For not wanting to force 17 year old to holiday with us?

[SnotBagMaterial]

DH and I are about to book a holiday for us and our children - 5 nights in New York.

'Our' children are my 15 year old, my 17 year old, his 19 year old and his 20 year old.

However, my 17 year old said he doesn't want to go. For one thing he doesn't want to go on a 10 hour flight there and back for the sake of 5 days and secondly, he doesn't want to spend 5 days with the other boys. He and his youngest brother don't get on and he dislikes the 20 year old. He says he much would prefer to get £100 or so to do things with his mates here.

I think he should be allowed the option plus - he's not much fun on holiday anyway and tends to moan and complain about everything so on selfish grounds - the holiday would be easier without him!

dH thinks I should force him to come with us.

AIBU to allow him to stay home if he wants to? He's mature and capable of looking after himself do that isn't the issue.

I wouldn't make a 17 year old go on holiday if he doesn't want to. It's only 5 days. Set down some house rules before you go and consequences if they are broken.

YANBU. He is almost an adult. As for whoever said "check the law" he's 17! It's hardly Home Alone is it!?

I would leave him without hesitation

If a 17 year old is left home whilst his parents are on holiday abroad, and say has a party where someone is knifed and hurt/killed, or he slips in the bath, bangs his head and drowns....are the parents held responsible or accountable? Genuine question btw. I would have thought they would be brcause 17 is still a minor, but I have to say that I don't know.

If he's sensible he'll be fine. Assuming that he is, he's being more mature than your DH. He's accepted that he's a moany little git and he's volunteered not to spoil your holiday.

Stock the freezer and give him some spending money - I don't see why not, you'd treat him if he was coming with you.

YANBU. There's nothing enjoyable about holidaying with a grumpy teen who'd rather be at home.

I wouldn't force my 17 yr old to go. Mine does want to come with us to NYC, but is refusing to go on our annual visit across the water to dh's family. I'd be happy to leave her on her own, but would make sure she knew that a family member/neighbour would be 'keeping an eye'. There'd also be rules about not broadcasting it on social media. That's just in theory, though, as I'm using it as an excuse so that I don't have to visit dh's grumpy Auntie either .

(Re. the money - I'd leave her some emergency cash, but not loads, and would leave her pre-cooked meals as otherwise she wouldn't eat.)

it depends on your kid, i would have left me at home safe in the knowledge the house would be unscathed (boring fart who hated everyone) but not my sister (loads of friends loves everyone, would def have had a party).

So only you know if he is safe to leave at home or needs to go to relatives.

Throughthickandthin, if someone is knifed then the only person who would be responsible is the person who carried out the assault.

There's a difference between leaving him alone, and leaving him alone in your house (with booze money). A hell of a difference.

Thanks Laguna

Save the money and let him opt out. I would point out that he is missing out on a fab trip (take me instead?).

You know your Son, if you are happy that he is ok left at home then do that.

"If a 17 year old is left home whilst his parents are on holiday abroad, and say has a party where someone is knifed and hurt/killed, or he slips in the bath, bangs his head and drowns....are the parents held responsible or accountable?"

Of course not.

Some of the responses here have left me

My parents left me at home for holidays long before I was 17, and I was absolutely fine!

My DDs will be given the choice from 16 to come if they want, or stay home and dog sit.

If they want to come post education, they'll be expected to contribute to their costs too, just as I was.

Floggingmolly it's his house to, what do you see the difference as? I don't get this "booze money" and the assumption that's what he would spend it on, that's if he can find someone else to buy him it in the first place.

tiggy the law treats 17 year olds sometimes as minors I.e. They can't vote; they can't buy an alcoholic drink; they need parental permission to marry (England)

I wouldn't force him to come but I wouldn't be paying him to stay at home either.

that's if he can find someone else to buy him it in the first place.

I doubt it would be hard to find an 18 year old friend to buy it for him.

Some years ago we all went on a holiday of lifetime to Florida but my 17yr old couldn't go as he had joined the parachute regiment and was jumping out of aeroplanes . The last thing we were worried about was him slipping in the bath and banging he's head lol.

Just a general discussion Nancy, no need to be rude with your lol at me

He's not really the kind of kid that would have wild parties to be honest, he's been left before and MIL would probably offer to pop in and keep a presence - although I really don't feel it necessary. He'll be almost 18