Do you think it's a bit out of order for a sil to tell everyone she's pg on your wedding day [DOWNTOWN ABBEY SPOILER WARNING added by MNHQ]

[LardLizard]

This happened at my wedding but I didn't think anything of it really


Just thought sil was telling everyone that she was pregnant because it was an oppertunity to see everyone

She didn't stand up and make a speech or anything she just told everyone individually

Anyway afterwards my mum said she thought it was out of order of her and I've just watched the Xmas downtown where mary doesn't announce her pregnancy news as she doesn't want to steal Edith thunder

Anyway what do you think ?

[hanahsaunt]

We did announce my pg at SILs wedding BUT ... only to most immediate family members (ie MIL and FIL and siblings) as we wouldn't otherwise see them in person to tell them (live on other countries) and only after the B&G had left and the party was over.

[TondelayaDellaVentamiglia]

I think she is a Sneaky Thunder Stealer!

If she wanted everyone to know as the Sneaky Thunder Stealer she is she should have asked you or someone making the speeches to make an announcement, but to go about telling everyone is sly and underhand imo

OP make sure you are pregnant and go into labour at her next function :o


Dh and I got engaged a week or so before my brother's passing out parade, parents had a bit of a do to celebrate, family and friends all there....I did not even wear my ring as we had not spread the news and it wasn't my day.

[hufflebottom]

I didn't say anything at xp's brothers wedding. Mind you people may of guessed. I wasn't drinking, struggled to eat and kept trying not to throw up.

[Lweji]

Your mother is a trouble maker.

You can't steal a bride's thunder by telling people discreetly that you are pregnant.

I'd just be happy for them.

[RainbowDashed]

My cousin's pregnancy was made known to the wider family at my wedding (I won't say announced as there was no announcement as such). She was 6 weeks, felt like shit and obv wasn't drinking, she wasn't planning on letting everyone know as she didn't want to tread on my toes. The word got out anyway, and quite frankly, dh and I couldn't have given a shiny shite other than to be pleased for my cousin and her dh and thinking it was a great opportunity to let everyone know when we were all together anyway. The majority of the guests couldn't have cared less anyway as they didn't know my cousin. I was actually quite baffled as to why she thought she had to keep it quiet but having heard similar stories with brides going ape, I can see why she did.

[ClarkL]

It really depends on your relationship. My sister announced her pregnancy at my daughters birthday party and everyone stopped with happy birthdays and moved straight to congratulations to her, for me I was furious. You do not steal a childs birthday - I also don't like my sister.
When it got to my wedding (after children cos im a heathen ;) ) I was convinced my sister would hijack it and announce her pregnancy as we know they've been planning another for some time and I made it very clear to my Mum if she did she'd be asked to be quiet and leave. If it had been almost anyone else I wouldn't have had an issue, but due to her history and us not getting along it would have been seen as thunder stealing. So I guess there is no right or wrong it all needs judging on an individual basis

[OOAOML]

My sister asked me to tell everyone about my pregnancy two weeks before her wedding so as not to steal her thunder.

I just don't get this - the level of micro management of someone else's life baffles me. Then again, in my family we told parents and siblings, and left it to them to let aunts etc know. Friends were told as and when, there was no big announcement. And unless you see everyone all the time, if we'd phoned round and made an announcement two weeks before a wedding, it would be the first time we saw most people so it would still be a topic of conversation and therefore at risk of thunder stealing.

[abbieanders]

I haven't a clue what people talked about during my wedding. Since it started at 1pm and lasted for around 15 hours, I'm sure they must have touched on some topic other than the wonders of me.

[WeAllHaveWings]

I wouldn't care especially since she was telling people individually, maybe people she hadn't seen for a while or wouldn't see for a while.

Don't think a pregnancy announcement is going to take anything away from the couples wedding, people will be having chats about all sorts from health issues, affairs, divorces, job losses, promotions etc.

Which ones are acceptable to discuss at a wedding and which aren't? Is Uncle Jimmy not allowed to discuss his cancer treatment, is Auntie Joan not allowed to mention her recent redundancy? Is cousin John not allowed to discuss his lottery win/new Ferrari! Are they expected to talk about the wedding and nothing else!

I travelled to Newcastle for a huge 25th wedding anniversary vow renewal/party when I was 12 weeks pregnant, travelled with BIL/SIL who lived locally and knew but I asked them not to mention it as it was someone else's day and we'd tell them the next morning.

BIL let the cat out of the bag to someone (unintentionally) and our hosts were lovely, made a big deal of it and made us feel really special. They still had a great night and also celebrated our news. Such lovely warm generous people. I'd aspire to be that type of person than an immature bridezilla.

[alltouchedout]

Wouldn't bother me either. My wedding was about getting married, not being the centre of attention. I really don't understand the need to be the sole focus of a day.

[EponasWildDaughter]

If they'd been struggling to conceive for 10 years, everyone knew it, and she stood up on a chair and announced they were expecting triplets during the speeches then yes, that's stealing the limelight.

As a PP said - telling a few relatives about a pregnancy isn't that earth shattering news, just a nice snippet for those interested in it to hear about. Like chatting at a wedding and telling people you've just got your dream job, or won a bit of money.

