To still be angry and embarrassed that this woman laughed at me?

[thelouise]

This morning, it was pouring down here and so the floor in my local shop was a bit slippery. I walk with crutches due to a disability and I am unsteady on my feet at the best of times. Unfortunately for me, I went arse over tit. Falling over is usually a humiliating experience because I can't get myself up. As I fell, I caught the eye of a woman who bloody laughed at me. Who does that?! In the interests of full disclose, she did walk towards me, presumably to check I was ok, but by that time, someone had come to my aid.

I am still feeling sore, both physically and emotionally. I phoned my mum (even though I am 37 ) who thinks I'm being silly to feel angry, especially when two lovely men helped me up, found me a chair, got me a drink and then walked me to my cry.

AIBU to still feel mortified and angry or, in the words of Elsa, do I need to let it go?

that people don't seem to see the difference between involuntary reaction that can't be controlled because we are talking about EXTREME situations (like laughing when you are in pain or hearing from the death of a close relative) and an involuntary reaction that can and should be controlled like laughing at a 5yo child falling over.

What I'm saying is that if you can refrain from laughing when you see a disabled person falling over then you can refrain laughing when someone falls over (which is the case we are talking about).
These are two very different situations and I don't think it helps anyone to mix them up.
I also think at as long as you say it's te same thing (which it isn't) then why on earth would people change their attitude? Look at the experience of a PP who thought as a child that the normal answer to someone falling/hurting themselves was to laugh. 1- it was hurtful fur her as it put her in difficult situations and 2- she did manage to change her reactions.
I wouldnt dream to think that this would be possible in EXTREME situations when you react out if shock.

The bottom line though is that the OP was hurt by said reaction. Enough to come here and talk about it. Enough to feel shame about falling over. Isn't that enough to recognise it was hurtful rather than doing your best justifying said behaviour?

And none of the situations you are talking about are similar to laughing at someone falling over. Laughing when You hurt yourself, when you are startled isn't the same thing than laughing when someone else is falling over/hurting yourself.
In that case things happen to someone else, you aren't hurt in any shape or form, it's not something that is affecting you. So why would you be in such state of stress that laughing is the only thing you can do? It is and will be seen as laughing AT the person who is hurt. With good reasons.

It is worth listening to people who are on the receiving end of the laugh feel about it. Their feelings and the consequence it has on them is just as valuable.

Look, I'm not going to spend time arguing with you about this and detail the thread but you illustrate my point very neatly with your comment

"involuntary reaction that can and should be controlled"

The key is in the word "involuntary". It doesn't matter where on the spectrum of extremity the situation is - whether it's a child falling over or news of a death - if it causes an involuntary reaction therefore it cannot be controlled.

I don't think anyone here is defending the fact they do it, a lot of posters including myself would prefer not to have this reaction at all, and are very concerned that their reaction makes others think they're a heartless, cruel bastard. We are very aware of how inappropriate it can be. Unfortunately I started laughing at a close family members funeral when the Kaddish was being said (so the very worst possible time) but everyone understood it was just a stress reaction.

By the way, if I saw someone fall over I would (and have) have definitely gone to see if I could help/check they were OK. The majority of people don't deliberately act in a way to cause others pain and it's awful when people think you are when you're really not.

Genuinely though, you can't help a reaction which is involuntary no matter how disproportionate it seems. No one is setting out to cause pain to others deliberately and I think that is the thing to take from this thread and hope you agree with me here at least. I originally posted to offer OP sympathy and support - pretty much like everyone here so it would be a shame to make the thread into an argument.

Its caused by shock, at its simplest level a sudden lurch of epinephrine that has a physical outcome. And yes, it can happen when something happens to someone else because most people have this thing called empathy

Fwiw, i once laughed at an old lady falling off the curb in her scooter into a bush. I am a wheelchair user myself, before the PO starts

Ohh hun (((((((((((((((soft Hugs))))))))))))))

I walk weirdly and often fall, I cant get up either.

It Sucks Hairy Kangaroo Balls

Having looked at a few search results it seems that laughing may be as much about social signals as humour. Laughter as a response to a sudden shock (your own or to others) may be a way to indicate that 'everything is ok'. Even if it's not. It's a way of saying 'It will be fine'.

BeyondCBA is right that it's an empathic response by social creatures trying to ease the situation.

Now Wood before you go off and actually do some research as opposed to having the 'well one size must fit all humans, and it must be my size' there is paradoxical laughter that is linked to altered mental states. I know you'll want to latch onto that and accuse us of being odd, again. However paradoxical laughter can also be part of fight-or-flight (ie the emergency situation response). There is also nervous laughter - again a way of feeling reassured yourself and giving that social cue to others around you.

Thanks for the support. :) I am totally over it now and actually, focusing on the lovely men who deserve medals 'cause I'm not small to lift!

I do feel better for knowing that other people are nervous laughers. I'm going with that theory. Most people aren't twats, so it's far more likely it was a nervous thing.

I'm glad you're feeling better.

And with your last sentence you summed up very nicely and concisely what I was trying to say when wittering on for paragraphs it's true though that it probably wasn't malicious just an automatic reaction she could have offered to help you though

I'm sorry about your fall but I do think it was nerves. I am terrible for laughing when I'm nervous, funerals mainly

That's the attitude theLouise, stay positive!

I remember gettting the giggles when my son had his 2 months injections, it was completely involuntary and one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

I say this just to show that this woman may have had no control over her reaction, although she should have tried to hide it.

Did she laugh openly or try and stifle it?

Even if it was involuntary, an apology and explanation wouldn't have gone amiss (as she was coming over to help anyway) and might have made the OP feel a whole lot better.

There are people too, who laugh all the time and in some of those circumstances it is not truly involuntary. For instance someone I know had a makeover and looked lovely. She came in to show her DH who laughed his head off. He was sorry when he saw her face and stopped laughing immediately - but it certainly ruined the occasion for her - and for those of us who had been with her.

Sorry OP I know this isn't anywhere as serious as your situation - but it still makes me so cross - the muppet (the DH I mean). How did he think she would feel?