Do you think it's a bit out of order for a sil to tell everyone she's pg on your wedding day [DOWNTOWN ABBEY SPOILER WARNING added by MNHQ]

[LardLizard]

This happened at my wedding but I didn't think anything of it really


Just thought sil was telling everyone that she was pregnant because it was an oppertunity to see everyone

She didn't stand up and make a speech or anything she just told everyone individually

Anyway afterwards my mum said she thought it was out of order of her and I've just watched the Xmas downtown where mary doesn't announce her pregnancy news as she doesn't want to steal Edith thunder

Anyway what do you think ?

[BarbarianMum]

But how can a whole wedding reception be 'about' the bride and groom?' Are you only allowed to look at them, talk to them or about things that concern them? Surely announcing a pregnancy is of only limited interest to almost everybody involved?

[doodlejump1980]

My sister asked me to tell everyone about my pregnancy two weeks before her wedding so as not to steal her thunder. Totally understood. The wedding should be about the b&g.

[Loiterer]

Only on Mumsnet would this not be considered rude.

I wouldn't go apeshit, but I think its unkind and unnecessary. And blow me, if your bloody wedding day isn't all about about you and your new husband anymore, what is?

Harry what happened to you was different.

I wouldn't dream of choosing someone's wedding day to announce a big piece of news..

[NinaSharp]

Not really. People might have asked. I ended up telling people about my pregnancy at a big 30th bash for a few friends. Wasn't ideal at all, but I wasn't drinking, everyone guessed, and it just sort of came out.

[rumbelina]

I wouldn't have minded at all, in fact I'd have been delighted to announce it as part of my speech. Happy news on a happy occasion. More love in the room can only be a good thing. I am a bit soppy though, it's not for everyone.

[YakTriangle]

Telling people individually because everyone was present seems fine to me. Standing up and clinking her glass during the speeches to announce it, now that would have been rude.

[BlueMoonRising]

I guess the divide is possible people that like being in the limelight with the attention focussed on them, and people that don't care for it.

I'm in the don't care for it camp. Nothing wrong with either camp, especially on your wedding day - so the answer is - before telling people on someone's wedding day - speak to the bride and groom and see how they feel about it first.

(Unless someone happens to ask the question when you have a glass of orange juice in your hand..)

[knobblyknee]

I like your attitude and think you;ll have a happier life for it

[Caboodle]

Wouldn't bother me at all...two reasons to be happy. My sil apologised to me for getting pregnant 3 weeks after me as it 'stole my thunder'. Baffled me really....I was chuffed pfb would have a cousin the same age to play with.

[SweetieDrops]

I wouldn't do it. I was ten weeks pregnant at a friend's wedding and kept quiet, a close friend who was sitting beside me and knew I was TTC sussed it when she saw me decline wine but I asked her not to tell anyone because it was the happy couple's day.

[descalina]

I think it's fine to tell people individually. Making a speech or a big announcement would have been rude.

For most guests weddings are a nice celebration which gives the chance to catch up with friends/family, not a day to spend in awe of the bride and groom.

[Anotherusername1]

How is it rude? Everyone IS together and it's the ideal opportunity! It seems strange to me to think otherwise. People can talk about what they like! As Yak says, making a big announcement might be a bit weird.

As for the wedding being about the B&G - tee hee. I remember going out to the loo or something and coming back and everyone was standing/sitting around in circles having a great time. I felt slightly excluded. Then I thought "hang on, this is my wedding" and broke into one of the circles and joined in. My husband said he had an identical experience. Everyone got on too well at our wedding ;)

There are some very precious people out there. Oh it's MY day nobody else is allowed to have any news. Really? Nowt as queer as folk as they say.

