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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AiBU to be upset and want to talk to the head

97 replies

giantpurplepeopleeater · 07/01/2016 16:35

School let my 5yr old DS go home woth another parent from school today, without my permission and without checking with me. He should have been at a pre-arranges after school club, but it seema they didn't check that either.

AIBU to be upset and think this flies in the face of safeguarding policies and want to talk to the head about it?

OP posts:

LalaLyra · 07/01/2016 20:42

I don't think the friend is massively in the wrong here. Yes, she didn't think, but then she is not the professional with the duty of care to the child.

The school has a duty not to assume that someone is just running late like a parent would. Doing a favour for a friend is something many people wouldn't think twice about, friends haven't normally been through the oodles of (sometimes seemingly never ending) CP training that school staff have.

I think a call to Ofsted without speaking to the HT would be OTT. If the Head acts appropriately and it is a wake up call to the staff involved and things are set up properly then that's all that is needed. Ofsted inspections bring a shit-load of stress to a school and, imo, they massively disrupt the learning of the children for the time they are in. If the HT doesn't take it seriously then yes, calling them is appropriate, but if they take the chance to ensure it doesn't happen again then there's no need.

Kitsandkids · 07/01/2016 21:05

Yes, the school should have known who was on the list for the club and should have made sure he was sent to the club, but they handed him to an adult who they know is a friend of yours (whose child you have collected before) and whose child is friends with yours. They didn't let him go off with a stranger. Then, as soon as it was realised that your son should be at the club they rang your friend and she took him back there. I personally can't see that any massive problem occurred. Yes, by all means tell the teacher that your child is not to go with anyone but you, but the teacher gave him to someone she knows you are friends with.

If I was running late I would be perfectly happy for one of the school mums I'm friendly with to take my children until I could collect them. I know you weren't running late but school thought you were (which was an error I know and I'm sure they'll make sure it doesn't happen again.)

I pick up another child often from my children's school and even on days when the dad has said he will collect the child, and I have told school that, if dad isn't there the school is perfectly happy for me to take the child and wait at the gate so as not to hold the teachers up. Different situation yes, but I'm glad the school don't ask for permission every day as they know I'm friends with the other parents and that the child will be safe with me, which I expect was the case with your child's teacher.

I do understand why you're upset, but I tthink that, though the school made errors, no real harm was done.

thebestfurchinchilla · 07/01/2016 21:18

YANBU

LuluJakey1 · 07/01/2016 22:28

Even if your friend offered, the teacher is at fault. She should have said 'Thanks for offering but we are not allowed to do that under safe-guarding rules. I will just take xxxx back into school and we will try and ring his parents'. There is no other answer.

It is that split second lack of good judgement that us the critical error here- none of the rest matters.

teatowel · 07/01/2016 22:35

It was a mistake that shouldn't have happened but why would people be furious, livid etc etc. The teacher handed him to a parent she knew and was a friend of the family. He wasn't abandoned in the playground. It's only been a few years since that would have been a normal occurrence and not that many more since children took themselves to the gate.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 07/01/2016 22:59

Like you Kits when my DC were in infant school (they're Year 8 and Year 11 now) we would regularly pick up each others DC after school either for play dates or if one of us was running late. The teachers knew the DC well, knew who was friends with who and used common sense. It was impossible to phone school to say you were running late as there would be nobody in the office at that time. No after school clubs either though so the alternative was DC standing in the playground with the teacher!

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 07/01/2016 23:06

My little boy is starting school in September. Your thread has made me feel sick.

I'd raise merry hell with the school.

And threaten to bring it to attention of the governors!

You've every right to be livid!

Flyonthewindscreen · 07/01/2016 23:17

All this talk of being 'livid' and lack of safeguarding sounds a bit hysterical to me. Child collected by safe known adult who returned child to after school club after being informed child was expected there. Not an issue for OFSTED.

Permanentlyexhausted · 07/01/2016 23:48

I'll start by saying I haven't read the whole thread.

OP: Go and speak to the school calmly and say that you're concerned this happened. Speak to your friend too. Although she was trying to be helpful, it would have been better to have called you rather than take him home.

I agree with teatowel and kamer above - this situation doesn't warrant the hysteria that some posters seem to think it does.

