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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not understand why I should be putting my baby on solids?

87 replies

mrsb26 · 27/12/2015 18:46

I seem to be constantly faced with people either directly or indirectly telling me that I need to start giving my DD solids - she is 4.5 months old. Comments have been along the lines of, "when are you going to have some proper food?" or "she needs something more, she's hungry a lot."

Why is it that people choose to ignore current NHS guidelines in favour of ideas that were shared/practised 20-30 years ago? No, DD does not need baby rice in a bottle from 12 weeks! I don't care if that's 'what you always used to be told.'

I'm just finding continuing to breastfeed hard within a culture in which the majority appear to be laughing at me and telling me I'm not doing what I should be. I'm trying my best. I'm trying to follow recommended guidelines in conjunction with doing what I feel, as a parent, is best for my baby as an individual.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Counttheshadows · 27/12/2015 22:30

Not I'm going through the same. I'm the only one in my groups who is "delaying" feeding as they call it. I just want to snap that I'm just following guidelines and doing what I think is best for my child, but I'm trying to rise above it all at the moment!

TimeToMuskUp · 27/12/2015 22:32

YANBU, do what you think is best and ignore any well-meaning advice. I was lazy with DS2 and left it to him; he was reaching over to take food from plates by the time he was 7 months, before that he had no interest at all and would just throw stuff about if he was given solids. He managed to stay on the 97th centile for height and weight so hardly suffered for delaying solids a little.

munkisocks · 27/12/2015 22:33

Lol same here. DD is 6 months now and cannot sit unaided. She puts everything in mouth but does not eat anything I give her, just pushes it back out with tongue. Family were trying to get me to let her have Xmas dinner with us but I'm not going to push her. Had so much advice from family members who tell me they are right and I'm wrong. I just ignore them.

unimaginativename13 · 27/12/2015 22:47

Just spend Xmas defending myself everytime I made a bottle fresh, put baby on his back, in my room. And saying no I will not be giving him rusks at 8 weeks to make him sleep through.

I got a bit funny when my SIL stood by the Buffet table with DS in arms.

Shadow1986 · 27/12/2015 22:49

Just smile and say 'I'm planning on waiting a bit longer' there's no rush, you'll know when your baby is ready.

People don't stop giving annoying advice when you have a baby!

Mmmmcake123 · 27/12/2015 22:52

Unwanted parenting advice especially with your firstborn is so harsh to deal with. I am a natural worrier but was determined to follow NHS guidelines which meant I found myself defending my decisions with GPs constantly despite being tired and not needing the hassle. It was clear both sets thought I was doing a bad job, whilst my gorgeous cutie was thriving!!!

Mmmmcake123 · 27/12/2015 22:57

I have a picture of my first attempt to wean my DD, before she was ready. It's very telling, she is looking at the camera with a very clear expression of, 'what's this nonsense all about?'
I had caved in to the worry that GPs may be right but she had no interest so left it at least one month later until trying again

buddy79 · 27/12/2015 23:01

YANBU. I too had a lot of these kinds of comments - people just don't understand that guidelines CHANGE. I introduced solids at 6 mo and we have had a very easy, natural, gradual transition from bf to solids, my DS is now 13 months and eats solids really well plus has a couple of breastfeeds during the night. I'm sure that doing it at his pace has massively paid off and the whole process has felt right for us. You could try "yes it's interesting...nowadays they recommend they're a bit older..it's funny how the advice changes isn't it?"! Xx

tellmemore1982 · 28/12/2015 07:52

I have a 9m old and a 3.5y old. Looking back, I felt the same way around weaning time as you did.

However, now that I've come though the weaning phase twice I realise most people don't actually care how you do it. They are saying it because:

  • Most people are just making conversation appropriate to the milestones your baby is approaching. You'll find the same when your baby is expected to crawl, walk, talk etc.
  • Bringing up children is an enormous learning experience for everyone. By having them tell you their way, they're actually saying "I did this, I did it the hard way, and it worked". They don't actually care how / when you go about it, they're remembering what worked for them so in the same way you ask them to respect your choice, do also remember this. They're not stupid and most of them have very capably raised children who are quite capable of feeding themselves, so your challenge regards guidelines to their logic is mooted by that fact!
  • The two key points from above are that people do it differently, and all the methods / times have worked. I guarantee you no one is wandering round with an 18year old saying "If only I had waited until 6 months to wean, or if only I had done baby led". Although the guidelines say 6m, I think you can sensibly deduce that actually in the long term it doesn't make much difference.

What does make a difference is how people talk to each other. 90sforever made a particularly unhelpful comment that she didn't like people giving opinions on timing, then went on to do exactly what she was criticising others for regards method:

"Although I do know people who start rusk and milk mixed together at 6m (followed by the old fashioned slow intro into Puréed veg and Ellas kitchen meaning they only really got to try proper good about 9/10 m) which I find odd and probably not very good for baby."

What part of purée is not proper food exactly? I think you'll find the components and nutrients when made properly and not in an Ella's pouch are exactly the same as any other way of serving if not better. By terming it old fashioned, your also discounting the thousands of years of weaning which took / takes place in societies which do not have electric blenders. BLW is nothing new, and as long as baby is getting the nutrients it needs there is no bad way of doing it for baby.

