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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not find time to bath my children?

627 replies

Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 09:22

Ok they do get a bath on a Sunday morning with bubbles and a hair wash, like I did as a child. The house also gets cleaned on a Sunday. But then life takes over.

Weekdays after school are a combination of clubs (2 a week) friends over, relatives popping round to see the kids, by the time we have had dinner I think oh my god the kids need to go to bed or it will be too late for them! (They currently sleep 8-7 and I have to wake them on a school day they are two and six) the toddler smells a bit cheesy by about Tuesday, the older one could do with another bath as she sometimes wees her pants at school and then sits in them :( my house turns into a tip in the week too as I always get invited to see a relative/go to a toddler group etc and then when toddler naps I flake out in exhaustion as I have an on going sinus infection and toddler wakes me a couple of times a night.

I really want to have a nice clean home, nice clean kids, be in a nice relaxed routine but life just seems to get in the way and make everything rushed.

I'm sure most people are hectic in the week and those that are not how do you do it? Should I be refusing play dates etc? Ignore relatives when they come round and bath the kids instead? Just tell people I'm busy but risk loosing friends??

Help!!

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 09/01/2016 21:32

DD (5) gets one bath a week (weekend) and showers after swimming on a weds. Hair washed during both. Baths and showers wake her up, and she's not up early enough for a shower during the week. A quick flannel wash on the days in between is plenty.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/01/2016 21:33

That is not acceptable at all. primary schopl children should he able to to the toilet when they need it!!

UTIs are really common when kids hit secondary because of the toilet restrictions :(

I'd have a word with the teachers it's not good for her to hold it or to have to sit in dirty pants Angry

poor thing

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/01/2016 21:33

^"For those with the hot water questions: in't olden days before central heating folk had immersion heaters. No hot water on demand. You switch it in before you need hot water, it heats up then you use it. If you kept it switched on it'd cost a fortune as it'd be constantly heating up as it cooled.
My sister has one as her house only has electric wall heaters, some flats and lots of old ppl have them. My elderly neighbours used to only have electric, no gas supply. They had wall heaters and immersion heater. They'd live their 80 years and never gotten gas connection."^

GiantYorkie - this was how I grew up. Dsis and I had to share our bath water, and so did mum and dad - and we had baths on Sunday and Wednesday (and clean school shirts on Monday and Thursday). Even when I hit my teens, and started getting BO and greasy hair, I just got 2 baths a week, and mum didn't even buy me anti-perspirant.

I know I smelt, and had horrible, lank, greasy hair - it was one of the things that helped make my school days pure misery - and it may have co tributes to me being bullied too.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/01/2016 21:39

I can bath a 3 year old, a 1 year old and a new born on my own in 20 minutes if needs be. It only takes ages,if they are very dirty due to not being bathed often.

My DH is a dentist and often refers kids for numerous extractions as they have a mouth full of gob rot due to parents doing "fun things" rather than cleaning their bloody teeth! And it's all crocodile tears then from the parents....

Most children like being clean and like a bath - you can get bath toys or even read to them in the bath of you're worried about it not being fun, peridot

GiantYorkiePud · 09/01/2016 21:41

SDTgis
This is how I grew up but didn't experience those issues. Baths twice weekly & shared bath water was the worst. Washes in between. I have really dry hair so had opposite issue! TBH most were in similar situations.

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 21:44

peridot
My Dc had a bath every night ,it was simply part of their routine.
They loved it and so did I.
No need to be so sneery Smile

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 21:53

I should add that if you do it every night it goes like clockwork, run bath, DC in ,wash, play, out and dried.
15 minutes and no tidal waves Grin

PeridotPassion · 09/01/2016 21:53

Gobbolin

But if you're bathing 3 dc in 20 minutes then you're doing it to clean them - they're not messing about and having time to play when they're being dunked in and out are they? Hmm And most young children (excepting maybe bedwetters) do NOT need a full scrub from head to toe every single day. They just don't. Why wash them for the sake of it?

My dc love a bath. I have no concerns over it not being fun. When they bath, they're in for well over an hour, playing.

Also this:
My DH is a dentist and often refers kids for numerous extractions as they have a mouth full of gob rot due to parents doing "fun things" rather than cleaning their bloody teeth! And it's all crocodile tears then from the parents

Don't really see how that's at all relevant except to infer that i'm a rotten stinky scumbag and that dc bathing once a week automatically = 'a mouth full of gob rot' Hmm. My kids have beautiful teeth, which is completely unrelated to how often I choose to bath them.

There's really no need to try and convince me that a daily bath is desirable, essential or something to aim for. I don't bath my dc once a week because i'm struggling, or disengaged or time-strapped or neglectful. I just don't view a daily bath as important. I view once every 5-6 days ish as absolutely plenty for my aged dc.

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 22:00

Well that's a shame for your DC- mine loved their bath.
Every 5-6 days is just grim tbh.

Original poster
Poppybella2015 · 09/01/2016 22:06

I just wanted to thank the lovely ladies who have helped me. I'm off to bed now, onwards and upwards for tomorrow thanks to you! I'm going to leave the thread now as I can see I am just going to get responses still coming from people who haven't bothered to read the thread and just want to shout abuse at me! I don't want to waste my time reading that when I could be spending time with my kids. It was time well spent on here this morning and this evening though as I have had some excellent help Flowers

OP posts:
ovenchips · 09/01/2016 22:08

Flowers Good idea OP. Best of luck with it all.

PeridotPassion · 09/01/2016 22:08

Why on Earth would it be a shame?

