... when a family member copies your engagement ring

[Neveradullm0ment]

Had mine several years. Relative rocks up at Christmas, says she has always liked my ring. She got engaged in the summer and her ring is exactly the same as mine, except it's about twice the size. I said how nice it was (being polite - but was mortified). My ring is antique so slightly unusual - and she had hers made. Now I'm now a jewellery person - I even gave up wearing earrings after DD2, and myt sister has a huge engagement ring so I'm not envious at all. So can someone tell me why am I annoyed/angry about this,it's my DSIL, DH's sister. My ring was chosen by my DD1 - we got engaged when she was 2 years old and DH took her to the jewellers. Maybe that's why I'm annoyed. I'm not going to say anything except rant here!

'you're copying me' is playground talk.

why are you bothered?

most engagement rings look similar anyway.

It doesn't change your ring at all. The sentiment behind it or it's worth.

Yabu.

Is there so little going on your life that this is all you have to worry about? totally unreal!

So if her best friend turned up with the same design but twice as big as your SIL's would that bother you?

I'm in two minds about this. Nobody likes a copycat of a precious, meaningful item, especially if it's to "beat" you in any way. I can see why it's anger inducing.

But your lovely ring hasn't lost its value in anyway! Have it cleaned OP so it can sparkle as new and try and forgive your SIL's thoughtlessness.
I wish the happiness in your marriage continues, ultimately that is what matters.

I wouldn't care. Who is going to know except you and it's quite flattering. Although I know people can be very precious about jewellery.
A girl I know fell out with her best friend because the best friend had a similar engraving done on her husband to be's ring wedding that she had done on her husbands wedding ring.(inside the ring so not even visible) The 2 husbands in questions were best friends too, the already married one was due to be best man at the others wedding but they were unceremoniously uninvited and have not spoken since.
Totally daft.

Size isn't everything!
I have a cluster ring - which even after wearing for over 15 years is stunning - total strangers often comment on it - because the stones are an unusual cut and of really good quality even though each one is not that big
Take it as a compliment I'm sure your ring is beautiful and of course was chosen individually for you with love by the sound of it

I sort of copied a friends ring. Same basic design but different finish and stones. Not bigger than hers or she might have been annoyed with me. My mum has since copied mine. Same design and finish but different stones.

Aw, I don't think OP is spitting her dummy out or doing anything OTT. She said she's not going to do anything about it other than have a moan on here. I think she's entitled to that.

I think it's probably unrealistic not to expect to feel anything else initially. Venting mildly on here is perfect way to get it off your chest.

OP, I get it and as I said upthread I'd just have to persuade myself to use it to reinforce my ring's obvious fabulousness.

Yes. "She copied my jewellery" is almost 100% a first world problem. But you obviously don't get on in other ways so it's just a projection/extension of that.

FGS don't mention it to her. If she's done it to wind you up she'll just be thrilled. If she hasn't she'll be upset and you'll look like a weirdo. And everyone stares at their own ring at first when it's new and unusual!

It just lacks a bit of imagination doesn't it?

I have a standard engagement ring. A friend got engaged and asked where mine was from as they were going shopping - it was just a high street store. She got the exact same one, even down to size (at a guess from looking). She also got married at the same place as me.

It was a bit single white female tbh and I wasn't happy. I'm over the feelings at the time but I still don't really get why she couldn't do it her own way.

Lack of confidence? cantthink?

Worra yes I agree - sounds bonkers! But I really think that would be my knee-jerk reaction!!
DAMN YOU, YOU ENORMOUS EVIL IMPOSTOR TWIN ENGAGEMENT RING.

Oops - that was meant to be cantthink

Dunno gleam At the time I thought she might have been slightly jealous that she didn't do it first. Obviously I never said anything to her as it was her moment and she put the picture of the ring on FB before I saw her in person so I didn't have to hide any shock IRL!

I was a bit more put out over the reception venue in the end as when we were there it just felt a bit odd, especially with all the female friends being the same. obviously our guests were more fun

If somebody photocopied the Mona Lisa and used real gold to colour it in, the original would remain the better piece of art I'm sure.

I have never noticed or been asked to look at anyone else's rings - of whatever significance.

My first thought on reading title was surely engagement rings are all basically the same.

My friend got a very similar ring to mine because she loved mine and I wasn't bothered.

We are not spending loads of time together waving our left hands around, even if we were then mine was given to me by my DH and hers by hers.

Non issue for me. If she had form for copying then I would just feel sorry for her.

Most engagement rings look the same to me these days. OP your wasn't handmade so it is likely that you are not the exclusive owner of one.

Hmm. I'm not normally annoyed by this sort of thing but by ring is very much unusual so I would be a bit peeved if someone did it to me. Nothing to be gained by you version by annoyed though so you may as well try to forget about it.

Of your dh had yours commissioned and designed uniquely for you then you'd have a point. But he didn't.

My mum literally put her engagement ring against mine to ensure her diamond was bigger. We got married in the same year (her 2nd marriage, to a man long established in his career, while dh and I were just starting out) and she thought I was stealing her thunder. It was an awkward year. Thankfully our rings didn't look alike; I probably would have been disowned.

I think it is a nice compliment! She surely wouldn't choose to have a ring inspired by someone she didn't like, same way people don't tend to do that when naming children.

I say this as I go out of my way to give people compliments like this. Saying "nice wallpaper" for me is less sincere than saying, "I loved your wallpaper so much, it made the room look lovely and welcoming, I also put it in my DD's room and she's so happy there now".

I thought those gestures were thoughtful and genuine, but it turns out I might be perceived as a jerk? Ouch.

What would be out of order is to hear an idea from someone, act on it first, claim it as your own. But that is a different matter.

Can't say I really would have an issue with it.

In my family most of us have had the classic solitaire diamond engagement rings. I don't think anyone would have been copying anyone else. It just wouldn't have occurred to me.

Absolutely mental that women care about shit like that. Who gives a fuck??

Wait until she copies your wedding dress as well. Only with more bling.