AiBU to be upset and want to talk to the head

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

School let my 5yr old DS go home woth another parent from school today, without my permission and without checking with me. He should have been at a pre-arranges after school club, but it seema they didn't check that either.

AIBU to be upset and think this flies in the face of safeguarding policies and want to talk to the head about it?

I agree Goblin. I would never collect leave school with a child that I had not been asked to collect by the parent - why would someone do that? I might say to the teacher "ring X and if she is running late tell her I am willing to collect if she wants me to" but would not do it without permission.

Hopefully the school will make sure it can't happen again though

YANBU!!!!!!!!

OP, the school has got to have explicit permission from YOU for your child to leave the school with anyone else, no matter who it is, no matter if you've pick up someone else's child before, no matter what unless that person is on your list of approved people who are authorized to pick up your child. And even then they must show identification and your specific permission and authorization for pick up that particular day. Those are the points I would discuss with the head.

Good luck! I would be absolutely livid. The teacher or aide who allowed this, and all the staff, ought to have a refresher course stat on what is the proper and safe procedure for children leaving the school.

Yes, to add, the other parent really should know better. If she were concerned, then she should have waited at the school to see that you came. The fact you were late does not mean she steps in and takes the child home with her. She may have thought she was repaying the favor but what she did was cause further confusion and was aided and abetted by the teacher.

These issues are not fluid like they used to be, when I was growing up, we walked back and forth to school by ourselves and the world may not have actually been safer then but it certainly felt that way and in some ways I think it was.

Predators count on the relaxed rules and lack of vigilance at some schools to carry out their evil schemes of snatching children. Sometimes the predator is even involved with the school in some way so it is very important that the rules are strictly adhered to.

This happened to me too, with my then 5 yo DS. I was abroad with work and received a number of increasingly panicked voicemails from the school informing me they had 'lost' my son who was supposed to be in the after school club. Turns out he had got in the queue for the bus and my neighbour took him in. I couldn't believe that the school with only 32 children total, would manage to let this happen. I was absolutely livid and the school did update their going home procedure by putting lists at the exit to the school to inform the teachers who was going where. The teacher was mortified but I was surprised that the head remained defensive of their policies at the time (i.e no policy).

You are right to be concerned. I work in a school. We wouldn't do this. Reception after school club children are collected first or taken by TA. Even when we know that parents are friends and sometimes collect a child we still phone to confirm. Any children left at 3:30pm(we finish at 3:15) are taken to the School Reception and parents phoned. An adult stays with them until they are collected. It happens quite a lot unfortunately. We had 18 one night but the traffic was bad.

I'm calming down a bit now.

I do understand that mistakes can happen and juggling after school groups and activities can mean mistakea may happen. So I can understand about the list and ensuing confusion. It's nit a massive issue.

I will have a word and ask my friend not to do it in future. I'm sure she was only trying to be helpful. She has to drive past my house to get home so would only have been intending to do that. But at the end of the day, she isn't the one who has responsibility towards DS - the teacher and school are.

Now that I've had some time to think about it my main issue is that in that moment, of being in the playground with a child with no parent, the teacher chose to allow him home with someone else instead of checking. Up till that point it was all easily rectifiable mistakes.

Surely teachers are better aware of the policies than anyone else? So they know the rules and the reasons they have to follow them? They are trained in this, or at least should be. So I find it hard to believe she would do easily neglect to follow the rules. Or am i being unreasonable and too emotional?

I'd go into HT. Take a billet point list of what you've told us here happened. Eg child asked, taken to gates, friend took.....

Then say that you realise the teachers didn't have lists so would like them to ensure more robust measures are out in place so teachers have this info at end of day and would like a written summary of what they have put in place to make sure it doesn't happen again.

You should then get an email or letter clearly stating they will making sure all teachers know who is at club when bell goes at end of day.

And also that they will make sure any uncollected child is only released to someone the parent has given permission to take in advance or after a quick phone all.

There is no way YABU, the school have acted appallingly.

Sounds similar to our school - they now have a register for all after school clubs, after a parent was mistakenly told by the school secretary that their child had gone home. There was an after school club and the hall was empty - turned out their DC had walked out of the hall with a friend, it was parents' evening as well so the child was sat with the other kids waiting for parents to speak to teachers. A panicky 15 mins until the child popped out safe and sound whilst school and parents were calling friends and relatives.

