Do you think it's a bit out of order for a sil to tell everyone she's pg on your wedding day [DOWNTOWN ABBEY SPOILER WARNING added by MNHQ]

[LardLizard]

This happened at my wedding but I didn't think anything of it really


Just thought sil was telling everyone that she was pregnant because it was an oppertunity to see everyone

She didn't stand up and make a speech or anything she just told everyone individually

Anyway afterwards my mum said she thought it was out of order of her and I've just watched the Xmas downtown where mary doesn't announce her pregnancy news as she doesn't want to steal Edith thunder

Anyway what do you think ?

[Notso]

FIL announced my pregnancy with DC2 at a wedding of their close friends son.
I felt really awkward.

[SoWhite]

I'd be perfectly fine with it, and very excited to hear the news, as my relationship with my sister is excellent.

If my sister had a form for doing things to spite me, I'd be pissed off.

[PerspicaciaTick]

I didn't tell anyone at my SILs wedding. TBH I'd aready had one steaming row with her about the wedding (more accurately, she had a steaming row with me while I sat open-mouthed with shock).

I did have the immense satisfaction that at least one of my children managed to gatecrash her big day .

[shovetheholly]

I think there is something oddly contagious about a situation when something really bothers someone else, and they try to convince you that you are a 'victim'. It's very hard not to get sucked into feeling hard-done-by, even if the thing hasn't really bothered you before!

However, I do think victim narratives of that kind are worth resisting. If it didn't wreck your day for you because you have a sunny enough disposition to cope with it, then why sweat it just because a TV show thinks you should?

[AnnPerkins]

I was going to post what BarbariansMum said. What does 'it should be about the B&G' mean? Should people only look at and talk about them for the whole event? How would that work then?

Weddings are about celebrating love and family and all that. I also would be overjoyed to hear other people's good news on 'my' special day.

That said, I've always wondered if I was right to think it was bad form of my friend's SIL for showing off her own wedding album at friend's reception.

[ollieplimsoles]

I would have been upset if someone did this at my wedding, because my closest friend was struggling with ttc on her third round of ivf. Then at the reception she discreetly told me she was pregnant but didn't want to tell and steal my thunder, I was ecstatic for her and went around telling every one with her!

Great memories on my special day!

[balancingfigure]

It wouldn't have bothered me either.

Slightly bothered that I now know what happens in Downton which I haven't got around to watching yet though!

[SolidGoldBrass]

It depends a lot on the PG woman's relationship with the B&G - is it good, or is there a long history of spite/attention-seeking/competitiveness? Also, is the bride (or any other close friend or family member) having fertility issues?

Also, making an actual announcement of it in the middle of someone else's day, particularly if you just leap up and do it rather than asking the bridal couple if youcan, is a bit rude. Mind you, so is proposing to your partner and announcing your engagement at someone else's wedding if you make a big fuss about it.

[susurration]

Wouldn't have bothered me. What annoys me more about this sort of thing is when a huge deal is made out of it for no reason.

Perfect example is how my maid of honour (my cousin) and her parents fucked up the night before the wedding, the day of and the day after with apparently trying not to 'steal thunder' by lying to everyone about my cousin's son being born. I.e. Baby born the night before our wedding, MoH and her parents stay up celebrating till 4am. On morning of wedding MoH is late for hair and make-up, about as much use as a chocolate teapot all day and then they all leave at 8pm because they are 'tired'. Next morning they wake everyone up at 7am to tell us baby arrived two days ago and they aren't bothering with breakfast because they want to get straight home and see my cousin and newborn. Now that is thunder stealing and how to piss off someone. If they had just been straight with us, it would have been better. We were thrilled about the baby, more pissed off at having MoH fuck around on our wedding day.

[TheBestChocolateIsFree]

I think it's different with Mary and Edith because:
A) they have a long history of mutual loathing competition and sabotage, with Mary having deliberately sabotaged two of Edith's previous engagements.
B) presumably Mary wasn't going to be bombarded with amateur detectives saying "what do you mean you won't have another glass of champagne at your own sister's wedding !? What sort of antibiotics OMG YOU'RE TOTALLY PREGNANT!"
C) Mary's not subject to the social conventions that you wait until a positive 12 week ultrasound scan and then tell everyone so she has much more leeway about when she tells people.