I really don't get it tbh. At all. From a cleanliness pov, I disagree that once every 5 days is 'grim'. It's plenty IMO. Each to their own and all that.

From an enjoyment pov...I don't see what my dc are possibly missing that would make it 'a shame' in being dunked in and out of the bath in 15 minutes flat every night?!

My dc would hate that. When they bath, they do so at a time that they can stay in for as long as they choose and play.

StitchesInTime · 09/01/2016 22:11

My DC always smelt a bit funny - not in a way I liked - after a day at nursery. So even if they seemed otherwise clean, they'd get washed from head to toe so that they smelt "normal" again.

Plus, it's part of their routine now. If you try putting them to bed without a bath first, say if we've been out somewhere and got home really late, they complain about wanting a bath first. Despite it normally being a quick dip in and out during the week.

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 22:11

Good luck OP xx

StitchesInTime · 09/01/2016 22:13

Good luck with everything OP.

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 22:15

its nice,a part of their routine and they look forward to it.
They get to relax in the warm water and play for 10-15 minutes and then get dressed in clean pjs.
Mine loved their bath and I have some lovely memories now they re getting older.
Not sure how you can find a negative in that but go on !

Lilylonglegs · 09/01/2016 22:24

My daughter is 18 months and she gets a bath every night at 6pm. Make is part of your routine. Sometimes I am running late and then I'll just do it in the morning. A week is too long for a child not to be bathed unless there is a medical issue, especially an active child in school! I'm surprised no teacher has pulled you up if you say your older one sometimes wets themselves and then you still don't bath them?

PeridotPassion · 09/01/2016 22:25

its nice,a part of their routine and they look forward to it

Not sure how you can find a negative in that but go on !

I can't find a negative. If it works for you, great. But from an enjoyment pov (because clearly we disagree on the cleanliness aspect!) it's not my cup of tea, and a 15 minute bath wouldn't be my dc's idea of fun either.

I take exception to that being apparently 'a shame' for my dc. It's really, really not.

My dc go to a dance class...it's great for them, they love it. If I said to you, 'Oh it's a shame you don't take your kids to dance', how ridiculous would that be? You may do all manner of other things with your dc, and them not doing one regular activity that mine do doesn't make it 'a shame' for them!

Squishyeyeballs · 09/01/2016 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/01/2016 22:34

Have skim read the thread and pleased to see you did not get battered

I think you hit the nail on the head what you said about your mother

Btw I did a stand nude - on mat- sink and hot flannel for both mine tonight - one flannel per child and they and far fresher and took no longer than 4 mins each

Good luck Flowers

nicestrongtea · 09/01/2016 22:36

Well we will have to disagree.
My DC were never put to bed without a bath, it was their nightly routine and very enjoyable.
Its odd ,just getting undressed and putting on clean nightclothes without a bath- I never done this either.
We all bath/shower before dressing/changing clothes.
Not sure how you can compare a leisure activity with basic hygiene and childcare.
I gather our ideas about cleanliness are far apart !

regularbutpanickingabit · 09/01/2016 22:51

Just wanted to add about cooking - there is no way you can just 'know' how to cook! Your mum has really done you a disservice in so many ways and your confidence must be at rock-bottom.

Ok, Delia Smith is a brilliant person to turn to for the basics. If you can get her conplete cookery book then it will really help. Jamie Oliver also has a great starter book that has more pictures but delia is still my go-to if I feel clueless.

For example, lots of people have mentioned just throwing in a roast chicken or throwing together a meat sauce etc. If you have never been taught to cook then that might as well be a 23 stage recipe written purely in French! A great starter cookbook will talk you through the different types of meat to roast, how to (quickly) prep them, what utensils to use, what temp the oven needs to be on and how long to cook. Same with veggies. Same with scrambling an egg or a basic pasta sauce. Honestly, find a good starter book and work your way through and you will feel so much more confident and less overwhelmed by lovely sounding recipes that rely on you having experience.

Not all my children can be bathers every day because of skin issues but they are always clean. A wipe down at the sink with a flannel and a good hand/face/feet/bum freshen-up is fine.

You sound an amazing mum who has been finding her way in the dark.nignore the haters, you have had some fabulous advice on this thread and I hope your confidence rises soon.

BrianCoxReborn · 09/01/2016 22:57

My 2.8 yo only has 1-2 baths a week.

He's clean and doesn't smell.

I don't see the need, currently, to bathe him nightly.

Through last summer, however, he did have a bath every night because he'd played out non-stop and was the colour of mud!

Not bathing your child nightly does not make you a bad mother.

Sneering at other mothers who chose to bathe their DC less frequently than you do, makes you a bit try-hard. There's plenty I do that I could out-smug other parents with in other areas, but i don't, because I'm not interested in what other people chose to do, as long as their children are being cared for.

BrianCoxReborn · 09/01/2016 22:59

Just to add. I didn't know how to cook when I had my DC1.

My dad bought me an Annabel Karmel book which was brilliant. Exactly my level (which is probably why she's not liked on MN, if other people are more able in the kitchen) and taught me the basics - meat sauce, white sauce, baking.

PeridotPassion · 09/01/2016 23:02

Not sure how you can compare a leisure activity with basic hygiene and childcare

I'm not sure how you can consider a daily bath for very young dc as 'basic hygiene' myself. It's not and dc do not need a bath every day.

If they have one every day for enjoyment then great and each to their own. But it's not necessary and those of us who don't bath their dc daily still actually have clean and presentable kids (believe it or not).

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