I know your DS is only 5 but the best thing you can do in terms of safeguarding your child is to make sure they know where they should be or who they should be going home with. We should be teaching our children to sfaeguard themselves from as early as possible (not a criticism of you, OP).

BitOutOfPractice · 08/01/2016 07:22

I agree kamer. All this talk of ofsted and feeling sick and livid is totally ott.

Peppapigallowsmetoshower · 08/01/2016 07:35

IMO - Calling OFSTED is OTT. A single teacher who has made a single mistake hardly merits the whole school deserving a 5 point inspection (whatever that is...I'm not in England and assume you are?)

I'd speak to the head, find out what their procedures and policies are, see what will be done to ensure it doesn't happen again to your child or any other. If it happens again or if you aren't satisfied with the response you get then yes absolutely take it forward but give the head a chance to do their job.

Peppapigallowsmetoshower · 08/01/2016 07:38

Sorry, didn't answer OP directly - YANBU to be upset and yes it is very reasonable that you talk to the head

Prettyinblue · 08/01/2016 07:40

Not an OFSTED issue unless the school fails to respond appropriately. I feel sorry for your friend she was just trying to help out.

neepsandtatties · 08/01/2016 07:49

Our school always lets children go home after school/after club with other parents - don't think I've ever notified the teacher beyond Reception. Quite often at lunch one of us will say 'Do you want me to pick up DD after club tonight' so neither the child, nor the school are informed.

That's pretty crap, isn't it.

GloriaSmellens · 08/01/2016 09:24

Yes the teacher was wrong in this case, but some.of the responses here are a bit hysterical. The teacher didn't hand the child over to someone who 'could have been anyone' it was the parent of another child in the class. The child wasn't left on the playground alone or sent off with someone the teacher had never met before and had no idea of their identity.

Yes, it was a cock up, but talk of being livid, feeling sick, and section 5 ofsted inspections is a bit OTT.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 08/01/2016 09:33

My DC attended a small village school where everyone including the teachers, were basically neighbours and mates.

But this would never happen! If a parent was late...it was common for another to offer to take them but AFTER calls were made!

RB68 · 08/01/2016 10:02

Confusion does occur, but teacher shouldn't have relied on the "oh she is prob running late" that is inexperience showing. In our school where this happens the child is temporarily popped into after school until parent can be contacted. If parent had your number they should have tried to contact you straight away and things could have been confirmed. I always try and make it extremely clear to my DD what she is up to that day - so don't forget after school today or some such. But they are not to be relied on.

Having said that it was a low risk error.If the parent and child that took your child were known to teacher and knew boys were friends etc

Original poster

giantpurplepeopleeater · 08/01/2016 10:36

Thanks all.

DS has only been at school since mid-sept, so while I accept that he was let home with another parent, not a stranger, they have only known us parents a few weeks and aren't really in a position to judge if this was appropriate.

Have spoken to the head. She was apologetic and assured me that this does go against their safeguarding policies and should never have happened.

She has suggested/ agreed to a few actions to avoid it happening in future, with any child not just DS. She also agreed that she would write to me confirming what action had been taken.

I'm a bit that she appeared to be a bit miffed and huffy that her one line apology wasn't sufficient for me. But I made my points calmly and clearly and the ball is in her court now.

Have read up on the complaints procedure so will write to the governors if she hasn't got back in touch in a couple of weeks and I'm not happy with how she handled it.

Thanks to all who posted.

OP posts:

bingandflop · 08/01/2016 11:16

Bloody hell my jaw hit the floor reading your OP. I'd be fucking fuming and definitely speak to the head! Atrocious safeguarding! Lord above

kissmethere · 08/01/2016 11:32

Yanbu that is terrible! Definitely complain. Appalling organisation.

OurBlanche · 08/01/2016 11:36

Good outcome

I suppose she was a bit mifed that you didn't take initial apology as the end of the matter, she is a HT after all

I hope she does as she said, it would be ridiculous to let this escalate!

LuluJakey1 · 08/01/2016 18:53

Well done but do follow it up if she doesn't. Her first responsibility, above and beyond everything else, is to safeguard the children in her care. She has no right to be touchy and huffy if she or the staff she leads get it wrong. It is her responsibility to train her staff and monitor what they do. She was lucky this time that there was no serious outcome. She should have been grateful that you were discussing it with her so she could address it.

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