[RubbleBubble00]

It's a bit off. My friends sister announced at the start of his 21st birthday party (family one at his parents house) she was expecting her first child. Completely stole his thunder. Esp when she had been staying in the house a couple of days alreqdyalready

[Littletabbyocelot]

A 'friend' ran around my weddings telling everyone moh (who shed never met before) was pregnant and shouldn't be drinking. Moh wasn't pregnant at all, she'd put a tiny bit of weight on. That annoyed me (my poor moh went and got changed she felt so self conscious) but a genuine one wouldn't, despite the fact that we'd taken a break from ivf to get married.

[noeffingidea]

I wouldn't have minded, but then I didn't feel the need to be the 'centre of attention' on my wedding day. I honestly don't get the stealing thunder thing.

[reni2]

How horrid, Littletabbyocelot, did you eject offending friend from the wedding? I would have been tempted to make a big show and announcing the wedding spoiler X should stop spreading rumours.

[LoisWilkersonsLastNerve]

Wouldn't bother me unless it was done in a deliberately snide way, which it doesn't sound like it was in this case. I don't really get the 'Its My Day' attention seeking part of weddings tbh. I hate being centre of attention though.

[MLGs]

I don't know. I didn't announce my pg at aunt's 50th for this reason even though this meant telling people on the phone later on rather than in person.

Mind you, she already had my db's engagement and another niece's graduation to contend with "stealing her thunder" so a pg too might have been a bit much!

[CombineBananaFister]

I think it depends whether you value 'attention' as important or not because that's the only thing I can think that it affects really? and even then it doesn't that much, the B&G are still just as special and the wedding still just as important. It wouldn't bother me but I don't feel the need to be the sole centre of attention, I enjoyed my wedding for other reasons. Some do, each to their own.

I was pregnant at my cousins wedding and only found out 2 days before. I told my mum, dad and brother beforehand to minimize the interrogation of not drinking and feeling ropey. It was still a bloody nightmare and made it a bit of chore as people are obsessed with why you are teetotal.

[Samcro]

i did this at a wedding, I only told one person(mother of the bride) as she is famous for not smiling in photos. I told her as I took the pic....she smiled. she then told the bride(who was also pleased) can't imagine using the wedding to tell everyone though.

[Waltermittythesequel]

I think your life will be easier and happier having the attitude you have, OP.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest and in fact my SIL was pregnant at my wedding and told people.

I wasn't happy or unhappy, it was just news, albeit nice news.

However...

uncle and his then fiancé fell out with me for having my wedding 3 weeks before his.

This I don't get. Again, it wouldn't bother me but out of a whole year why pick three weeks before a family wedding to have your own? That's just weird to me.

[Hatethis22]

It's rude. It wouldn't bother me but it isn't the done thing.

[ButtonMoon88]

It would depend on how much I care for the person who is pregnant!

[Postchildrenpregranny]

Weddings are about family? I'd have been pleased your SIL knew you wouldnt see it as an issue to share some joyous news with family members. We didn't 'announce' our engagement at a friend's wedding as such ,but did tell the several mutual friends who were there and, of course, the bride and groom . He asked the guests to drink our health in his speech, which was lovely of him (we were 30 at the time and our friendship went back 20 years) I dont think the bride, a lovely girl, minded

[Lweji]

uncle and his then fiancé fell out with me for having my wedding 3 weeks before his.
This I don't get. Again, it wouldn't bother me but out of a whole year why pick three weeks before a family wedding to have your own? That's just weird to me.

Why not? It's not the same day or weekend.
A good friend and I married one week apart. We were all fine and happy. And still friends, btw.

What's the done in between time that's allowed for family?

[Waltermittythesequel]

I just don't understand it. There are 52 weeks in the year, no need to have your weddings so close together.

I'm thinking outfits, time off for families, gifts etc. Weddings put pressure on people, whether MN thinks they should or not.

I'd give my family a bit of breathing space, personally.

[Learningtoletgo]

Personally I'd be really happy! Two reasons too celebrate.

I think the whole wedding 'your day' vibe has got out of hand and is kind of missing the point. Marriage is about joining two lives, making a long term commitment and creating a new branch of the family. It's not about being a princess for a day and you get everything your own way.

I think you're first instinct was right don't let other people's opinion's influence you.