To get frustrated that my friend doesn't seem to get that not everyone is well off like she is?

[MagazineAddict39]

I have known my friend since secondary school. She is fundamentally a nice person but, having married a rich man several years ago, she has become very judgemental about others and doesn't seem to get that not everyone is rich! She wasn't brought up in a poor household but they weren't wealthy either, just standard for the area in which we lived.

Obviously as she is married to a wealthy man she has a huge house with a pool, lots of luxurious holidays, a full time nanny, a personal trainer, lots of gorgeous clothes etc.

Which is great, but she is then very judgemental about those who don't have those things. For example the other day her Facebook status was along the lines of "Having children doesn't hold me back, I still travel, dress up, and do things that I want to do. No excuses for not doing these things". Well 1) she has the money for travel, and by travel she means 5 star hotels round the world, she can dress up and look great as she has posh clothes and expensive shoes and goes to a top hairdresser, plus she has the nanny full time so of course she can go off and do as she pleases.

She is also always doing statuses about how she would not wear cheap shoes, that kind of thing.

And now she is pregnant with baby #4, which as with her other 3 she is having at a private hospital. Brilliant, I don't blame her. However she is being extremely snooty about NHS hospitals saying she is glad she is having her baby at a nice place and that she would hate to be in an NHS hospital as they are full of germs and she'd have to share a bathroom with others. Which are fair points but it's not nice of her to repeatedly point these things out as obviously private antenatal and birth care is not accessible to many.

Like I said, she is a nice person, and I think she just lives in her own bubble, but I really do get frustrated about how she does not seems to think that everyone has the same circumstances as her.

Joffrey, wow, I love that quote! I know several phenomenally wealthy people/families (quite HOW I know these people, God only knows, as we're a long long loooooooooong way off being rich, sadly!) and this applies to several of them.

One of the very nicest people I know, however, a friend of DH's, is from a family of billionaires, so obviously it doesn't always apply.

But I can think off the top of my head of several families I know with serious dosh where they are SO unhappy/dysfunctional (and quite often BECAUSE of the money, as it has caused family rifts, nasty divorces etc) that your quote has sent a chill down my spine.

MagazineAddict - I am similar to your friend, not from a privileged background but affluent now with all the associated perks, however I am acutely aware that I have more than others and am at particular pains not to be insensitive to other people's financial situations. I'm not saying I am a paragon of virtue, just surprised that you think that your friend is a nice person when she behaves like this

Not sure if this applies to all private hospitals, but definitely some have no emergency care, so if anything goes wrong and a patients life is threatened, they have to ring 999 and transport the patient to an NHS hospital. Do check this out properly though, before you innocently post correctly and factually on FB along the lines of 'oh goodness, look what happens in private hospitals when something goes wrong, they have to transfer to the NHS, because the private sector aren't equipped to deal with emergencies'

She sounds unpleasant and not so nice.

Yep blankmind - you're right. Might be different in very large metropolitan private hospitals in the major, major cities...but the majority of private hospitals do not have the range of facilities or the breadth of skills and expertise to deal with emergencies (speaking as ex NHS manager)

I know many wealthy people and by far the worst is a women who had a very simple background before she married a very wealthy man. She is hideously rude in restaurants (i refused to go out with them after an awful episode) and truly believes that she is worth it but others, well, aren't. She was destined to be rich and materialistic.

Everything is brand driven, and she often looks ridiculous. She alienates people and that is something that i would speak to your friend about. Explain with her public persona you feel that the real likable her is being overshadowed.

What a cow. Hope she loses the money somehow. Sorry but how else will she learn not to be so horrible?

And yes, tell her! She obviosuly isn't a nice person, even if she has been nice to you thus far.

She sounds like a C.U.Next Tuesday to be honest. I'd make some comment along the lines of "It isn't your money, though, is it? It's the money you access in exchange for servicing your husband and bearing his heirs. Let's hope he doesn't get bored with you." But then, I'm a bitter single lesbian mum.

