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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free wedding

73 replies

mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 10:14

had an invite to a wedding of one of dh relatives in with a Xmas card. It didn't specify who was invited so checked with groom he clarified no kids invited. Not a problem.
Dh updated sil about this. She had planned to bring her son. She now is going to ask the bride about the child free rule.
Aibu in thinking she shouldn't do this? Groom has said no kids except their own. Sil is wanting to circumnavigate this by asking bride thus putting bride and groom in awkward position.
I am cross that she is doing this! Accept that they do not want kids there! NB it is not a childcare issue as her dh won't be going they live abroad and it would be too costly for them all to go. So sometimes when an event she just brings one of her children they take it in turns. They do also all come together a couple times per year.

OP posts:
Faye12345 · 05/01/2016 10:17

We had this and it made us very uncomfortable indeed but we stuck to our guns and had the wedding we want. We were clear on our invites though! Sil is being unreasonable!

TheSecondViola · 05/01/2016 10:18

Isn't it between her and them? Why are you getting involved, or indeed care?

Writerwannabe83 · 05/01/2016 10:20

I had a child free wedding but if one our guests was in a really desperate situation with childcare and couldn't attend unless they bought their child then I would try and accommodate that if possible.

Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 10:23

In what way am I 'getting involved' I am allowed to have an opinion on what sil is doing.

OP posts:
Krampus · 05/01/2016 10:24

Stay out of it.
Your husband has asked about your invitation.
Your SIL has every right to ask on her own behalf.

Hihohoho1 · 05/01/2016 10:24

Keep out if it op it's not your concern but agree with you.

We have an annual Christmas party for dhs huge family and it's lovely but one cousin always asks if she can come earlier than the invited time. No invite says 8 so no don't want you and your kids at 6!!!

Very rude.

TheSecondViola · 05/01/2016 10:42

You're inviting opinions from strangers on her conversations with her own family, you sound pretty damn involved to me.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/01/2016 10:46

It didn't specify who was invited
They are going to get a lot of calls. Just because you have clarified doesn't make you the oracle. Butt out.

stitchglitched · 05/01/2016 10:51

She is perfectly entitled to ask about her own situation, which involves travelling from abroad and possibly hoping to use it as an occasion for her child to see extended family? Anyway it's none of your business.

InitialsError · 05/01/2016 11:00

TBF, if the bride and groom didn't clarify the child-free policy in the invite, they're likely to get a lot of calls from parents wondering if their children are invited too.

It also wouldn't entirely surprise me if some parents turned up to the wedding with children because they just assumed children were included on the invite.

PurpleDaisies · 05/01/2016 11:05

It's totally fine for her to ask the bride if the invites weren't clear. I'm not sure why it is anything to do with you really.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 05/01/2016 11:08

why shouldn't she ask the bride for clarification? You generally don't take someone elses word for it until you have confirmed with the people inviting. ther eis nothing to say that she is making a fuss or trying to get her kids to go, she is just confirming the arrangements with the bride.

sooperdooper · 05/01/2016 11:11

Your DH asked the question, why shouldn't she?

If they want a child free wedding they've been really daft not to specify that on the invite - they'll be getting loads of calls, or some people might not call but turn up with kids they've assumed are invited!

NattyNatural · 05/01/2016 11:13

We done this. We had no children of our own and so we made a no kids under 5 rule. It can get very uncomfortable for the b&g when being questioned as we had distance relatives that called up my mil to ask if they can be an exception (they had 3 boys under 5) and said they couldn't go without them due to child care issues. I said not my problem and the day was not spoiled by kids shouting or getting bored in the church

NattyNatural · 05/01/2016 11:15

Sorry pressed send to soon.

So yes yanbu she is for asking. If she's been told no once why ask again?
Planning a wedding is stressful enough that you don't need pestering guests to add to the mix.

Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 11:16

Dh emailed the groom and he emailed back to say no kids. Dh forwarded the email to sil to let her know as the invites didn't specify.

Yes I expect people will not realise and will turn up with kids anyway. I m just glad we checked before booking our flights!

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2016 11:17

""I am cross that she is doing this! ""

Having a reaction of anger is getting over involved.

Your SIL is an adult and so is the Bride, a conversation between them, unless about you, shouldn't provoke a reaction.

MamaLazarou · 05/01/2016 11:18

"It's totally fine for her to ask the bride if the invites weren't clear. I'm not sure why it is anything to do with you really."

My thoughts exactly. YABU.

WickedWax · 05/01/2016 11:19

Stay out of it. It's none of your business.

You asked about your own invite, SIL can do the same.

The bride and groom will probably have several of these enquiries and I'm sure they'll be well equipped to deal with them.

Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2016 11:20

""I am allowed to have an opinion on what sil is doing""

Only briefly, in your own head, you really do need to learn to MYOB.

Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 11:21

I am cross that she won't just accept that her kids are not invited but is raising the issue with the bride. Having already seen the email from the groom saying no kids. It puts the bride in an awkward position and I think that is unreasonable.

But accept maybe it's fine to hope for a different answer than the groom gave!

OP posts:
Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 11:23

Yes my opinion is only in my own head. I won't be discussing it with sil we have a very good relationship.

OP posts:
InitialsError · 05/01/2016 11:24

How does it put the bride in an awkward position? The bride surely doesn't know that your DH has been forwarding on the "don't bring kids" e-mail?

The bride has put herself in an awkward position by not specifying it was a child free wedding on the invitations.

Faye12345 · 05/01/2016 11:24

Agree with error though they should have made it clear on invited

MoMoTy · 05/01/2016 11:25

You being cross is so pointless. It's her situation. Why allow yourself to be angry over something that's not your business.

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