To suspect my colleague is lying about cancer

[Houseofmirth66]

My colleague, who is lovely in most respects, has a history of fibbing. She does it a lot and as we've worked together for a number of years I've noted many occasions when a story she tells about her family, a relationship or a holiday clearly turns out to be untrue. I really don't want to think she'd make up something like this but the contradictions in what she says with regard to her treatment and its side effects are becoming increasingly extreme - bordering on outlandish - and I'm wondering if it is a lie that's become so difficult to pull back from that she actually wants to be caught out. Not sure whether I'm being unreasonable in thinking that she could be lying. Or what, if anything, I would do if she were.

Oh and I worked with a girl who all in one week

Had sex for the first time, found out she was pregnant, had an abortion and got pregnant again.

Aussie the Belle Gibson thing was awful wasn't it.

I believe she is now trying to still get fame by being 'honest about her problems'.

Not sure wether to be appalled by her or feel quite sorry for her.

She may be a hysterical type that exaggerates/catastrophises everything.

She's told "You have pre-cancerous cells in your cervix" She hears the "cancer" bit, panics and mishears and tells everyone she's got cancer. She googles the treatment for cervical cancer and it looks as if it can lead to infertility. She panics about that too.

She goes back for her next appointment, they treat the pre-cancerous cells and tell her she needs more regular smear tests in case she gets more pre-cancerous cells. She decides to crack on with TTC before "the cancer" comes back.

People are very ignorant about some things (eg several people on this thread asking if there is such a thing as Munchausens Syndrome by Proxy without the Proxy! Good God!) I think it's quite common to be told precancerous and assume cancer, or to exaggerate.

I wouldn't call her on it. You don't want to be that person.

I worked with someone like this (it's funny how many people there are that do this). It was exhausting trying to keep up with it.
Mine would tell different people different things forgetting we'd all talk.

Best example was that she told me before her 2 weeks off work that she was going to NYC for "treatment for her condition" (no idea what condition). She told another colleague she was going to NYC for an interview. And another colleague who knew a friend of hers saw pictures of the two of them gallivanting in Florida at the same time she was meant to be in NYC.

It's incredibly tricky I had treatment for breast cancer successfully having my biopsies etc. In my lunch hours, having surgery and post op time. I own my own business whilst I had other staff if clients had got wind of the cancer it could have been a disaster for the business. Only two very trusted staff knew and helped me manipulate Rotas so know one knew. I was incredibly fortunate surgery by itself was curative.
I also had a friend who had chemo for bowel cancer that was expect to destroy her ovaries and make her infertile, but it didn't. Sadly the cancer recurred just as she was about to try for a baby and she didn't make it.
My point it could be true it is possible to a) hide it well and b) not be infertile.
I would tread very carefully.

NC for obvious reasons.

I once lied about having a serious medical issue (not cancer). I was going through a horrendously stressful time in my life and my mother had disowned me (after I confronted her about my childhood sexual abuse among other things). I was devastated and as a last resort emailed her that I was very unwell because I desperately wanted her to contact me. She didn't but told other family members who then asked me about it and did not take it seriously anyway as they had already been spun a story by my mother about why she had disowned me.

I was awaiting a major operation at the time too in my defence.

I am mortified about it now. It was not something I would ever have done in normal circumstances, I had no previous form for lying (honestly!) but mentally I was in complete distress. In the event no one was hurt and no support was given because no one gave a shit, in fact my sister found it funny although she had no proof that it was untrue. Told me all I needed to know about my family.

I would imagine that this colleague has mental health issues. It would be hard for you to bring up with a manager because if you're wrong, you would look pretty terrible! I would keep your suspicions to yourself unless it starts to impact on you.

Surely management will ask for proof of hospital appointments/sick notes if she keeps taking time off?

My friend had chemotherapy and took tamoxifen for several years and was told by Doctors she would be unlikely to be fertile after this, although it was never explained clearly to her.

After reading hope stories online, she now thinks she will be able to get pregnant and is trying to.

I think balloonslayer may be on to something. My SIL and MIL are very much like this. They will receive a new medication and they always - without faul-suffer some form of side effect. When I gently mentioned they were unfortunate to always experience this it became clear they read the leaflet and look at the side effects. Then they convince themselves that they have them!

Dmil was told she had fibroid, with the possibility of some of them becoming cancer. She told everyone she had cancer. Her only treatment was a hysterectomy which was scheduled about which was scheduled about 6 months after she told everyone she had cancer.

Me and dh just stayed out of it. Maybe she liked the attention but I think the truth is she hears 'possible' or 'potential' and for some reason thinks it is 100% certain.

Thanks for that liarliar. I hope your life is better now. While your story was helpful I'm not sure it explains why some people just have drama after crisis (actually extending wider than illness). Maybe stuff just snowballs.

Ememem weren't you tempted to ask "how was florid AHEM I mean new York? " when she came back?