'Not sure if this applies to all private hospitals, but definitely some have no emergency care, so if anything goes wrong and a patients life is threatened, they have to ring 999 and transport the patient to an NHS hospital.'

Yes.

Something I always keep in mind since a close friend died in a private hospital with no intensive care.

I don't know what's worse, a snob or an inverted snob JoMacki!

I have had a op in a private hospital.
The aftercare is dire.
Never again.

Sounds like her statuses make her sound like a dick! I'm sure you're not the only one who is irritated by them. I'd enjoy them for their comedy value.

...and my aunt had a terrible infection after a private op and the private hospital sent for an ambulance the nearest NHS one!

Try "When you said that did you know that the average annual family income in the UK is £26,500? "

A friend had private healthcare but elected to use the NHS for a serious operation as after research she was sure the after care would be better. Private does not always mean better.

hmcReborn - I'm not an inverted snob! I'm a meritocrat! And a proponent of women earning their own income through their talents.

I'm also a radical feminist lesbian and quite critical of hetero marriage as an institution. But I obviously don't ram that down the throats of my many lovely married het friends. Just snobby insecure wifelets who know the price of everything (their husband buys them) and the value of nothing.

This friend of yours sounds like my DH when his pay first went into the stratosphere. As his wife I kept his feet nailed to the ground and deflated his head a few times. His family, who are low income, have been awful and encourage him to have a grandiose attitude. Apparently, as the wife, I should do what DH says because he makes all the money!

Luckily I grew up in a down to earth wealthy family. My Dad started his own business and made himself a multimillionaire over the years. I managed to grow up with my feet on the ground despite the wealth around me. It is ironic that it is me who knows how fortunate we are and I am the one who has pushed DH into doing charity work as a way of keeping him grounded. I also work on an 80% schedule with hours that are over 40 hours a week. Very lucky that I am able to work for enjoyment and a career is the best insurance policy a spouse to a high earner can have.

Truth be told the DH of your friend is not being fair by allowing her to be so obnoxious. He will grow tired of her rude behaviour and trade her in for a younger model when she hits about 40-45. She will see all the perks disappear overnight. I have seen it happen to lots of wives who are nice as well as the ones who are not so nice.

Those of us who have made a lot of money (yes women do, we don't just leech off men we earn our own!) aren't all like that.

I prefer NHS care. It can be better. We could have had private for the last babies it the family but all chose the NHS as being better and safer.

Ah yes, agree with this except I'm not a lesbian: "I'm also a radical feminist lesbian and quite critical of hetero marriage as an institution. But I obviously don't ram that down the throats of my many lovely married het friends. Just snobby insecure wifelets who know the price of everything (their husband buys them) and the value of nothing."

These kept women are dreadful. Earn your own money.

Just wondering if you would use that phrase selectively re "It isn't your money, though, is it? It's the money you access in exchange for servicing your husband and bearing his heirs. Let's hope he doesn't get bored with you" to those that deserve an abrasive put down(the OP's friend) or whether you would level it indiscriminately at any woman with a wealthy partner who chooses not to take paid employment?

hmc I don't know what's worse, a snob or an inverted snob JoMacki!

I can answer that for you - a snob is worse. HTH

Seriously though - the "reverse snobbery" is being very much provoked in this instance. And the rich person has all the power and advantage.

Just reply "your hyacinth bucket impression is brilliant". Every time.

Have to disagree with you element - snobbery of any kind is narrow minded bigotry. HTH

Your friend doesn't sound nice at all, I have a very wealthy friend and she is nothing like this, if anything she goes out of her way not to go on about it and to make everyone feel comfortable, she also has friends from years ago who have different lifestyles to her. This is crass behaviour, and I'd be giving her a body swerve.

hmcReborn well I don't believe in punching down, so obviously I wouldn't use it to any woman who wasn't being a total PITA and trying to make other women feel like crap. I'd use it rhetorically to put down someone who actually sounds pretty toxic from the info the OP has given us.

DeoGratias - Thanks.