AiBU to be upset and want to talk to the head

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

School let my 5yr old DS go home woth another parent from school today, without my permission and without checking with me. He should have been at a pre-arranges after school club, but it seema they didn't check that either.

AIBU to be upset and think this flies in the face of safeguarding policies and want to talk to the head about it?

Cross posted. Your last update answered much of what I asked.

Broach it with the class teacher and the head teacher tomorrow morning. Ask the secretary who raised the alarm to give her version of events too. It all sounds a bit left hand/right hand sort of thing to me, but they need to be much more together than that where the safety of the youngest children is concerned.

Not sure if you saw my post giant... this happened to my 6 year old in December 2015.

Head spoke to teacher and TA very seriously and updated their policy to ensure no children listed for clubs are ever taken out the front to meet parents.

The head should
a) apologise profusely
b) explain that all teachers/TAs are/have been firmly reminded of the school policy that no child is to go home with anyone other than parent without permission from that parent.
(Or that policy is being immediately updated to that effect)

Thanks Oracle. It appears from my bried conversation with the secretary that no list was provided to the teachers for this club, and only provides to the office last minute. Apparently the children were askes who was going to club and my DS replied no. Which is hardly surprising as he is 5 and prone to forgetting.

No op, Yanbu. What happened was very, very poor and is a massive no no in terms of safeguarding. I teach this age group and we'd never let s child go home with a different parent unless we'd been informed by that child's parent themselves. If a parent was late I'd call them abs may say "Emma's mum has offered to drop your Dd off" and they may or may not agree to it but I'd never just let them go!!!!

First you reholster your guns.

You can't demand that they update their safeguarding policy, because it is almost guaranteed they have one that, on paper, is a good one. However, both the TA and the teacher missed something - maybe the receptionist who noticed forgot to publish something. The HT will find out and make sure it doesn't happen again.

You can expect to get an apology and a reassurance that all staff will be reminded to check whatever it was that wasn't checked. I doubt heads will roll, but they may all get an extra INSET session

I would have thought they would have lists of what the arrangements are for each child at that age, particularly those who are not being picked up by a parent immediately.

Occasionally when mine were that age I would bring other friends' children home as a favour and occasionally I also needed the same favour, but it was always by prior arrangement and the parent would have told the school what was agreed. Never on an ad hoc basis like that.

Seen your last update.

Their policies need to be far more robust.

I would feel justified in asking why they are taking the word of a bunch of 5 year olds as gospel. At that age they won't grasp this sort of thing, and many might just say the firs thing that came into their heads.

Oh my god, I am so calm and non-confrontational but I would be LIVID, and so upset.

I hope your meeting with the head gives you the reassurance you need. I think I would need to know the teacher/TA who let him go was seriously spoken to, and that their (written) policy was made absolutely watertight with proper consequences for any staff not following it to the letter. And that the head appreciated how serious this was and was very apologetic.

As for what you want from the meeting, I would want to know exactly what the loophole was that allowed this to happen and what steps they are going to take to close that loophole. And then maybe a follow up in a few weeks that demonstrates they've taken those steps.

I would be speaking to the head and also writing to the Chair of Governors to make them aware of the incident.

That is a terrible system and anyone with an inch of common sense can see how it can be logically changed with minimal effort.

Every single school I have ever been involved in has a small white board in the classroom, near the door. Somewhere near this there is also a weekly club list with the children's names, which are highlighted for that class. The board is to write that days amendments - child x is going as a one off, child y isn't going, a,b and c are being collected by e,f and g.

It's simple and easy to maintain. Schools are busy places, with last minute changes. But a simple thing stops mistakes from happening.

Yes I would be seeing the headteacher.
I would be asking what they are going to do to ensure that mistakes like this don't happen again. Imagine if the secretary was off sick, no one would have realised. That is beyond bad and they need to review their policy on this.

it was the same with us giant... very good school , very clear on safeguarding, but all it takes is for one person not to follow in (as in our case) or a list to not be provided and mistakes can happen...