Carrielou did you have a thread about it on mn at the time. I remember one about doubting if Dr's ex was telling the truth

Only halfway through this thread- very interesting and sad reading some of these stories there's some people out there that need some help.
Anyway I would urge to tread extremely carefully OP. A few years ago I was going through a lot of medical testing to determine a muscle disorder initially it looked like a had a type which was basically terminal- my symptoms and test results.
i was told at this time although I could have children that if I passed on the disorder (50/50) it gets progressive worse throughout generations so in theory affected children would have a more severe early onset and limited life expectancy.
I was 26 at the time.
I was distraught for weeks.
Further genetic testing and biopsies showed I had a very rare type of the muscle disorder which was much less severe symptom wise with a normal life expectancy- great news for me from what I was facing.
I found out later that some of my colleagues whom I thought of as friends had openly questioned in the office 'my story' and whether it was an elaborate ploy for time off
I was and still am completely disgusted by them I was going through the worse time of my life, I was physically sick and constantly shaking with panic about the future and they thought it was pretend. I still think that days more about them as people than me- I would not have thought someone was capable of that.
Anyway OP this person could be telling the truth- if so they need your support.
I'd rather give someone support even if it turns out they didn't genuinely need it than turn my back and it turns out they were telling the truth.

Sorry that was long!

I used to work for a large company, and was the disability representative for my area. We were told that 'if someone said they had a disability we had to believe them no questions'

I was working when I was diagnosed with cancer. I had to provide a letter from my surgeon to get the time off for my surgery and recovery. Then throughout chemo I had to provide fit notes. If I had been well enough to start working again, even from home, I would have need an occupational health assessment.

Definitely do not say anything to anyone. This is such a delicate area and it will not end well. It is up to the management to satisfy themselves if they are giving her time off. I know it is really frustrating if someone is possibly lying. However, if you challenge her in any way, even indirectly, people will likely be very defensive. Firstly because no one wants to believe someone would lie about something so serious. Also people are embarrassed to have potentially been taken in.

There's also the risk that she is not lying. Even serial liars can get sick. I assume you have more inconsistencies than the fertility one.

Acruelly these are just rl trolls aren't they? With much the same motivation

*Blue Smarties
*
The 'pregnancy' ended within the last 6 weeks so I'm not sure what's happening now. The woman was fit enough the day after losing the baby to come into the office and explain calmly that she was no longer pregnant.

We saw it coming many weeks ago and nothing added up. As far as I know she is now being investigated as she is refusing to say where she was treated or give any information.

stealth I did. I asked her how come she'd ended up in Florida. Used the old , " I must be confused I thought you'd said you were going to NYC but maybe I've got you mixed up with someone else" thing.

I hadn't got her mixed up. She told me she was going to go to NYC. But her doctor in the us told her that her treatment would work better if she had some sunshine recovery. So he moved to Florida.

Still don't believe it. No idea what the condition is. but it's not my place to challenge. I just "oh that's a shame there there" as and when required.

My mil had munchausens

She did think she had a cancer, the difference is that she had all the symptoms, she didn't fake treatment. She had bowel cancer (obviously she didnt) and had every symptom, massive rapid weight loss despite eating, diarrhoea (always flushed) etc etc etc
When she had illnesses, she didnt fake the treatment ever.
it was all about the symptoms and the diagnostic process and the whole wanting "i told you I was dying" on her gravestone kind of scenario
I don't know many people who have 1st hand experience of this like we do, but I think what your colleague has is more about attention seeking

Ugh.
I shared a house with a pathological liar. It was tough.
She'd make elaborate meals as a date would be coming over. We'd be kicked out for the evening, come home to find her weeping on the sofa distraught at being stood up. Every time. I had a dissertation to write once and refused to leave stating I was staying in my room. Huge screaming fit until 1am where every ten minutes she'd crash into my room crying that he wouldn't come if there were people there.

She would borrow money for a while and never pay it back

She also had cancer apparently. Her greatest dream was to join the army. She told us she was and the day before she was going, BAM. Oh no. Cancer. Again.
She moved out and left a lot of unpaid bills. She told me she was in hospital with cancer and couldn't deal with this. Then her mum sent a letter via solicitor for harassing her. I providing evidence of bills. The next letter I got told me she had paid and to leave her alone. She hadn't paid. And I had left her well alone.

I wonder if she's still up to her same old tricks sometimes.

And I thought that my DH was one of just a very small number who did this!
In a way it is good to see that so many others do similar things...

DH told me that he had lung cancer - he had a long history of lies and I immediately felt that this was another due to the facts not adding up.

The consultant was not an oncologist, the drug was given incorrectly (wrong timescale and way of administering), no medication at home, no time off work, no outward illness - including no cough, carried on exactly as before he told me.

15 months on he is still occasionally tells selected friends he has cancer.

I would stay out of it.... Unless you are her boss and she's taking time off on your pay?

As If you did confront her in any way, and she was genuinely ill, that would be difficult to get back from!

People that exaggerate/outright tell porkies will often trip themselves up! For it to be successful

In the early 1990s I suffered with (MSBP). It is not something I am proud of, but I was ill. I won't go into the details of the reasons I believe caused it but I will say, I knew I was lying. I knew I was hurting people. I couldn't stop myself though. I lied about some truly awful things. It was only when my dad really did die that I realised I neeeded help. By that point, I knew people stopped believing me. How could I tell people my dad was dead when they thought he had already died?

I used to work with someone like this. I gave her a wide berth in the end and tried to avoid talking with her about anything.
I felt like I was being treated like I was stupid and didn't want to be taken for a mug any longer.

nearlyhadenough, have you posted about him before? There was a thread a while back from someone who suspected her hubby who had form for lying, had lied about cancer and I wondered if she had ever confronted him.

Bear in mind also that medical misdiagnosis, working diagnosis, and "we are not actually sure what is wrong with you but it might be X" are pretty common.