to think rudeness in children isn't cute

[mommy2ash]

My family seem to find it hilarious that a young relative has developed what they call a sassy attitude. Said child is almost three and today was the first time I have witnessed this myself. She will put her hand up and say that's enough I'm not listening to you any more, shut up, don't talk to me anymore roll her eyes when you are speaking to her etc. she isn't even 3 yet. I found it very hard to watch especially as everyone was laughing and egging her on. What happens when she is too old for this to be cute anymore and the poor child doesn't know any better. I babysit for this relative quite often and feel like I will have to start declining if I am to be expected to be spoken to like that by a toddler.

Do how should a 3 year old express their disinterest in continuing a conversation with you - or should they be obligated to simply because they are unable to leave by themselves - as any adult would in a similar situation where they no longer wish to carry on conversing.

YANBU! This is not cute! You do not have to babysit under these rules, although babysitting under your rules may benefit the child, if you are able to do so!

Ukmm - sorry - I'm planning to leave my DH - not relevant to the the thread really - my apologies

The thing is though, being nice as an adult has got me fucking nowhere. I don't think being an arse limits you as a person ..

No it's not cute in real life. Slightly on YouTube just because they are obviously coping an adult - and this is embarrassing, but not cute in someone you are babysitting. I think even 3 year olds can pick up on who they can do this for, and you can say that she can't speak to you like that.

Fred the child wasn't trying to get out of a long conversation she was trying to get out of being told what to do by an adult. When she didn't like being told what to do her response was to tell the adult she wasn't listening to them or the adult should shut up or stop talking. My dd is older so I've been around my fair share of kids and have never noticed this kind of behaviour before. I either have been lucky to encounter only very polite kids or this behaviour is outside of the norm.

You babysit quite often, yet this is the first time you've witnessed the problem?

I think YABU to get all het up, threaten to stop babysitting and post on MN on the basis of one occasion.

My dds friend is like this, answers back to her mum and the phrases she uses are clearly adult phrases.

Poor child, she is being done no favours, being encouraged in that type of behaviour.

So that's even more of a different slant on things, why should this child be "told what to do" - do you expect all adults to have authority over a child? What exactly were they being told what to do? And you said the family were "egging them on" - which family - the parents, ie those who should have the ability to tell them what to do. In which case it's not rudeness, it's a family game.

Maybe the kid is rude, maybe the kid is just enjoying a game played in the family, and is perfectly aware how to behave in other situations.

If it bothers you, don't baby sit, you have no obligation to.

The attitude that all adults have dominion over a 3 year old, it not a lesson I would want her to learn.

All I can remember about 3 yos trying to stop a conversation is an abrupt change of topic or the child getting up and dancing or running away or showing off some toy. Actually, ime most 3 yos do not have conversations as such, just disjointed banter with people who try to engage them. You get a series of non sequiturs if the child doesn't understand what you are talking about or doesn't feel like chatting along your preferred lines.

I agree with PPs that this child has learned the rude phrases she has been using from someone else or maybe from tv. It's not the natural way 3 yos express themselves.

Just me who's a bit 'WTAF?' vis Freds posts?

I worked with a teacher (who many years previous was my teacher at infant school) who said to always remember that something that is 'cute' at 3/4/5 will be rude at 8/9/10. Teach them from the start it is rude and it won't be a problem, laugh and let them get away with it as 'cute' and you will have to deal with it forever. I think she made a great point. YANBU. Lots of children go through it, but you correct and model the right behaviour. Telling someone to shut up or I am not listening to you etc is rude, child or adult.

Three year olds often need instruction, Fred. They are not old enough or experienced enough to decide for themselves some of the time what they should do.

It is hard for 3 yos to distinguish a game at home from acceptable behaviour outside the home. It is also hard for 3 yos to distinguish a game from reality when it is really important for them to do what they are asked to do -- parents who make a game of refusal to co-operate may find themselves dealing with a child who can't understand why it is funny one day to refuse but the parent gets angry the next when they are late for a train because the child won't put on her coat and seems to expect laughter to follow her 'talk to the hand' schtick.

Three year olds don't even know how to wind down from a little horseplay without help.

No, me too Ladystoic.

So Fredfred do you think adults should not tell a three year old what to do and that they should not learn that sometimes they have to do things they do not want to? I don't understand what you are getting at?

No, not just you, LadyStoic..

No. Obviously a three year old child cannot regulate and understand their behaviour. I'm pretty sure the grown ups can though.

YANBU my four year old nephew is a total brat with this kind of attitude. He speaks to any adult at home like they're a piece of shit on his shoe, his parents don't reprimand him (I fear they don't actually know how to deal with it or too lazy to bother pulling him up). Needless to say we visit very sporadically with our DD as she idolizes him and everything he does

LadyStoicIsBack

There's probably quite a few of us think the same as you.

You want to know what happens when they are older, well their parents ring social services and ask them to be put in care as they cant cope with their disrespectful attitude and refusal to abide by their more that fair rules. They will then go on to say that they have no idea where this came from as their child was so lovely in younger years. What's cute now isn't so attractive on a 13/14 year old. You cant blame the child either as children are highly attuned to adult attention and if this behaviour is being encouraged with a full on audience and lots of humorous appreciation how is she supposed to react when one day the same adults tell her its not on and they don't like it, so she has to stop it.

I'm looking forward to seeing fredfred back on here in however many years time when his/her kids reach teenage years.

Or, to meet their teachers.

Has Fredfred been smokin' something special?

You are right it is an over reaction to say I will stop babysitting and it's something I really didn't mean. I'm very close to this little girl and wouldn't stop seeing her because of a difference of opinion between the adults in her life that would be beyond selfish of me. I have heard of her acting like this from others but I'm quite strict and she usually is very well behaved for me so I was a bit shocked to see it first hand. The examples I'm giving don't really get across the sense of rudeness it was more in the attitude than the words and was very unlike her. All kids go through phases bit my issue is more with the adults. If she thinks this is a good way to get some attention it's likely to continue

it can be funny, but one does not encourage it and if funny for goodness sake do not laugh in front of the child.