You'll realise in a few months time that all kids turn out the same, no matter how or when you wean, and you'll be just as proud of your own results as the next person who did it totally differently.

aquashiv · 28/12/2015 07:57

Get used to it. For the rest of your parenting life others will give you well meaning advice. Some of it might change your mind the rest file it in the what a load of piffle file.

honkinghaddock · 28/12/2015 08:00

Blw would never have worked for my son as he didn't put anything in his mouth till he was 18 months old. Different children need different weaning methods.

ApocalypseNowt · 28/12/2015 08:18

Agree with tellmemore

Janeymoo50 · 28/12/2015 08:21

Gosh, not all babies need solids so early. Yes, years ago it was the done thing to give baby rice/rusk as soon as they hit 4 months but things have changed.

tobysmum77 · 28/12/2015 08:23

All I know is that between dd1 and 2 (2.5 years) I forgot pretty much everything about babies. As a result any advice from dm/ mil or anyone who doesn't have a baby right now is to be ignored imo.

You'll know when to wean op, I weaned one of mine at 6 months and one at 5 months (well I think anyway). The problem is that people like to think that weaning early means their baby is advanced somehow. What matters is that by 1 they are eating a varied diet not when they first have baby rice.

scrumptiouscrumpets · 28/12/2015 09:15

What tellmemore said. I'd also like to add that the societies that don't have electric blenders don't necessarily do what we would call blw, they might also chew food and spit it out for baby to eat. Purees aren't a recent invention!
I also agree that you need to get used to unsolicited advice, it's part of being a parent.

ToddlerTantrums · 28/12/2015 09:16

Ignore, everyone has an opinion when you have a baby!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 28/12/2015 09:28

Ignore them. I have 4 DC. 1 was weaned early on the advice of her pediatrician I was given the same advice with no2 (they were both prem with varuious issues in their 1st year) but he wanted nothing to do with food until 8 months. No3 started blw at 6 months which is what I'm just starting with no4.

My dad gave me a book, as a joke, for my birthday. 'The Woman's Guide to Everything' it was published in 1911 it doesn't recommend starting solids until 9 months.

magpie17 · 28/12/2015 10:11

I get this, DS is 5.5 months and everyone is banging on about when I'm going to start him on 'proper' food. I actually feel quite relaxed about the whole thing, I don't know when we'll start but I just 'know' he's not ready quite yet. I figure when he is ready I'll also 'know' that and we'll start then. Anyone giving any unsolicited 'advice' about my DS on any topic just gets a smile and nod and I do what I think is best anyway, works for me!

I am one of the only mums in my group who is happy to wait to 6 months or even longer but I figure those babies are maybe just ready a bit sooner and that's fine too. As somebody else said - when your child is 18 none of this matters so whether it's 4 months or 9 months just do what you feel is right for your specific child.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 28/12/2015 11:30

I guarantee you no one is wandering round with an 18year old saying "If only I had waited until 6 months to wean, or if only I had done baby led"

Oh I wish this were true. I know a few people who regret when they weaned, one because it had v serious consequences. Also know several adults who wish they had been weaned later.

Mostly, it doesn't matter in retrospect. Sometimes, it really does.

lostInTheWash · 28/12/2015 11:44

I had it from older family members and then at around 5 months many contemporary mothers - often introducing solids before they went back to work.

Think it part of: if you do what I did/am doing is somehow validates what I did - that crops up a lot in parenting.

I was weaned at 3 months - as was apparently normal - one of my HV said it was 6 weeks when she had DC one of DH friends had food mixed in with his milk from 4 weeks which seems mad then I met a mother at toddler group doing that as her mother insisted it was right Hmm.

There are loads of really strange things in past round weaning but I've also encountered HV who want weaning to start as early as four months and insist the guideline say this even when they didn't then insisted they must have just changedHmm.

It got really annoying with pfd between 4 and 6 months - people were much less bothered with subsequent DC.

Bunbaker · 28/12/2015 11:51

"Some babies do need food around 4 months. Milk just doesn't satisfy them."

I thought the opposite was true - the amount and type of food a 4 month old can eat doesn't contain enough calories or nutrition, so the answer is to give them more milk.

"I've weaned babies at 11 weeks, it didn't do them any harm."

How do you know? I was weaned early. I am 57 now and have IBS.

Rinceoir I hated weaning too as DD just wasn't interested. The guidelines were 4 months when DD was a baby, and I wasted so much time stressing about getting her to eat something. She wasn't really interested in food until about 18 months either.

I am staggered at the amount of ignorance around still, given that so much information is so easily accessible. I daresay I am the same age as the mothers/MILs of many of the parents posting on here and I would never question people's decisions to leave weaning until later. I might secretly judge a parent for weaning early if it was against medical advice though.

blueturtle6 · 28/12/2015 17:13

Put this in the box with you should leave her to cry. Smile and nod carry on regardless

blueturtle6 · 28/12/2015 17:16

Put this in the box with you should leave her to cry. Smile and nod carry on regardless

RufusTheReindeer · 28/12/2015 17:26

If we could just stop with the older generation comments Smile

When i had ds1 17 years ago (jan) it was 4 months which i diligently did, dd in 2001 was nearly 6 months (that child has an unusually long reach Hmm) as per guidelines, ds2 in 2003 was 6 months as per guidelines

I am 46, ive got friends my age having babies

waitingforsomething · 28/12/2015 17:40

I think people get way too worked up on this issue. Guidelines are just that, all babies are different. If ops baby is not ready Then that's fine and if someone else's 5.5 month old baby is then no problem really. There's no magic switch.
It's one of those things that will not matter in a couple of years, a bit like what kind of milk feeding you do, when your child potty trains and when they start speaking in sentences.