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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not find time to bath my children?

627 replies

Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 09:22

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

OP posts:
UnGoogleable · 09/01/2016 10:24

I have 2 DNs - I LOVE it when they have a bath while I'm visiting. My DSis can go and do other things while I watch them play foam beards and mohicans in the bath Grin

If your relatives are that close that they pop around on a weekly basis, I'm sure they don't expect to be waited on hand and foot - they'll probably enjoy participating in bath time with the kids.

MamaLazarou · 09/01/2016 10:25

Yes, we only had weekly baths in the Seventies but had a strip wash every night.

wonkylampshade · 09/01/2016 10:27

They don't need a bath every day if they haven't wet themselves op.

I gave my oldest a dry skin condition by bathing get every day as a baby. She's 8 now, and baths three times a week. She doesn't smell, and is perfectly clean. I stick my one year old in beside her for five minutes, so she's also bathed three times a week.

I'm wondering if you can somehow reorganise the other things you have to do to make it easier for you to have the evening routine you seem to want. Could you invest in a slow cooker so you can stick a meal in it first thing, and cut down on time spent cooking in the evenings? If you got a big one, you could batch cook and freeze half of what you make as well.

I agree with pps who have said you need to carry on with things even if you end up with unexpected guests - or alternatively just say 'I'm really sorry, the kids are knackered and I'm just about to put them in the bath before getting them to bed. Any chance you could pop round tomorrow/next week sometime instead?'.

I do empathise as I find it demoralising and tiring, the endless grind of housework - repetitive jobs and limited gains! I try and be ruthless about not building up clutter in the house so I'm not dealing with a constant wave of stuff, and I try and be structured about washing which is a nightmare otherwise. The children's hygiene really can't fall into this category of jobs that can be put off or ignored though. If things are too much for you (and I can see how this is the case), you need to address what's taking up your time/tiring you out so your children aren't suffering as a result. I would consider not washing a child who had been sitting in urine all day pretty neglectful in all honesty.

I think here are ways you can address this, but you need to be organised about it at the outset.

Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 10:29

Thank you for the helpful advice. I have a plan now and feel much happier. I am trying my best hence why I asked on here. I have no idea how to do many of the simple things in life which was fine until my oldest started school as I had all day to get things done. Now I don't and I'm really struggling to fit everything in. I don't know how the other mums at the school manage lots of play dates etc. I think I need to accept my own limitations. And go back to basics. Thank you for all the helpful advice. I am going to leave the thread now as I have a rare Saturday at home with my dds so am going to start putting my new plans into action. First stop baths then house tidy up then go through my diary to block out days for essentials. And on busy days do the quick shallow bath. I want to teach my dds a good routine so they do not grow up like me. I remember being the greasy haired pre teen who got bullied. I don't want to be anything like my parents but see that it is hard and sometimes I have noticed acting like my parents and then have to work hard to be different. Thank you for all the advice.

OP posts:
BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 09/01/2016 10:30

Re how to be organised what about a family diary or notebook for lists that can be on your kitchen worktop/dining table/coffee table open at all times? I'm one of those people that works well with a list so items can be physically crossed out meaning I can see what I'm doing. Don't pressure yourself to get everything done in one day you'll just feel miserable when you don't accomplish it all. Instead have 2 or 3 things each day Monday-Friday. It is hard especially when you OH works long hours. My DH is self employed & works long hours too (although slightly shorter atm due to light). He's working almost every Saturday until mid March as well.

wonkylampshade · 09/01/2016 10:30

Good for you op, hope you have a lovely day Flowers

steppemum · 09/01/2016 10:30

OP - when I was growing up, lots of families only bathed once a week it was more normal then.

You certainly don't need to bath them every night, especially if they have eczema.
You don't need to hair wash multiple times per week. Once per week if absolutely fine.
Get a few flannels, and when you dd has wet knickers make sure she gets a good wipe down with a clean flannel. This will keep her clean and smell free.

You do need to prioritise their cleanliness over relatives etc.

RudeElf · 09/01/2016 10:30

When you get your DC dressed for school in the morning, do it in the bathroom. Except when they take jammies off plonk them in the shower together, hose them, lather them and rinse then. It wouldnt take more than 60 seconds. Have their clothes and towels in the bathroom the night before. You really do have time. This isnt a time issue, its a priority issue. You dont bath them because you'd rather be doing other things. That isnt ok. Not when a child is sitting with urine on her skin for up to a week.

SmaDizietSma · 09/01/2016 10:30

As a child we all bathed once a week on Sundays. I shower at least daily and feel better for it. When he was a baby, DS bathed nightly as part of our routine. He bathes twice a week and showers in between (not daily). Now he's getting a bit older, I'm going to start with daily showers, he can do it himself.

It gets easier. I find showers easier than shallow baths.

Jesabel · 09/01/2016 10:31

OP, definitely prioritise washing over socialising rather than over sleep!

