To think DSS may be telling more porkies?

[ThingsToDoWithTheKidsInKent]

I'll keep this as brief as poss

My DHs son is 15. Since knowing him from around 11 he's been a bit of a fibber and fantasist. He tells wildly untrue stories and essentially lies just about everything. He's also quite maipulative, and uses his fibs to get his own way. I make him sound like a monster. He's not, he's actually a lovely polite timid boy, apart from this issue. We just put it down to him being a kid and using separated parents to his advantage, and hoped he'd grow of it.

But now we've just discovered he's no longer attending school and will be privately tutored at home, for free (his mum's on benefits). When asked why he said because he was depressed and had attempted to cut himself because school won't "let him be who he wants to be". When I asked what he meant by that, he said its because school "keep getting on at him" for not sticking to the uniform and personal appearance policy and keep disciplining him for his piercings and his long hair that he regularly dyes bright colours.

Now, I find this hard to believe. Not that he's depressed, I believe that. He's become even more withdrawn and shuts himself away in his room overy the lastronomical few months. But again we put that down to puberty/hormones/teen angst. But for a school to say "ok, you can have private tutoring so you can wear your piercings and have your hair how your want it"... is that really a done thing these days? Surely all teens would be getting private tutoring if they all complained they were depressed because they don't like uniform rules?!

I feel there's more to this that my DH isn't being told. Because as well as DSS being a fiber, so is his mother. And sometimes they lie as a pact to hide things from DH.

What do you think? DH seems to have swallowed all this, but I don't buy it. I haven't said anything, but I don't think it's fair that DH is constantly lied to and kept in the dark about things concerning his son.

Constructive response - bitchy too

I agree sorrel
Bitter exes can be extremely controlling with their kids in their attempts to control the other parent

It's so boring, this refrain of 'step mother bashing'.

It seems to me that whenever anyone who happens to be a SM gets criticism or dissent they start crying 'step mother haterz!'.

Guess what, most of us on MN are fairly intelligent and we don't see all stepmothers as one homogenous lump. We understand they are individual people in individual situations so do stop that crap Emmalouise.

Step parent bashing is rife on MN but thanks for reassuring me of your intelligence, really huge weight off my shoulders
There's giving constructive criticism then there's telling someone they are wrong or to blame. Which unless they are actually asking are they at fault is a moot point!

"Which unless they are actually asking are they at fault is a moot point!"

Emma which part of Am I Being Unreasonable don't you understand?

There's being unreasonable and being told they actually ARE the problem i worded it wrong. Clearly the issue is the OP DSD and the horrid miscommunication with the ex wife. She is NOT the problem

DSS stupid autocorrect

yorkshapudding Well in our local authority and the surrounding 3 , each has a PRU for students who are deemed vulnerable- aside from provision for those permanently excluded. They are students who are school refusers, suffer mental health ussues, have had bereavements which have resulted in them not coping etc.

your dss' life sounds pretty stressful with the crowded flat and his aggressive/abusive grandad. His depression might be a consequence of this. I think your dh needs to speak to the school and find out what's going on. It can't be much worse as his ex tells him nothing already.