To dislike seeing men forcing kisses on children

[whenwomenruletheworld]

At recent family event I saw 2 men saying hello and goodbye to the say 8-10 year old daughters of another guest. One girl in particular clearly didn't want a kiss on the cheek. Man 1 did so anyway picking her up so she had no choice. Man 2 possibly after observing this just waved and smiled. Why do some people think they can just pick a child up like that?

I dislike this, regardless of wether it's a man or a woman doing it. Both equally wrong and I would agree with pps who say women do it far more often.

Definitely in my family and social circle it's something the women do more than men.

Not sure why OP is singling out men or indeed 'man 2' who did absolutely nothing wrong but still got a random mention.

I dislike either sex doing it.

Oh wait I've just seen the OP's username.

That username is likely to belong to a goady 'meninist' than a feminist. I've noticed this tactic a lot lately. This one appears to have backfired though! Oops, try again.

My experience is that men are often so aware of being seen in the wrong way that they are careful to avoid physical contact especially with young girls.

Of course man 1 was inappropriate. The other man did nothing wrong, he so the child didn't want physical contact so waved and smiled. But it would be equally inappropriate regardless of the gender.

They've not had the training that you would have had as a teacher When. They don't respect or value the child as much as they should.

I find anyone forcing any unnecessary close contact on anyone distasteful, to be honest.

I think it's women more than men that do this.

Any thoughts on the replies so far, OP?

Well just logged back in. Yes of course children should be equally entitled to choosing or not choosing touch from both sexed, but I do think there is a bigger issue when it is an adult man and a child of either sex,but particularly a girl. Some men have simply not been taught to think about this at all and given the importance of teaching young women in particular about consent this is where I was going with this

I don't agree it's a bigger issue when it's an 'adult man'.

Personal space and boundaries should be respected by everyone.

And equally some women have not been taught to think about this when it comes to kissing children, because quite frankly I've seen far more children uncomfortably wiping kisses of their cheeks from women.

Even as a child, my aunts and granny would be far more likely to chase me around wanting a kiss at home time, than my uncles or grandad.

teaching young women in particular about consent

What about teaching young men about consent?

It's not a bigger issue. It's not even a matter of being a sexual thing. The issue is consent and lack of consent is equally problematic, whoever is involved.

Doesn't anyone, of whatever gender, need to appreciate boundaries, consent etc.?

Jesus, the one time you decide to err on the side of caution!

Not sexist in the slightest this title? I used to hate being forced to "give Granny a kiss". My son once had us in hysterics when we asked why he didn't like giving auntie x a kiss (he doesn't mind others) and he told us her whiskers tickle his chin.

My Gran had a chin like barbed wire

Bless her.

I had KISS forced on me over chirstmas.....

. I post that every time this comes up.

It works both ways. Kissing male children when they don't want is just as bad. In terms of their bodily autonomy and in terms of them learning that bigger, stronger people don't get to force affection on smaller people for future reference.

OP, there have been a couple of discussions about this in Feminism Chat, if you're interested...

Op quite frankly you are talking rubbish.

It damaging and not ok regardless.

Boys have a right to personal space. Girls have a right to it.

Since many posters have said that it's something they notice women do more, then clearly women doing to it all children needs looking at. It seems to be more of a problem that adult women don't respect this boundry

This used to happen to me as a kid with one of my mum and dad's friends. They used to think it was funny as he chased me around but I didn't find it funny at all. I have some issues with being kissed / hugged that followed be until adulthood. Not sure it was caused by the friend but it no doubt contributed to it.

Never mind kids, my FIL does it to ME

I was nodding along to all the mentions of teaching boundaries, bodily autonomy, etc, when it struck me--I "force" kisses and cuddles in my children all the time. But, I think it's different, now I'm not so sure.

For example when my son (10) is upset and I try to pull him in for a hug. Sometimes he resists (I think because he doesn't know what he wants) and I have been known to pull him harder and embrace him, then he slumps into me and hugs back.

Or sometimes my daughter (9) will be grumpy and I'll play a game where I sneak kisses on her neck or arms until she giggles.

To be honest I haven't the ought twice about this. Generally, if they really don't want physical comfort I feel that I can tell, and back off accordingly. Now I'm wondering if I should cut it out altogether.

For the record, we are a very tactile family (which I like, as human touch can be so meaningful and comforting), but we don't force them to kiss/cuddle others, even close relatives. Hmm...