To suspect my colleague is lying about cancer

[Houseofmirth66]

My colleague, who is lovely in most respects, has a history of fibbing. She does it a lot and as we've worked together for a number of years I've noted many occasions when a story she tells about her family, a relationship or a holiday clearly turns out to be untrue. I really don't want to think she'd make up something like this but the contradictions in what she says with regard to her treatment and its side effects are becoming increasingly extreme - bordering on outlandish - and I'm wondering if it is a lie that's become so difficult to pull back from that she actually wants to be caught out. Not sure whether I'm being unreasonable in thinking that she could be lying. Or what, if anything, I would do if she were.

EM withme I've gone cold. Im worried this is happening to me. Detail so familiar

fit the op didn't say she got pregnant unexpectedly. But that she was infertile me now excited to start ttc.

It's possible it's ivf, but given the detail this colleague gives the op, I thought she would have said Ivf.

I've been in touch with the zombie about this by pm in the past.
is there a way to tell?

Unless it affects you, I don't think you should speculate.

I've lost a lot of family members to Cancer and worked in end of life care. There are similar themes, which each persons Cancer, but there can be large variations.

No-one believed my DH was ever as ill as we said, because he carried on working and 'bounced back' after each period of ill health, he went on to take himself to hospital, 'not feeling right' and died, pain free, weeks later, we knew that the Cancer had spread everywhere.

If I explained the 5 years build up (and when I have talked about it), I haven't been completely believed.

It was very hurtful that this came from Collegues, Friends and even Family members.

I've got Lupus, most people don't understand having a lack of immunity and I've been questioned quite aggressively on occasion.

There's been times, when I've had hospital appointments and I haven't been well enough to take in the information, I've known my Consultants for seven years, I trust them, so I haven't questioned everything, I've just hoped I'm feeling well enough on my next monthly appointment.

Most people haven't had low hemoglobin, low immunity and illness, so don't understand why you might be unquestioning and vague and assume you're lying.

I do know a person with Munchausens, hers is a need for attention by Professionals, she was in Foster Care from the age of 18 months. She is somewhat indulged by HCPs, because in her case, she is at risk of self harming/endangering herself.

Also my DD was told she wouldn't conceive naturally, but did (because of a fluke happening).

It's like I've had everything happen in my family (but I have) and could quite easily be called a liar.

Birds
It affects me in that I'm drawn into it and cannot withdraw. It stresses and upsets me.

I believed I was infertile from the age of 22 until the age of 37, when I had dd.

I wonder if people thought I was a liar?

Infertile here till 32 - my vagina killed all commers:) ivf failed - decided against further treatment's - went on holiday - got very pissed - also very pregnant - now have 3 - second and third child conceived 1st try. Weird stuff happens.

I've known a similar situation with a colleague. She lied about people dying ( the same grandmother died 3 times) and being burgled, and having her car stolen.

The best one though was after she went AWOL and we cut off her pay. She then rang in, pretending to be her mum, and said she's been kidnapped!

I think a family member has Munchausen's. Would they have had it all their life or can it just develop in later life?
I think the hospital / A&E/ docs are onto them now but I don't know where the family should go from here
Does intervention by family work - ie challenging them and facing out their lies? or does a mental health professional need to help them sort it?

Sorry for hijack BTW. OP I wouldn't get involved - just nod and smile - as it's just a work colleague.

Birdsgottafly - that's so poignant and sad about your DH.

May I ask how you deal with Lupus (ie medication)?

kat I have a similar situation with the family member I mentioned. She works in the medical profession, but isn't a Dr or specialist. No one is allowed to question what she says when its medical because she knows better than us plebs. She's had my parents terrified of things, and despite me sitting there with google and information from their specialists they believe her when she says everyone else is just trying to spare them the truth. Its so infuriating.

Currently I have a lump on my breast which is being checked out, but 90% they've said its going to be nothing. My view is if I was ill and they gave me a 90% chance of survival I'd take that as positive, so I'm happy to take a 90% its not a problem (plus its all being taken very seriously and properly checked out just in case). Family member has recently gone through the same thing. Because of the panic about this she caused, I haven't felt able to tell my own DM because I can't put her through any more needless worry. Especially as, even thought I know one of the very unlucky 10% in this particular scenario, I'm not going to worry unless the Drs tell me to!