Yanbu
If i was your friend I would have phoned you first. Why would she 'assume' and just take your child home.
The school are wrong but so is your friend.

Ok ive just re read. Wish you had said all this at the beginning

Predators count on the relaxed rules and lack of vigilance at some schools to carry out their evil schemes of snatching children. Sometimes the predator is even involved with the school in some way so it is very important that the rules are strictly adhered to.

Really?

There are two errors here - the school not having a proper list for the afterschool club and the TA handing him over to another parent.

The first is a mistake and can happen. The second never, ever should.

There should be more robust lists for the children who are attending the asc. ESPECIALLY the infants. If the person collecting the child is not there they should NEVER be handed over to another parent, no matter how well meaning. Especially when you don't have a regular arrangement with that parent. What if you'd been in an accident? If you are not there then they should call you, then the child's emergency contact. There are procedures for a reason.

Tbh if it's a good school with staff who report issues to the HT appropriately I'd expect them to approach you in the morning with an apology and a "We're changing X so this doesn't happen again." If they don't I'd be asking to speak to the HT.

I don't normally say this but I think a call to ofsted is needed

This is vey bad and the school needs to look into why they let it happen.

At DD's school children who are due to go to the club are collected by the TA and taken to the club room a few minutes before class ends. If you want your child to be picked up by another parent you have to tell the teacher in advance and write it in the child's book - the teacher acknowledges the instructions in writing as well. Younger DCs (3-5) are not allowed to leave their rooms until parents pick them up, older DCs are not allowed to leave the school gate until a parent turns up.

I think a call to Ofsted would be OTT.

Unless the school has form for poor safeguarding, or the HT doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. (And even then, the first escalation point would normally be the governors)

When I worked in a school, uncollected children were taken to the office and the first thing I did was double check they weren't meant to be in a club. We would never let them go with another parent without checking first. At DC'S (junior) school the kids are let out but we're told never to take other children with us. I have in the past phoned a friend as she wasn't there when her DD came out. Turned out she thought she was going to a club and had forgotten it was cancelled!

Whoever released your child should definitely have checked before doing so. In a similar-ish situaiton at our school, the teacher wouldn't let me take a classmate of DS's who always walked home with us and whose dad was late, even though we could all see the poor late dad madly running up the lane towards the school. School policy is not to let a child go with anyone other than the parent/agreed adult unless by prior arrangement, and although it was almost farcical, the teacher said she couldn't let the child walk down the drive with me to meet her dad until he'd passed the line beyond which he was deemed to be on school property. That's exactly how it should be and I would definitely be talking to the Head.

Insancerre
That is way over the top. A simple meeting with the Headteacher is all that is needed. The teacher is probably mortified already but a reminder of school policy is all that is needed.

Was it the regular teacher OP as this would be unusual?

I think your friend was in the wrong. Yes the school was wrong too in just assuming that she had permission because she was your friend and you ghad often picked up her child. So all in all a failure of all these new safeguarding policies. You can ask why the school let your DS go with your friend rather than to his after school club.

this happens a few times in the book About a Boy but isn't a big deal, just part of the developing romance.

I see two wrongs here tbh.

Mainly it's the school who shouldn't let child go without permission from parent.

However, don't most parents know you don't take a child and that it is a safe guarding issue, even if school were in the wrong to let child go.

You just don't do it, you inform school that if they get in touch with a parent and it's ok, you don't mind dropping child off etc.

We had a letter about this from school last year - saying that it was not allowed - so there may have been a similar incident (or a near miss)

YANBU, handovers should be very precise, especially with EY.The schools I've taught in have always been very insistent about proper procedures being followed for all children, from YR to Y6. Lists, paperwork, phone messages, checks...
But they've also been brilliant when standing between the teacher and the parent/granny/neighbour/irate Y6 who stamps and froths and insists that in their case, the fussing is unnecessary and the teacher is being a pedantic PITA. That of course they have permission, it's OK and that it's Not Fair of the teacher to say 'No confirmation from a parent, you have to wait until I've checked.'