I guess I have children the same age as yours (toddler and Yr1) and we do max one play date a week, home after tea by 5.30pm. Also 2 clubs a week, again home by 5.30pm.

Our evening routine is tea between 5 and 6 (depending on clubs, playdates etc). 6-6.30pm is bath, into pjs, milk if they want it. I get toddler into bed by 7pm and then have 30 minutes to do school reading book, read a bedtime story to 5 year old and they are in bed by 7.30pm.

I don't wash their hair every night though and only do a proper shampoo once a week.

I would either say no to friends/relatives visiting during the week evenings (that sounds very stressful!) or just carry on with the usual evening routine while they are there.

caker · 09/01/2016 10:31

I bath DD every day in a laundry basket/flexitub thing inside the bath, as our taps run so slowly it tales forever to run even a shallow bath. She has enough space to sit cross legged and play with cups etc, it's fine. I clean the bathroom while she plays. Could that be an option to speed things up?

SisterViktorine · 09/01/2016 10:32

Another one in the every night camp here. I also do 2 inches of water in the bath- can have it done in less than 5 minutes.

DS (5) would reek after a couple of days with no wash.

If you don't want your DDs hair wet every night OP could you get an awesome 80s style shower cap to put it in while you give her a good scrub all over?

3littlefrogs · 09/01/2016 10:33

Relatives who pop round should be prepared to help. If they have come to see the Dc, ask them to do something like reading or a game with the older one while you bath the little one, then swap over. That way, they will have one child to entertain.

It really does only take 10 minutes to wash and dry a child.

Long hair should be plaited and put in a turban or bath hat.
It only needs washing once a week, and can dry naturally if you do it when you are not going out of the house afterwards.

3 play dates or clubs a week is enough.

Take back control of your life OP.

Badders123 · 09/01/2016 10:34

Well...showers are quicker if you have one! :)
Also....dry shampoo. What a godsend!
Like other posters, my eldest son has excema and I actually made it worse when he was little by bathing him everyday :(
My youngest is 7 and has a shower 3 times a week.
My eldest is nearly 13 and going through puberty and frankly a bit smelly :) so I am trying to instigate daily showering for him (with mixed results!)
Baths are for the weekend when everyone had time and can relax.
As long as the children have fresh clothes each day, wash their face and brush their teeth, it's fine.
Honestly.
I say this as a 70s child who had a bath and hair wash on Sunday night and a "stand up wash" at the sink every morning! :)

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/01/2016 10:34

Ah yes MamaLazarou, the good old strip wash! If we've been out all day and get home after bedtime, we wash ds's face, hands, bum 'n' bits! Takes 2 mins.

MrsJayy · 09/01/2016 10:34

Och i hope your plans go well a small change will make a huge difference Flowers

Leelu6 · 09/01/2016 10:35

Bathing every day is unnecessary as long as kids are getting a wash every day (face, neck, hands, private areas).

'The American Academy of Dermatology recommends that children aged 6 to 11 should bathe at least once or twice a week, or after they have been playing in dirt or mud, have been swimming, etc'.

I think I prefer to believe dermatologists rather than the mnetters insisting that 'they know a lot of people' who bathe their kids nightly. 'A lot of people' are not always right.

HermioneWeasley · 09/01/2016 10:36

OP, do you have a bossy, organised friend you could turn to for advice?

Someone who wouldn't judge you and would be happy to help - come and shadow you at home and suggest some changes and a routine you can stick to?

Sunbeam1112 · 09/01/2016 10:36

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Psychmumma · 09/01/2016 10:36

Good luck OP, sounds like a great plan for you!

dementedpixie · 09/01/2016 10:37

Our hot water is on for an hour or so morning and evening and that gives enough water for a bath, dishwashing, etc. I tend to be the only one using the bath as I use it for shaving my legs/pits on a Sunday. The kids use the shower mostly as it's faster and it heats its own water. Their wash days are Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.

Badders123 · 09/01/2016 10:37

....my mum and dad used to bathe my children if they came round at bath time....could you ask yours to do the same?
I agree if your child is wetting regularly she will need a wash each night or fish getting sore, sorry didn't see that bit!

ManneryTowers · 09/01/2016 10:38

OP enjoy your sacred alone time! I admire you for being so honest and so proactive in trying to change.

HermioneWeasley · 09/01/2016 10:38

sunbeam RTFT please - she isn't finding time to wash every day, and she's never had a clean, organised home role modelled as her mother had depression. She's come here for help (and got it) not a kicking from some sanctimonious bosom hoiker.

PlaymobilPirate · 09/01/2016 10:38

Op - i think that it can be hard to understand that people don't automatically do this stuff if you've been brought up being clean etc. I think you've been really brave to ask.

I'm shit at being organised for different reasons - my mam did literally everything for us at home and I didn't know how to do simple things like put the washer on. I asked on here for advice and it really helped!

Is there other stuff you need help / advice with? Please don't think I'm being patronising, I get it that some of us don't 'just know'