Stay well out of it. If she has a history of lying and her claims seem outlandish then you are best off completely out of it, have the minimum contact necessary with her. Some people are liars, best to keep away.

kat hope your lump turns out ok - I am sure it will

""May I ask how you deal with Lupus (ie medication)?""

The main way is lifestyle. I found being Vegan worked for me. I moderate my drinking/exercise. I find a lot of people don't understand managing your health and the fitter you are, the less effect ill health has iyswim.

I'm good with pain (no judgement on anyone who isn't), so I avoid painkillers.

I have to get Liver screening done and minimising Meds has made a difference to me.

I've been on Anti Inflammatories, Steroids and a mix of Whatever I've needed. Ive had blood clots, so they've been treated. I've spent a fair bit of time in hospital over the years. I've been on and off Warfarin I have anti viral (for Shingles) for when I need them.

Treatment for me has been on a 'when needed' basis and has covered everything.

It's accompanied by tiredness going to complete exhaustion.

I now only work part time.

I'm signed off sick at the moment because I'm exhausted and I've got various health things going on.

I don't want to describe to Collegues that I'm full of Thrush, Mouth Sores, Skin Rashes etc and that's why people can be vague.

I'm lucky, mine isn't of ablevel that some peoples are and my face and neck have cleared.

Thanks birds, I didn't understand what it was.

Wishing you well.

Just give her a wide berth if you can help it.

When I was a teenager, I worked with a girl who was constant fibber. She fibbed her sister had cancer - we all raised money and when we went to her home, her parents were mortified and immediately told her off.

She lied about the car breaking down on the way to work (she lived 10 minutes walk to work).

She lied about being adopted.

Then she lied about a boy raping her - they had kissed once and when he said that he didn't want to be her boyfriend, she lied about him raping her.

My technique was to just avoid her, and when we she cornered me, I would just nod and say nothing much.

When she started complaining about some major thyroid problem I just nodded and didn't even say much. She got quite agitated saying she is not lying, but I looked her squarely in the eyes and just said, I am sorry, but I don't know if what you are saying is really true, so I am not sure whether I can really empathise or I should ignore you. I then reminded her about the times she had lied. She never spoke to me after that and I was happier for it! But I felt bad when it turned out she really was suffering from a thryoid problem, so much she became wheelchair bound.

But noone had sympathy for her and even though she had clearly ballooned in weight and her ankles became cankles and couldn't walk properly - people still thought she was just exaggerating it.

I went to uni with a girl who had a serious lying problem. Some gems included:

She knew a 7 year old who had been raped and got pregnant. The 7 year old carried the baby to term and delivered naturally

She didn't get any mail at all for over 2 years and it all came to a head when it turned out her postman had a massive shrine dedicated to her in his house

Someone might have already asked this so forgive me if so cos only skim read. Does she have to take time off for treatment? Surely she would need hospital letters as evidence?

There are some theories about how Munchausen's arises, and one of them is that some people grew up in chaotic or unsupportive homes, where they were only given support or care when they were ill. So they develop a vested interest in being ill, in order to receive care from others. They did not learn how to solicit care in a functional way, nor to self-care growing up. I generally feel quite sympathetic about that, but it really breaks down for me when it comes to Munchausen's by Proxy. That is infuriating, because the perpetrator gets all of the benefit, on the back of suffering and confusion for the victim, usually a child.

The link between Munchausen's and MSBP is a tenuous one though so let's be careful. It's not possible to reverse engineer the stats from how many with MSBP behaviours also have Munchausen's. Just as you can't go backwards from how many with lung cancer were smokers. There are far more smokers who do not develop lung cancer, just as there are far more people with various forms of somatic disorders who do not develop MSBP.

Unfortunately it's a bloody tricky cohort to study. For obvious reasons people with somatic disorders don't often volunteer for studies.

Well if she is lying about having cancer then it is quite clear that she must be mentally unwell so can we please have some sympathy for her please

Oh, I didn't mean that MS literally turns into MSBP, I just meant to say that I have less sympathy for MSBP.

Although I did see a fascinating case in which a woman who had been "exposed" as having Munchausen's Syndrome then developed MSBP subsequently. But most folks with MS, at least in the US, where we have multiple disconnected healthcare systems, just leave one system and go to another when people figure out what is going on.