For not wanting to force 17 year old to holiday with us?

[SnotBagMaterial]

DH and I are about to book a holiday for us and our children - 5 nights in New York.

'Our' children are my 15 year old, my 17 year old, his 19 year old and his 20 year old.

However, my 17 year old said he doesn't want to go. For one thing he doesn't want to go on a 10 hour flight there and back for the sake of 5 days and secondly, he doesn't want to spend 5 days with the other boys. He and his youngest brother don't get on and he dislikes the 20 year old. He says he much would prefer to get £100 or so to do things with his mates here.

I think he should be allowed the option plus - he's not much fun on holiday anyway and tends to moan and complain about everything so on selfish grounds - the holiday would be easier without him!

dH thinks I should force him to come with us.

AIBU to allow him to stay home if he wants to? He's mature and capable of looking after himself do that isn't the issue.

I've just had this with my 15 year old.

He really didn't want to come away with us this New Year. I found it quite sad. (Admittedly it was a walking holiday not 5 days in New York!)

I sent him to a relative.

No need to for the "WTF"'s at me either

I would not trust a 17yo not to be advertising "Open Houuuuuse!" the minute you were on the plane. Paint me cynical, but trust me, you don't want to learn this lesson the hard way

You did sound funny though

Loving all the assumptions and stereotypes about teenagers.

Anyfucker again that depends on the 17 year old again. My DS did have his friends in but funnily enough he respected us by not trashing the place.

I stopped going on family holidays at 16....when I was 17 my mum went on a 2 week cruise and left me at home alone (I was revising for a levels)... she left me a fridge and freezer full of food and some emergency money, but since I had a part time job and college to go to, I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary for those 2 weeks.

Yanbu to leave him.
Yabu to leave him with a large amount of money. That seems asking for trouble.

Food for a week, topped up phone, number for a relative.
A few treat foods and possibly cinema vouchers or such.

Of course it does, but Op asked for opinions. right ?

If she trusts her son, that is up to her.

My DS did have his friends in but funnily enough he respected us by not trashing the place.

I think that it is often not the family teen that is the problem but when friends invite friends who invite friends...

Turkey in the very unlikely event that had happened my DS wouldn't have let them because again he respects us and respects his own house. He had no "wild parties" whilst we were away. It's as if someone people have such a negative view of teenagers that they expect this to happen.

Laguna, people are speaking from experience just like you are. It's very rude to dismiss that.

Yep - my dd1 wouldn't voluntarily trash the house, any more than she usually does with untidiness. Nor would her friends. But I know the exact path that Twitter messages might travel to make it dubious that we'd be left with a house at all. That's why I'd warn her - not because I don't trust her personally. She doesn't even drink.

Why does your DP think he should be made to come?

I wouldn't force him but I wouldn't give him money to stay at home either, just enough for living expenses.

What exactly is it I'm dismissing?

I don't have a negative view of teenagers. My 17 year old is sensible and well behaved. I know that some of his friends are sensible and well behaved. I know that a handful are not. I know that there are a lot more I know nothing about.

I wouldn't be confident of my teen being able to stop groups of people coming into the house or having the ability to deal with that situation.

It's like when I wear a seatbelt on in a car (legalities aside :)) - it's not because I expect there to be an accident, it is being prepared for the possibility.

You are saying that anybody who has had a bad experience with leaving a teenager at home alone is automatically dissing all teenagers, laguna. That is not the case. All anyone can do when responding to a thread is use their lived experience which tends to form opinion. You seem to have a problem with that.

Everyone makes their own decisions based on their own risk assessments.

I'm sure the parents of the teens who have houses wrecked by gatecrashers that you see in the news from time to time think they made the right decision.

My house wasn't in the news. But it still happened.

No I'm not saying that. You ha e misinterpreted that.

Oh, I love that ad

you seem to have a problem with that

No, again where have I said that?

Its all dependant on the teenager, surely? I let my then nearly 17 year old stay home last year as he had just started an apprenticeship and couldn't get the time off. Our holiday was already booked and payed for, we were away a week and when I came home the house was cleaner than when I left it!!! I left him meals sorted and extra cash (although tbf he has a healthier bank balance than me). I was comfortable doing this, I'm not sure I will be his younger brothe.