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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike seeing men forcing kisses on children

71 replies

whenwomenruletheworld · 03/01/2016 13:33

At recent family event I saw 2 men saying hello and goodbye to the say 8-10 year old daughters of another guest. One girl in particular clearly didn't want a kiss on the cheek. Man 1 did so anyway picking her up so she had no choice. Man 2 possibly after observing this just waved and smiled. Why do some people think they can just pick a child up like that?

OP posts:
BanningTheWordNaice · 03/01/2016 13:34

I dislike anyone of any sex doing it.

PuntasticUsername · 03/01/2016 13:34

YANBU. I hate that sort of thing. So many unhealthy messages!

Chippednailvarnish · 03/01/2016 13:34

So your okay with Women doing it?

Trills · 03/01/2016 13:35

I find it's ladies who do more "give auntie a kiss" than men.

maketheworldgoaway · 03/01/2016 13:35

Just men?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/01/2016 13:35

I'm sure I would single out men in particular. A lot of dc find being kissed by anyone mortifying.

DyslexicScientist · 03/01/2016 13:35

Biscuit you sound sexist.

SuperCee7 · 03/01/2016 13:35

Why men specifically? Surely it should apply to any man or woman givin anyone, not just children, unwanted attention?

I think children specifically need to know they shouldn't be kissed or cuddled or forced to give kisses or cuddles if they aren't comfortable with it though.

SoapandGloryisDivine · 03/01/2016 13:36

Why just men? Hmm

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 03/01/2016 13:36

The sex of the adult or the child is irrelevant, nobody should have to kiss or be kissed by someone if they don't want to.

AliceInUnderpants · 03/01/2016 13:37

I dislike anyone forcing children to show affection in that way. I ask my nieces/nephew/goddaughter/friends kids for a kiss or cuddle, but if they don't want to, that's okay!

Trills · 03/01/2016 13:38

There is an interesting and sensible discussion to be had here.

How do we help children to have a good sense of bodily autonomy while also being "polite"? Should they never have to touch anyone if they don't want to? Or do we think that young children don't always get to choose what they want to do?

To what extent is the conditioning to "be nice" to people who are doing things you don't like detrimental in later life? Does it make it harder for adults to say "I don't like that, please stop"?

Unfortunately your specification of "men" in your title is a bit distracting.

glentherednosedbattleostrich · 03/01/2016 13:38

My daughter had been taught she can say no to physical contact from anyone as she chooses. And my mil is the worst for 'stealing' kisses and cuddles.

InTheBox · 03/01/2016 13:40

Why just men? That's a very sexist attitude to have. I don't think members of either sex should foist themselves on a child who doesn't want to be kissed or cuddled.

PolaDeVeboise · 03/01/2016 13:41

My mother drives me mad by expecting kisses in return for sweet treats or other gifts she buys for them. I have always told my two DS that it's their body and entirely up to them who touches it.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/01/2016 13:46

Perhaps the op only observed these two men doing it on the occasion she is talking about as opposed to anything massively sexist

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2016 13:54

I don't even get why you mentioned 'man 2', since he didn't do anything wrong? Confused

Either way, it's a weird and sexist thread to start.

InTheBox · 03/01/2016 13:58

NeedsAsockamnesty Then the OP should have phrased the thread title accordingly, i.e. "AIBU to think this man shouldn't have forced a kiss on this child". Further to this, the second man didn't do anything so why that's relevant is anyone's guess but the thread is massively sexist and provocative.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/01/2016 14:06

I think the clue to the way the op wants the thread to go is kind of in her username.

chelle792 · 03/01/2016 14:10

ugh, it's weird. Why should anyone force a kiss on anyone else? My kid cousin is 8. She doesn't know my husband that well because I only introduced him to the family about 6 months before the wedding. She always gets the choice of kiss, cuddle or high five with him. She always chooses the high five. She shouldn't have to have physical contact with anyone, let alone a man she doesn't know well

mrsfuzzy · 03/01/2016 14:10

i think op was a bit clumsy with the wording on their post, nothing more than that. everyone has the right to say no to being touched in any way they don't like.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2016 14:16

Sometimes my DGC don't want to kiss me goodbye. I always argue with their parents when they insist on it.

If they don't want to, as long as they're polite about saying goodbye, I'm quite happy.

Tabsicle · 03/01/2016 14:20

I really dislike anyone forcing physical contact on children. I think it sets a lot of awful precedents for bodily autonomy and shouldn't happen.

Agreed that it should be the same rule for both genders.

Ughnotagain · 03/01/2016 14:22

Children should never have to hug, kiss, cuddle anyone if they don't want to. Hugging and kissing should never have any link with politeness. I'm a firm believer in letting children have that sort of bodily autonomy right from the start. Nobody should ever have to feel they have to show physical affection to be seen as a nice person.

That said, OP, YABU if you only dislike seeing men do it. It's out of order whoever does it.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2016 14:23

If anything I'd say I've observed women doing this far more than men over the years, now I come to think of it Confused

Either way, I agree with ThroughThickAndThin01 about the OP's probable intention.