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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why would someone replace my loo brush with a new one?

84 replies

FlameProofBoots · 29/12/2015 13:02

I 'hosted' Christmas this year which actually meant my mother an sister used my (larger) house to host the day. They did all the cooking and my mother did lots of bits of cleaning on Christmas Eve while they were prepping the food, to 'bring it up to standard'. She deep cleaned the inside of my fridge and I assume cleaned the downstairs loo as she was in there for ages.

Anyway, I assume she found my loo brush lacking as she has swapped my green (which matches the decor) one for a nasty cheap plastic black one. And hasn't said a word to me about it.

I had specifically cleaned the whole house before their arrival and said to my mum not to do any cleaning because me and dh find it upsetting.

I absolutely promise we do not live in squalor. It's just that my mum has ridiculous standards. I can't imagine how the loo could have been any cleaner than how I'd left it though.

What's pissed me off the most though is that she must have planned to chuck my loo brush, hence bringing a new one with her. My loo brush was barely used as I prefer to use a cloth, dh prefers a brush though. It was only a couple of months old.

AIBU to be incredibly upset and offended by this? I'm mortified actually and need to bring it up with her but she will just turn it around on me and say the old one was minging and I'm a slattern.

OP posts:

TheFlyingFauxPas · 29/12/2015 16:40

She WBU for replacing it. YABU for having a toilet brush in the 1st place.

Coldlightofday · 29/12/2015 17:22

OP, go to her house, steal her loo brush and replace it with her toothbrush.

ADishBestEatenCold · 29/12/2015 18:00

"Ask her about it."

"Have you actually asked her?"

"Give her a call and mention it in a jokey way."

"Why don't you just ask what she has done with your teal loo brush and give her back her Morticia Adams version?"

"Just ask her? I never get these threads, if my mum threw out my loo brush I'd just say mum what the fuck happened to my bog brush because it's gone and you are the only one that's cleaned and now there is some pig fuck ugly one in it's place?"

"I would ask her what she did with my loo brush though."

"Well the only way to find out why is to ask the person who did it! Ask her where it is & if she has chucked it tell her to replace it!"

"Ask her if she's seen your toilet brush as you'd sellotaped your winning lottery ticket for 3.5 million to it to hide it from robbers till you could go and claim it."

"Yes just ask her! Because I need to know."

"OP- just ask your mum what the hell she was playing at."

Please, OP .... ask her!

MintyBojingles · 29/12/2015 18:10

Crikey, if my mum turned up and deep cleaned my house l'd be happy. Who honestly cares about a loo brush?

Original poster

FlameProofBoots · 29/12/2015 18:16

It's insulting. The only thing I was allowed to provide at Christmas was the house, and that wasn't good enough.

I can't ask her, I'd be too mortified. Her answer would be that mine was FILTHY and I should be ashamed. I've been down that route before.

OP posts:

xmasseason · 29/12/2015 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyBojingles · 29/12/2015 18:26

Right, so more backstory than just the cleaning? Sounds complicated

ADishBestEatenCold · 29/12/2015 18:27

"I can't ask her"

BurningBridges · 29/12/2015 18:33

Why is this about a loo brush when in fact the real issue is that OP let her mum and sister have her house - why? Why would you do that? Either they host at their own houses or they fuck the fuck off. Far bigger problems here than a loo brush.

Chopz · 29/12/2015 18:37

Just return her loo brush saying that someone left a cheap bush in your loo and it's awful

Original poster

FlameProofBoots · 29/12/2015 18:39

I have MH issues which mean I am tired all the time due to poxy medication (and four stone overweight). My sister left her husband earlier this year and my brother, who lives with my mum, has gone nc with her (exBIL is his best friend). My sister has hosted Christmas for years (not for us, we've always done it here and had the ILs) but doesn't have room in her new house. My brother said she's not allowed over the threshold of 'his' house on Christmas Day so to keep the peace I offered my house so my parents and my sister and her dc could spend the day together as they always have.

It turned into them cleaning my house and doing all the prep and cooking, all I did was the turkey and ham. I've been feeling a bit fragile about the whole thing ever since and the loo brush thing has been festering, dh noticed today and asked me about it.

It just feels like a total dismissal of my contribution, that my part was so lacking they had to actually replace things in my house without telling me.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 29/12/2015 18:54

" telling me about the time her MIL performed an impromptu clean of her BEDROOM.

The nipple clamps and the dildo had been moved from under her son's side of the bed"

Am I the only one who would like this explaining??

Op I get you. My mum is guilty of a very minor version of this (sure she's checked for dust) but this was going too far and my mum stays on the right side of neurotically normal. They weren't even staying, so presumably could have restricted themselves to a couple of wees on your "filthy" toilet.

