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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free wedding

73 replies

mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 10:14

had an invite to a wedding of one of dh relatives in with a Xmas card. It didn't specify who was invited so checked with groom he clarified no kids invited. Not a problem.
Dh updated sil about this. She had planned to bring her son. She now is going to ask the bride about the child free rule.
Aibu in thinking she shouldn't do this? Groom has said no kids except their own. Sil is wanting to circumnavigate this by asking bride thus putting bride and groom in awkward position.
I am cross that she is doing this! Accept that they do not want kids there! NB it is not a childcare issue as her dh won't be going they live abroad and it would be too costly for them all to go. So sometimes when an event she just brings one of her children they take it in turns. They do also all come together a couple times per year.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 05/01/2016 11:25

The bride and groom have put themselves in an awkward position by not specifying - it's their own fault

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/01/2016 11:27

Presume the bride will not know that your SIL has seen the email to your DH.

We have only asked once, when we were invited to a wedding a considerable distance from home, the day after a family wedding again a distance from home. DD was with us for the family wedding and we would not have been able to then leave her anywhere to shoot across the country to the other wedding. We asked, she came with us. There was one other child of a similar age who was related to the bride - they danced together. All was well.

Maybe your SIL will get a different answer to your DH.

looks forward to that thread

LineyReborn · 05/01/2016 11:27

Odd invitations.

ItsANewDayToday · 05/01/2016 11:27

Lol Birds. You sound over involved in this thread. Confused. Surely, its ok for the OP to have an opinion on this as long as she keeps it to herself - which she has.

I have opinions on all sorts of things. I think it's called 'judging' Wink. Doesn't everyone?

OP. I actually think it's ok for your SIL to ask as long as she is happy and gracious to be turned down. Hopefully the bride and groom will feel comfortable saying no to the DC if that's what they prefer.

Epilepsyhelp · 05/01/2016 11:28

I don't think she's in the wrong but then I don't really understand child free weddings. Ours had a lot of babies/toddlers and having watched a couple of friends videos of the ceremony they were definitely chattering/giggling etc in the service but I can honestly say I did not hear a bit of it on the day as I was just so wrapped up in what was going on. Anyway not the point of the thread so I'll shut up!

EssentialHummus · 05/01/2016 11:51

They are idiots not to specify "no children" on the invitation - people will either turn up with children who then have to be accommodated somehow or, even better, guests will make travel arrangements for whole families before word gets round.

I know it's the bride and groom's big day (yadda yadda), but given that the B&G themselves have children - who are attending the wedding - this policy just seems to inflict unnecessary pain on guests.

Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 11:51

Meh, I think I am allowed a private opinion without it being called 'getting involved'. I also have opinions on the government but don't consider myself to be 'involved' in running the country

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2016 11:52

No, ItsANew, I'm just commenting on an Internet Forum, just like you are.

OnTheSunnySide · 05/01/2016 11:52

not your business. But yes it's rude.

ItsANewDayToday · 05/01/2016 11:53

Yeah but I'm not making snarky comments about the OP being over involved am I ?

Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 05/01/2016 11:59

Consensus is that I shouldn't give a hoot what sil does so I accept iabu in this case. Thanks for the perspective. I will get thread deleted in case sil or bride are in mn.

OP posts:
squoosh · 05/01/2016 12:02

Someone on a recent thread said they'd cut all contact with a friend who didn't invite their sproglings to their wedding.

Made me laugh.

Made them sound like a loon.

PurpleDaisies · 05/01/2016 12:02

Since when did getting threads deleted become a thing? I didn't think Mnhq just got rid of threads on the op's whim?

littlemermaid80 · 05/01/2016 12:11

Don't be cross about it, it's not your problem to worry over. Either the bride will make an exception and allow the son to come, or they'll stick to their guns and say no.
Their wedding, their rules though at the end of the day.

lazyarse123 · 07/01/2016 12:37

I don't know if this is an age thing (i am over 50), and i really don't get the no kids at wedding thing, so it would not occur to me to ask, but it is up to your sil to find out for herself.

scarlets · 07/01/2016 17:55

They can specify "no children" if they want, it's their choice....but if it's no specified on the invitation it will cause confusion! They should send out a "to-all" email to clarify.

They may opt to make exceptions for some, including those travelling from overseas. Again, their decision.

witsender · 07/01/2016 17:59

How old is the child?

hedgehogsdontbite · 07/01/2016 18:17

Maybe she knows the bride and groom better than you do so wants to double check. My DH emailed out clear directions to the church to our guests, unfortunately it was the wrong church.

krankykitty · 07/01/2016 18:23

Why on earth would someone assume somebody had been invited to a wedding when their name isn't on the invitation?

witsender · 07/01/2016 18:28

A lot hinges on the age of the child tbh.

Headofthehive55 · 07/01/2016 18:58

it would seem far kinder to recognise they are coming from abroad and allow a child as it gives another opportunity for the child to see their family?

Perhaps also her DH needs to work and therefore said child needs to come with mother to enable the visit to take place. If it's important to the couple that she attend.

Fluffy24 · 07/01/2016 19:01

Only on MN would so many people express an opinion that someone else shouldn't express an opinion about someone else...Hmm

BogusCatAndThePunk · 07/01/2016 19:05

What Fluffy said…😉

Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 07/01/2016 19:08

There were no names on the invitations.
The husband does not need to work he will be looking after the other kids.
It would be nice for the child to come yes. As indeed it would for any of the other kids who would like to come.
But the groom has said he doesn't want any kids there.
So his wish would surely trump the wish of any kids to attend.

OP posts:
Original poster
mouldycheesefan · 07/01/2016 19:09

Child will be visiting this country three other times during the year. This is not the only opportunity to see family.

OP posts: