... when a family member copies your engagement ring

[Neveradullm0ment]

Had mine several years. Relative rocks up at Christmas, says she has always liked my ring. She got engaged in the summer and her ring is exactly the same as mine, except it's about twice the size. I said how nice it was (being polite - but was mortified). My ring is antique so slightly unusual - and she had hers made. Now I'm now a jewellery person - I even gave up wearing earrings after DD2, and myt sister has a huge engagement ring so I'm not envious at all. So can someone tell me why am I annoyed/angry about this,it's my DSIL, DH's sister. My ring was chosen by my DD1 - we got engaged when she was 2 years old and DH took her to the jewellers. Maybe that's why I'm annoyed. I'm not going to say anything except rant here!

I wouldn't care either.

That's true Worra

I just get fed up of trying to justify myself and I then start soul searching just in case I am being disingenuous

As you can see, quite a few people wouldn't be bothered. So you should assume that she wouldn't have been bothered if it had happened in reverse. No harm intended, so no offense should be taken. To her, it's just a pretty object and she admired yours so much she wanted one for herself.

Nobody else will notice.

I think it might annoy initially but really it wouldn't bother me long term. Rings are not that noticeable (to me) and you still have and love yours and you know you got yours first.

Why on earth is this a problem? I would take it as a compliment.

Okay I'm glad I posted - I'm going to try and see it as a compliment. And I wouldn't be bothered to be honest - of my own sister's I just thought 'how lovely' and that was it. I'm guessing this is a real first world problem and I need to get over it! When she stares at it again - as she did this weekend just gone - I may have to say something though

I'd be flattered. I might be annoyed if she'd pretended it was a coincidence, but she didn't, she said she'd always liked yours.

It's not the same though, is it?

It's a different size.

I'm sure many designs also come in different sizes.

Personally I would be fuming.
My ring is unique and if anyone copied it I would be cross.
If anyone copied it bigger I probably wouldn't be able to help snapping 'well, it's lovely. Of course I didn't want the size of the stones to eclipse the design, I felt it would be vulgar. But it suits YOU beautifully'

Well I would be bothered, though I wouldn't say anything to her. A bit crass on her part.

I would see it as flattering if it were exactly the same - however, because hers is bigger, it's shit. It feels like she's saying "See, this is what yours could have looked like if only you had as much money as I do".\

Which isn't polite or flattering at all, it's intensely rude and condescending.

This wouldn't bother me that much. So many rings are quite similar. I don't think people are going to say ah yes I saw your sil's ring and it's much blingier and more expensive looking than yours.

Has she had it specifically made or just happened to find the same only bigger?

Yes it would annoy me quite a lot, but I wouldn't say anything to her.

A friend did this to me. Really liked my setting and bought a bigger stone

She lives overseas though so it only mildly bugs me when I see her.

she's also copied car seats, kitchen appliances and all kinds of other random stuff I can't get excited about so she's either really quite lazy, short on time or has no imagination

How does she get on with your husband, her brother? In some ways she's competing with him, showing him she's 'better' than him as she can have a bigger stone in her ring. With gemstones colour, clarity & cut are important as well as carat size - she might have an enormous stone which is a poor colour and has visible occlusions.

It's not exactly the same, hers is much larger. On that basis, nobody who saw them side by side (and nobody will) would think they are the same. You're overthinking it. It may well be that she likes the design of yours, but using much bigger stones is quite a difference imo.

It was made especially diddl.

Sorry but YABU. Wouldn't bother me.

Going against the grain - that would REALLY bother me too OP. YANBU to be annoyed but YWBU to say something about it. You said that it's the same but much bigger. I would focus on the fact that it is not the same because yours is lovely and dainty!

I think I would be annoyed because it had so much sentimental value to me and now it has an enormous twin parading around that people I don't know would see and not know the full story behind. yes, ther ear eprobably other rings very similar out there but ignorance is bliss! I know that makes no sense, but there you go!

Your ring is special to you because your dh bought it
Doesn't matter than your relative has a larger ring, your dh didn't buy that one

I'd be flattered. She likes yours, and thinks it's really pretty so got one very similar.

I wouldn't like that at all. It is not like buying the same jumper as you or a small thing like that.

Lol @ 'enormous twin parading around'

Calm down

The chances are there are thousands of rings 'parading around' that are almost identical to the OP's.

There are only so many engagement ring designs anyone can come up with.

If the OP's is antique, then the chances of other rings being made with the same or similar design, have probably massively increased over the years.

If she did it deliberately to make yours look small and inadequate then she is not a nice person.

If she did it deliberately because she really likes that style and wanted a big ring then she might be a perfectly nice person.

Only you can decide which is true, op. Time will tell I'm sure!