Coldlightofday · 29/12/2015 18:54

Oh, love - this is much wider than the loo brush. I'm sorry for my flippant contribution.

If you can't speak to your mum about it, about the real reason for your upset, then all you can do is gather your strength and vow to only have people who you love and who love you around next Christmas.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 29/12/2015 19:02

My mum sounds just like yours. We had a huge argument about her cleaning my house in the end. She told me my house was disgusting. It isn't, I've conducted a poll of close friends. It's certainly not up to her standards - because she does nothing else but clean - but it's certainly not disgusting. She would also rearrange stuff and throw stuff away, such as my primary grater.

Anyway, I'm having therapy to help me handle her and it's working well so far. I'm even starting to enjoy her company occasionally too!

WowOoo · 29/12/2015 19:03

I'd have to have it out with them. As in 'how dare you throw way my stuff from my home when I've welcomed you here you cheeky, horrible bully.' That kind of thing.

How can you not want to ask her? I'm sorry because I don't understand - I mostly got on well with my mum. What she did is rude but you'll never feel better unless you stand up for yourself. Write it down if you can't face her.

CwtchMeQuick · 29/12/2015 19:06

My grandparents do this. It used to make me really angry, still does actually. But now I just roll with it. My grandad particularly likes cleaning grill pans so I leave it out for him must invite them round actually my house is a mess

Anyway, I think you should pop round to your moms with the loo brush and switch it with one of hers

Gottagetmoving · 29/12/2015 19:16

You must know what your mother is like. You were daft to let her host Christmas in your house.
She obviously wanted everything up to her standard so thought she had the right to spruce it up for her hosting efforts.
Seriously though, I would be happy if someone would host Christmas at my house and if they wanted to do a good clean and buy new stuff....bonus!

DeeDee33 · 29/12/2015 19:19

Ouch OP, my sister is a bit like this though not so extreme, but it still gives me the rage. In her case she genuinely wants to help me but at the same time she genuinely believes she knows best and is right about all matters domestic. So its rrally hard to deal with as if you ask them to back off you inevitably come across as ungrateful.

I find it helps to remember there are culture s wherepeople give gifts to consolidate their powerover people. She may have no idea that it has this effect, or alternatively sje may consciously enjoy the feeling of superiotity and/ or control. But either way it saves you feeling bad about feeling pissed off.

Luckily if my sis is overstepping the msrk too much I am able to day "no please don't I'm going to do that later, no. really " - then find a less intrusive task ie one that does need doing eg peel some potatoes for later or something.

Maybe thiis was because they were "hosting " - do they have their own issues about small houses or warring children so they are actually a bit jealous that you have neither, and making themseves feel better by saying effectively to themselves "Boots may be a nice person with a nice husband and a lovely house but HAVE YOU SEEN THE STATE OF HER LOO BRUSH" just to make themselves feel better?

iwasyoungonce · 29/12/2015 19:27

Is there a chance that your mother actually did an unimaginably horrendous shit in your toilet? Could she have blocked the toilet, and in a cold sweat attacked it with your beautiful green toilet brush, to break it up into smaller pieces? When the pieces of shit finally, thankfully, glugged away, perhaps she realised with horror that she had irreparably damaged your property. As she'd had too much prosecco, she made a panicked/drunken call to a local cab firm, and offered someone £200 to bring a replacement toilet brush and pass it through the window?

This would explain why she didn't mention it (mortified) and also why she spent so long in the toilet.

diddl · 29/12/2015 19:34

Did I read that correctly-your sister isn't allowed in your mum's house because your brother says so?

So was he at your house with your sister?

rosewithoutthorns · 29/12/2015 19:36

Loo brushes make me boak. Why on earth would you use one then stick it back with shite on it? Bleach the damn toilet, job done

BitOfFun · 29/12/2015 19:45

StealthPolarBear , by son I meant the MIL's son, ie my friend's husband.

StealthPolarBear · 29/12/2015 19:48

Ahhhh
Thank you
pheew

Original poster

FlameProofBoots · 29/12/2015 20:04

No, my brother went to my other sister's.

OP posts:

ENTirelyTrimmedUpForChristmas · 29/12/2015 21:26

FPB you were doing a kind thing.

Your mother and sister were extremely ungracious. That is no reflection on you.

I understand totally about liking to have things just-so to my own preferred way of doing things, but to change anything in someone else's house is rude and also hurtful.

I would point these things out to your mother and sister when you next have the chance and also hand back the cheap as chips toilet brush telling them you demand yours is replaced properly.

Don't invite any drama, upset or argument, just assert yourself as you're more than entitled to do.

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