Pregnancy announcements tend to upset those who are struggling to ttc (i know, i've been one of them) but surely that doesn't apply to your mum OP? ;)

Perhaps she was just being a bit 'mother of the bride' protective of your day.

[RainbowDashed]

I can understand why in some circumstances an announcement like this would be seen as selfish arses trying to deflect attention back to them. The majority of the time though I would hope that there was no nefarious intent.

I totally don't understand this "thunder stealing" thing though - not from the pov of someone deliberately making it all about them (remembers ex SIL's behaviour at my wedding) but why someone, with whom you normally have a good relationship, would feel that they were somehow intruding on "your day" by sharing some of their own news. I suppose I never really saw my wedding as "my day wot is all about meeee" - I wanted to marry dh but the idea of being front and centre all day was a torment to be got through and my wedding was tailored so that it wouldn't be like that (no top table, no welcoming line etc etc)

[moopymoodle]

Wouldn't bother me.

Some people are weird about wedding days. My uncle and his then fiancé fell out with me for having my wedding 3 weeks before his. Apparently it was selfish due to gifts? Wtf. This fued has gone on years and he's just about fell out with everybody who didn't agree with his bullying ways.

Him and his wife went round saying their wedding would be better, was madness

[abbieanders]

Indeed. I was only glad that there was a buzz of conversation in the room indicating that people were having an ok time. In my opinion, it would be much worse to have a wedding where people are too focused on the bride and groom.

Hello Mary! It's been so long!
Carmel! Too long!
Lovely wedding, isn't it?
Oh beautiful! They got the weather for it, too.
They did. The dress is lovely, now, I thought.
Oh it is. They're both looking smashing.
They are. And a good turnout as well.
Yeah, I'd tell you now what I heard about uncle Seamus another time when I see you. This latest incident isn't o the approved topics list...

[DownstairsMixUp]

I wouldn't care if someone did this at my wedding BUT I personally wouldn't do it, as going by programmes like Don't Tell the Bride a lot of women like the day to be all me me me so I wouldn't want them to think I was trying to steal their limelight.

[EponasWildDaughter]

abbieanders - yes! I remember thinking the same thing. I had a small wedding, with the 30 or so guests being people who were all dear to me and DH, but who mostly really didn't know each other from Adam.

I was so pleased when we came in from having the photos done to see them all getting on well at the little reception. I had fears they'd all be sat there in awkward silence

[AppleSetsSail]

It's probably is a breach of etiquette to reveal a pregnancy at someone else's wedding.

That said, if you are pregnant most people will work it out based on your attire & hopefully, sobriety.

[HackerFucker22]

I assume your SIL was only telling your DH's side of the family / people she personally knows and not telling random people.from your family she has never met?

In that case all fine and makes sense as she was probably seeing extended family she doesn't usually see.

Standing up and making an announcement after the speeches would be bang out of order.

[perfumedlife]

She didn't 'announce' it, she told people in a one to one situation so what's the issue? Are we so bridezilla these days that people can't share happy news in general conversations?

[sparechange]

Depends how it was 'announced', I think
If a few aunts and uncles noticed she wasn't drinking and were told why, that is different from gathering all that side of the family together during the drinks reception and making an announcement to them.

I'm going to a wedding in a few weeks where the best man will be proposing to his girlfriend (one of the bride's best mates) at some point during the reception. The bride knows and thinks it is great, but I'm sure there are going to be lots of shocked gasps when it happens

[RainbowDashed]

abbieanders, you can't beat an Irish wedding for a gathering of gossipmongers

You know, my cousin's pregnancy wasn't the main topic of conversation at my wedding. My granny had recently died and she was very much the head of our family, we all loved her immensely and we had all been devastated - we talked about her a lot and how she would have loved the day. My cousin's baby would have been her first great grandchild so there was some crossover there I suppose. Did Granny "steal my thunder" too?

[WorraLiberty]

She didn't 'announce' it, she told people in a one to one situation so what's the issue? Are we so bridezilla these days that people can't share happy news in general conversations?

This ^^

As pleasant as the news is, it's another baby in the family and that's it.

It's not like a royal announcement that's going to take the 'shine' off the day.

[willconcern]

I really don't understand why this would be a problem. Two reasons to celebrate. Telling a few people she's pregnant is hardly detracting from the bride and groom. I wouldn't be annoyed if someone told other guests they were engaged at my wedding either. Plenty of room for celebrating.

Standing up after the speeches and making a separate announcement about either of the above would be weird and not appropriate. But telling people in general conversation - no problem.

[Viviennemary]

Yes it was out of order. Some people would be bothered and some wouldn't so on the whole it is better to keep quiet about it on somebody else's special day.

[AppleSetsSail]

She didn't 'announce' it, she told people in a one to one situation so what's the issue? Are we so bridezilla these days that people can't share happy news in general conversations?

It really depends on the context. If it's the first grandchild in the family, the parents of the groom/bride might feel torn about who they're supposed to be showering with joy and attention. The bride might have recently miscarried (modern times - people don't wait to get married anymore). SIL relationships can be fraught, I know I find my SIL hard work.

I just wouldn't do it. Next day at brunch seems like a far better option.