Do you think it's a bit out of order for a sil to tell everyone she's pg on your wedding day [DOWNTOWN ABBEY SPOILER WARNING added by MNHQ]

[LardLizard]

This happened at my wedding but I didn't think anything of it really


Just thought sil was telling everyone that she was pregnant because it was an oppertunity to see everyone

She didn't stand up and make a speech or anything she just told everyone individually

Anyway afterwards my mum said she thought it was out of order of her and I've just watched the Xmas downtown where mary doesn't announce her pregnancy news as she doesn't want to steal Edith thunder

Anyway what do you think ?

[silvermantela]

It depends...if pregnancy had already been announced to close family and she was just telling wider circle in conversation, including those she'd not be likely to speak to in person otherwise, fine. OTOH if it was one daughter's wedding and sister took the opportunity to tell everyone first grandchild was due (can see my Dsis doing this somehow ) then definitely NOT FINE. So it's sort of a spectrum of unreasonableness depending on individual circs.

[Littletabbyocelot]

Noone told me on the day Reni. It was one of a number of things she did & my other guests pretty much bonded over keeping me from finding out.

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

I did this by mistake at one of my best friend's weddings. I was just 12 weeks along and had put on 1lb and she just takes one look at me and shrieks 'omg you're pregnant.' I had carefully kept it quiet so as not to steal her thunder and then she goes and screams it to the whole room. I was mortified! But then she's obviously psychic and also didn't seem to mind!

[OwlinaTree]

Hummm me and dh were telling people at sil's wedding. Close family knew in the days before. We'd had a stillbirth the previous year, so it was actually quite nice for people to know given the circumstances. Only told people on dh's side who would care though! No announcement.

I think people would have guessed anyway as I wasn't drinking and I'm usually a bit of a lush.

[hauntedhenry]

She probably just thought it would be a good opportunity to tell people as all the family were together. No point in letting it bother you now, if it didn't bother you on the day.

[80schild]

With all things it depends how it is done - people who are thunderstealers find a way even if they don't have news. Bristle at thought of my own wedding.

[Longdistance]

I would have no issue with this.

In fact at our wedding our friends had a 25 year wedding anniversary, so we celebrated that. Later on a coy friend announced her engagement and we never knew, but announced it to everyone else.

It's a great time to celebrate everyone coming together.

[Damselindestress]

I think you are right, your SIL just took the opportunity to share her news because the whole family was together and she did tell people individually instead of announcing it! If you had been upset at the time then it would be different but I think it is a bit off for your mum to stir when you were fine with it!

[1frenchfoodie]

I agree with your original reaction - natural she'd use the opportunity to tell family when all together and double the happiness.

[Ackvavit]

I was obviously pregnant (fatter than normal) at my SIL wedding but hadn't told anyone other than my own parents so as not to steal her thunder. I was a size 8 at the time so being pregnant showed as a bump quite obvs. Dressed to avoid it being too noticeable and asked for all my lime and sodas in a wine glass. We did tell PIL and SUL the week after and they felt we spoils things. Never really worked out how a daughter getting married then their son and wife telling them they were expecting their first grandchild could be taken so bloody miserably! SIL was separated within 6 months and divorced shortly after! Families eh

[Ackvavit]

SIL and spoiled not as ^

[Secondtimeround75]

I think it's fine
Bit bridezilla to only allow guests to talk about ye on the day.

[Andthentherewasmum]

I think trying to control a whole day is a recipe for stress and conflict. and is also real bridezilla territory

You get everyone together, they see you get married and then you do the social bit. Beyond that people will interact how they want. You can't control what they say or do!

I agree with PP that your mum was stirring a bit if you weren't offended.

[Terramirabilis]

Thanks for the spoiler OP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Huh?

[Terramirabilis]

Downton Abbey Christmas special hasn't been broadcast in the US yet and, I'm sure, many other countries. Not everyone on Mumsnet is in the UK. I've reported the post for the spoiler so hopefully HQ will mark the thread in the title.

[JessicaRuby]

I think I would be a bit upset at this - I get that a wedding isn't about 'my day' to the exclusion of anything else, but at the same time people are paying thousands of pounds for one day to celebrate the couples happiness, and it's a bit shit for someone else to come along and distract from that.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I commented on this thinking it was real because I don't watch Downton and haven't really followed the thread properly since, Terra

[JessicaRuby]

Oh is it not real? Bit pointless starting a thread about it...

[Andthentherewasmum]

but at the same time people are paying thousands of pounds for one day to celebrate the couples happiness, and it's a bit shit for someone else to come along and distract from that.

But why is it distracting from their happiness though? Surely it's just adding to it with more happy news. Or are they not happy if someone else is as well?

If people spend thousands then that is clearly up to them but it doesn't entitle them to control everyone else! It's not rent a mob.

This is what grips me about modern weddings, guests are there like extras in a film. Just because lunch is being bought for them doesn't mean the guests haven't shelled out loads of money too just to sit there! Don't they get to enjoy themselves and socialise with family they probably haven't seen for a long tim. Part of socialising is sharing news.

[JessicaRuby]

And I suppose it doesn't really matter. I think it's the intent that would bother me - it seems like only a certain type of person or couple would consciously choose to announce it on someone else's wedding day. What's wrong with announcing the day after when the family are having breakfast? Or just announcing to people separately like the majority of people do. It just feels a bit like an attempt to steal other peoples thunder. I can't imagine any of my family doing this.

[ceeveebee]

My DSis did this on my wedding day. She was only about 6 weeks and doesn't drink anyway so could have easily kept it quiet. She kept coming up to our table to ask me whether we could prepare her a special starter without the goats cheese in, and wanting to know ingredients in the pudding. Seriously just ask the fucking waitress, I am a little bit busy (appreciate this might sound nasty but she has always been a total drama queen). In contrast one of our closest friends was also pregnant but never said a word until later on when she got to 12 weeks.

[TheBestChocolateIsFree]

It is a real situation according to the OP but the discussion with her DM about DSIL's etiquette was prompted by a throwaway comment in the Xmas episode of Downton.

[Oldandfallingtobits]

My exh's sister announced at our reception, just at the start of the first dance, that her and her husband were just going to start trying to conceive , huge family table then roared and cheered, and the happy couple joined us on the dance floor, bowing, smiling and waving! It's all on the wedding video!


I thought it was a bit weird but my mum was RAGING

[Holly34]

There are two sides to this. She wasnt drinking so had to say so why but announcing to the family on ur day i think is wrong to some extent. Hey ho everyone is different you know your sil better then even your mum. The fact it didnt bother you, safe to keep it at that