew, age 16, for "looking at her wrong". Black eye. Police not informed.

Beaten up by brother age 17. Fractured skull. Police not informed.

Regularly beaten up by boyfriend age 18/19. Finally left when he kicked me down the stairs. Police not informed.

Beaten up by brother (same one as above). Fractured skull, partially detached retina. Police informed. He got away with a slap on the wrist (£250 fine, £110 compensation).

Smacked rarely as a child. It didn't scar me emotionally but I didn't hit my own DC's.

Been in a couple of physically abusive relationships. Hit, shoved, bit in the nose once - that was the worst.

Threatened viciously by a complete thug in a pub when out with girlfriends. Was scared for my life but he smashed the pub up instead.

Sad really. I'm sure there are other examples, just don't want to think about them all.

Regularly hit by mother as a child: hand, slipper ect. Never by dad (they divorced when I was four). Smacked around by mums boyfriend between the age of 7-16-ish, mums didn't know about half of it. As a result am not closing to mum in regards to being 'loving'. She was quite cold, hugs and affection weren't encouraged. I swore my husband would be the opposite of him, and he is and I hug and kiss my kids all the time.

Beaten by my mum, fights at school, punched by a random man as a 15 year old, dragged by step parent, beaten up by a girl gang, hit with a gun in the head and punched a few times by an ex during one episode. Sounds really bad written down.

I had the odd smack as a child from my mother (as someone else said, pretty acceptable in the 60s/70s).

I have never been hit by a man (or woman for that matter) or been in an abusive relationship or violent situation. I have thrown something at my DH (once) and I have smacked my own child.

The odd smack when I was younger and a unprovoked attack from a girl in the primary school cloakroom - still have absolutely no idea what caused it but she had to be pulled off. Fortunately that is the extent of it.

You lucky OP nobody deserve to be beaten

I do voluntary work with victims of domestic violence and one of the saddest things is just how many of the women/girls I meet seem to think that some form of violence is almost 'to be expected'.

My parents used to occasionally smack my bum.
I've been in a couple of fights when younger. Usually defending someone. I've not been hurt really in those though just pushed.
A close friend punched me in the side of the head. Another friend slapped me and pushed me and split my lip.

Bloody hell I'm genuinely gobsmacked by the amount of you who've suffered so much appalling violence. Only "violence" I've ever encountered was my sister & I slapping each other hands in a grumpy mood. I feel incredibly fortunate and didn't realise how rare this was

As a child, i was hit by 'friends' of the family
My brother has sen and occassionally hit me (not his fault)
I worked in a job where i was regulalry assulted.

Was smacked by both mum and dad as a child, along with an auntie who looked after me regularly.

My nan (who had mental health issues) once pinned me in my bed and slapped me repeatedly because I couldn't get to sleep (I was around 8 I think)

As a teenager, I got bullied a lot, including being held down by 2 people and having another hit, kick and stamp on me.

At 18 me and a friend were flashed by a random man. When I shouted at him, he pushed me to the floor and ran away.

A friends ex punched me at a party for taking all her attention (I.e asking her to come and dance)

I worked in mental health and got pushed and shoved and had my arm purposely shut in a door by people I was looking after

My violent ex pushed, shoved and punched me. Ended when he pushed me down the stairs then ran down to keep kicking me.

Reading that back, I've had quite a lot of exposure to violence. It's actually surprised and upset me to see it written down.

You're very very lucky OP

I was randomly punched in the ribs by a tramp when I was about 17 in Streatham High Street in broad daylight :(
My mum used to deal out the odd slap on the wrist, but it's the only time I've been hit that hurt.

I was never hit as a child by parents but was by older siblings. I have had a relationship which was emotionally abusive in my late teens till mid 20s. Not violent though. The only violence I have experienced as an adult was at a house party where a man cut my arm with a knife. It needed 8 stitches. I never reported it and I regret it even now. I have seen the man since in passing a few times and I still find it unsettling.

Semi Regularly spanked / hit by my mum when I was naughty as a child. Mum / Dad hit me last when I was about 17 and we were arguing.

Was regularly hit by ex foster kids (my parents fostered) and was beaten up and sexually abused by one in particular over several years - worst time was when he hit me with a metal bar over my head and I crawled to the kitchen and grabbed a knife to try and protect myself / threaten him with. I think I was about 15 then (and I got into trouble for my part in it )

As an adult I am completely ashamed to admit I had a fight with an old foster child who csme back to visit us. She was mouthing off and I grabbed her hair and hit her. I haven't ever hit anyone before, or since, and am always mortified when I think of it.

Ds is nearly 4 and I have never hit him and never plan on. I don't want violence as a part of his life on any level.

Smacked kegs by my mum, as a kid.
Grew up in a violent home. Father was a violent alcoholic.
Pushed about by ex-h. Left him when bruises started to show.

Smacked LEGS

I've never been attacked. But (perhaps ironically?) I trained for over a decade in a contact martial art. I know what it feels like to be utterly pinned by somebody stronger and I have had a couple of black eyes and some other injuries from mis-timed moves. I know how completely disorientating it is (and that's without the actual fear of a real attack).

Also violent alcoholic father. Lots of shouting, things thrown at us, doors slammed on fingers. Mainly directed at mother but as I got older and called him on it he started to go for me until I threatened him I'd kill him in his sleep then he stopped going after me at least. Got out at 18.

Assaulted on way home from boyfriends at 16, grabbed me from behind on a footpath and grabbed my arse. I kicked him in the shin and slapped him and ran like fuck to my friends nans house.

Attacked twice at school including being dragged by hair along corridor teacher present did nothing.

Ex pushed me, threw things, grabbed my throat, slapped me Inc when I was pregnant.

Regularly pushed, slapped etc as a HCP.

Assaulted by police when on peaceful protest marches. First time I was 14.

All males. I don't trust men especially if they've had a drink.

My mum used to give us a smack to back of the legs. It was always effective and I never held that against her until she lashed out at me one night (she was furious and totally beyond reasoning with over an issue that had been previously explained to her) while holding the TV remote. She broke my little finger and never apologised.

I was then viciously bullied at high school between the ages of 13 and 15. A group of girls tormented me to point that I was losing my hair and I was terrified to leave the house. I also stopped getting the school bus, instead walking 2mi home along a VERY creepy, secluded path just to avoid them. I was beaten up twice (once at school. My mum picked me up and drove me straight to the girl's mother's work with blood pouring from my nose, where the mother insisted that I must have provoked her daughter and that she absolutely wouldn't have just randomly walked into the dinner hall, ripped me from my chair and kicked the living shit out of me while crowds watched and a dinner lady had to physically remove her ). Another girl randomly ripped a chunk of my hair out while walking past me in class, another slapped me as I walked past her in the street and yet another accused me of something wildly illogical and then slapped my face.

Oh, and someone else set fire to my hair in the lunch queue.

As you can imagine, I fucking hated school and would rather throw myself down the stairs than attend a reunion.

Assaulted by my step father several times when growing up.

Violent marriage which started with emotional abuse then 'just' a slap or kick or punch and progressed onto beatings for over a decade.

Attacked at school once.

I have never raised a hand to anyone.

Never hit by parents.
Got a black eye from a drunken fight with my best friend when we were 17. To this day she maintains that I swung the first punch, but missed!
I got "happy slapped" on a bus once. Remember when that was a thing? A teen lad slapped me upside the head, then when I turned around to tell him to fuck off, his mate took a photo.

I've also experienced some sexual violence, including rape.