[willievertrust]

i was engaged for 11 years with no wedding in sight, my sister got engaged and married the following year, a few months before her wedding i set a date for my wedding for the following year. My parents told me to keep this news a secret until after my sisters wedding. it still infuriates me now even though i am in the process of a divorce. i wasnt planning on announcing it at the wedding i just didnt want to keep it a secret from my friends as i had waited a long time as it was, it wasnt taking anything away from her big day. i just had to put up with the "so when are you setting a date" comments knowing full well it was already set.

my sister put a no pregnancy order on her bridesmaids for the wedding and when her bridesmaids did the same at their weddings she didnt like it.

it was ridiculous.

[magpie17]

My SIL told everyone at our wedding she was pregnant except us!! Apparently it was to avoid 'stealing our thunder' but if that was the case then why tell anyone? It made no sense and I would rather she just told us because I felt like there was whispering going on during the day (we had less than 20 people at our wedding) and thought it was people complaining about the wedding when they were actually talking about that!

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

It really wouldn't bother me, nor would I feel my wedding day was 'diluted' by someone else's good news.

Where does it stop? Are you not allowed to tell anyone about a promotion? New house? New partner?

Most adults are capable of being happy about more than one thing at a time.

[MissBattleaxe]

I think a wedding is a great opportunity to tell relatives in person.

The SIL is not out of order. I don't get this territorial business about weddings. If the family gathers, let them say what they want and share news.

[Thetruthfairy]

Telling people in person is so much nicer than telling them over the phone.
It's really nice that your sil and bro got to see relative's reactions. When would they have had the opportunity to do this otherwise?
There will have been people sharing all sorts of happy news at your wedding, it just happens that this is one of the happiest pieces of news. I would be happy for them x

[Thetruthfairy]

Ha. Miss battle axe, xed posts and we said the same thing x

[MrFMercury]

We had a tiny wedding with just close family. Some now ex friends (for a far worse reason) decided to text everyone on the morning of the wedding to announce they were pregnant. There is a backstory and I knew it was a pointed gesture - especially as dates wise they had literally just found out. A couple of our other friends mentioned it to me and said it felt like attention seeking to them.

When my BIL and SIL got married one of the cousins couldn't attend because she had horrendous morning sickness. I happened to be stood next to the bride and groom when her dad explained what had happened and they were fine with it. Everyone wondered where she and her husband were and it was lovely news and not delivered in a 'look at me' way.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Well yes to be honest. As itd be taking the shine away from the bride. You're wedding only lasts one day this being the centre of attention for that one day. Where as pregnant women have plenty of time to fussed over.
So no I wouldn't announce a pregnancy at a wedding. I'd let the bride and of course groom have their day.

[SparklesandBangs]

My SIL was pregnant at my wedding but only immediate family knew as it was less than 12 weeks and not an ideal situation which would have lead to awkward questions that we didn't want to answer at a wedding. Her choice but yes I was happy to have the focus on me.
I do think that there is a distinction between the bridal party's close family and general guests when it comes to announcements.
But then I also had a crazy SIL (different side of family) who always had to be centre of attention and anything she could do to achieve this she did. Her sister happened to announce her pregnancy at a planning meal for her wedding, this caused histrionics and storming out. God knows what would have happened if this had been the actual wedding. NB by the wedding she was obviously pregnant, and had made sure all the guests knew in advance as dictated by the bride.

[FoxesSitOnBoxes]

If she'd stood up and given a big announcement I'd have been a bit but quietly telling people I wouldn't care.
Also, other than very close relatives, who gives a shit when someone tells them they're pregnant? It's an "oh that's nice" moment surely not a "wow! Stop everything! This is amazing and totally eclipses this wedding" moment?
No biggy, in my opinion, as most people there don't really care

[MissBattleaxe]

The Truth Fairy- because we are right and we are lovely.

[CatsRule]

I was pregnant at my sil's wedding and we chose to keep it to ourselves as it was her and bil's day. We did make the mistake of telling mil a few weeks prior and she put on so much pressure for us to announce (on her own dd's day) that it made us uncomfortable. We refused although from the greetings and reactions we got.feom some people we know she opened her big toxic mouth!! Could your sil have been put in a similar situation?

[witsender]

Wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. It isn't the 'done thing' I know.