Problem is as I talked to our head about, its not teh same as forgetting to deliver a parcel, or fix a washing machine, we are talking about very little children. I thought you meant your DS was in YEAR 5, not 5 years OLD!

So even worse in this case. They should have taken all children whos parents werent there at collection to the office to check against the register. It s not acceptable that "the list was late!" How the feck are 5 years old meant to know this stuff.... My DD is 6 and struggles to remember what she had for lunch, let alone who she is going home with / which clubs are on each date.

If the head is blase, then you really need to kick off with govenors IMO. That is what I planned to do but our Head was very very concerned and apologetic. He said I was right to be very upset and reassured me it would never happen again.

There was an incident along those lines at my dc's school.

The head sent a letter out to all parents that nobody is collect another child without the parent's knowledge, and they put in place a procedure that a teacher/TA would not allow another child to go home with another parent without prior arrangement from the child's parent.

In KS1 we had to tell the teacher on arrival in the morning if they were being collected by another parent, and if anything came up during the day, had to ring the school to let them know someone else was collecting them.

I would be livid. My DCs' school is very strict - to the extent that a grandad who often comes to the school gates, but who wasn't down to collect a child one particular day, wasn't allowed to take him home until the teacher had spoken with the child's parents. Equally, school need written confirmation from both parents if another parent is to take a child with them - the parent collecting and the parent of the child whose child is being picked up by someone else. Works well.

YWNBU to be furious. My DD's dopey nursery tried to send me home with her friend once, DD and friend had persuaded them that she was coming to ours on a play date. If I'd gone along with it friend's mother would have arrived with her DD gone.

I apparently was reported to SS for something similar with an older child (Child was supposed to go to club, club was cancelled due staff illness, I wasn't informed, child walked herself home, I arrive at school to find her gone - then the school reported me to SS...)

Of course there is no excuse for the teacher letting your DC go off with another parent without it being prearranged but did you tell the teacher that your DS was going to afterschool club?

My DS goes one day a week and being anal I always write it in his home school book without fail every week. I'm sure his teacher remembers by now and probably thinks I must think she is stupid! but I do it precisely so this scenario does not happen.

DS is 5. I also would not expect him to remember.

This happened to DS but at his school the rule is that if the person that the child is expecting to pick them up isn't there they have to go straight back into the classroom. I was raging but at least the school had taught them a safe back up plan and he was sensible enough to follow it.

Obviously school is in the wrong, but friend needs to be told never to do such a thing again either. Surely if her child is at the same school, then she, like the OP, knows the procedure?

That said, of course you should go in and be very calmly furious, OP!

Your friend is every bit as much to blame as the school. Why did she take your child away, without waiting to see if you turned up first? (I believe she thought you were late?). If she had remained in the playground with the teacher she would have checked and found your child should have been at after-school club. At no time was your child left unattended.

Go and see the Head and discuss your concerns, but I hope you are as severe with your friend for taking your child away without permission as you are with the school; after all they have dozens of children to organize, all in a few moments. Your friend should not have interfered even though she did it for the best motives.

If you knew how complicated it is to organize children with pre/after school arrangements, different every day, and complicated pick-up arrangements, not to mention late parents and children who have no idea who is coming for them, you would not be so critical.

And as for the usual idiots who scream Ofsted.....

I have had something similar when my eldest was at after school clubs. I still see the after school leader come out and look for lost kids

I have also managed to pick up my friends Dd as mum was very ill. No one checked with mum.

In my case all complaints are either lip service apologies or a personal insult to the school "how dare you, we are professionals" type thing.

It would be easy if any other parent wanted to take another class peer. Scary. Word it along those lines. Or ask what would of happened if anyone walked up, saw some kids hanging around waiting with the teacher. But knew the child's name?

This is a safeguarding issue. Your friend could have been anyone. I would call ofsted. It could trigger a section 5 inspection, which they deserve.

I once accidentally took someone else's child home with us . We had arranged that I would another day that week but I got confused. Plus his mum was a little late that day. So not long after we got back, she got to school, found no child there, they said he'd gone with me and she came round to my house. I felt awful

School tightened up its procedures after that