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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not understand why I should be putting my baby on solids?

87 replies

mrsb26 · 27/12/2015 18:46

I seem to be constantly faced with people either directly or indirectly telling me that I need to start giving my DD solids - she is 4.5 months old. Comments have been along the lines of, "when are you going to have some proper food?" or "she needs something more, she's hungry a lot."

Why is it that people choose to ignore current NHS guidelines in favour of ideas that were shared/practised 20-30 years ago? No, DD does not need baby rice in a bottle from 12 weeks! I don't care if that's 'what you always used to be told.'

I'm just finding continuing to breastfeed hard within a culture in which the majority appear to be laughing at me and telling me I'm not doing what I should be. I'm trying my best. I'm trying to follow recommended guidelines in conjunction with doing what I feel, as a parent, is best for my baby as an individual.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsb26 · 27/12/2015 19:34

Euphemia - yes, comments mostly from the older generation.

Lumela - I also get this. "Are you still breastfeeding?" "Wow." You'd think guidelines were to breastfeed for three weeks or something, anything else being a bonus.

What I find hardest is that, despite doing what has been currently recommended to be best, you still feel like nearly everyone is thinking it's not. I can't think of another situation like that Hmm

OP posts:
SisterMoonshine · 27/12/2015 19:37

My oldest is 11 and the guidelines were 6 months when she was a baby, so it's been at least since then.
And I've had the same comments as you - then, and for my youngest.
Not just from people who weaned when the guidelines were different, but also from people who think the guidelines are silly (in relation to their baby's needs) so ignored them and thought I should too.

GabiSolis · 27/12/2015 19:41

Guidelines do change and are different depending on who they are given by. Op, I'm assuming this is your first baby? Prepare yourself for hearing all sorts from all quarters. Some people will tell you not to give a scrap of solid food before six months, some will say six months on the nose, and others still will tell you not to give solids before four months but anytime after this is okay. Guidelines are not to be followed to the letter, they are just that: guidelines.

You will know when your baby is ready. Don't dismiss people who are genuinely trying to help. If they cross the line into interference then that's when you are polite but stop paying mind to the 'advice'. Still, from your OP I am assuming that this is about BFing in which case ignore all of them!

itsbetterthanabox · 27/12/2015 19:44

The people I've seen do it are often those that want their DC/dgc to be 'first' at something. So oo look already on food. Then it's they moved them from cot to bed really young too. I think people must get bored with one stage and want to move on!

shebird · 27/12/2015 19:49

These things are guidelines not a firm rule. Who's to say a baby with be ready the day they turn 6 months. You look for signs that your baby is ready and go with that. It was 4months when DD1 was little and then changed to 6months for DD2, both were ready somewhere in between.

GabiSolis · 27/12/2015 19:51

shebird - that's exactly the case with my two. Neither are worse off because of it funnily enough!

MrsDeVere · 27/12/2015 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knobblyknee · 27/12/2015 19:55

I didnt introduce solids until after 6 months, and breastfed for 18 months, so you can imagine the lectures I used to get. Wink

YANBU, people are always giving advice when you have a baby. Just smile, thank them and do it your way.

Crazypetlady · 27/12/2015 20:16

YANBU but don't be so quick to proclaim you are definitely not weaning early. I said no way and weaned at 5 months following the
paediatricians advice.

smellsofelderberries · 27/12/2015 20:42

Just ignore that 'advice'. It's crazy ride for people to be telling you what to do with your own baby, when you're clearly following current NHS advice. Why anyone would want to wean early is beyond me- it's a right royal pain in the arse!!

BertieBotts · 27/12/2015 20:53

Six weeks feels like an eternity at that stage, but that's all it is - six weeks, perhaps less, and you'll have started and the comments won't be an issue any more. At least, on this particular issue Grin

Do you have any breastfeeding support groups near you? It can be nice to get together in a group and have a bit of a shared moan and support from people who are doing the same as you :)

Crazybaglady · 27/12/2015 20:54

My dad told me to 'stop being a fucking martyr and give him a bottle' when i was still feeding my (then) 5 month old son Hmm

Amummyatlast · 27/12/2015 20:58

It doesn't stop. The other day MIL asked in an accusing way' why are you doing that? She has a good diet' when she found out we were giving DD vitamin drops. Because it's recommended by the NHS, that's why.

Chopz · 27/12/2015 21:00

Weaning guidelines changed to 6 months at least 12 years ago as DS was advised to wait longer

OpheliaMoo · 27/12/2015 21:03

We started DD at 6.5m - she was so ready it's been an easy journey so far something has to be friend on other hand started at 5 and had difficulties. Do it when you're ready

DietCokeAndChipsAndCheese · 27/12/2015 21:05

I weaned DS at 4.5 months. He was a very hungry baby and milk just wasn't enough for him, HV agreed.

I wouldn't say its right to completely disregard guidelines, but they are guidelines, not rules. From your posts it sounds like your baby is healthy and satisfied with breastmilk, don't let other people discourage you from continuing with that if you feel your little one isn't ready.

I was also told never to thicken any milk with baby rice as it increases the risk of choking? The people advising you sound misguided.

Counttheshadows · 27/12/2015 21:07

I'm having the exact same issue. People have been saying "Oh but it's Christmas! Surely she can have a little bit?" And saying she'll sleep through the night if she had solids, she should be feeding so often etc etc. It's doing my head in. All of my mum friends are weaning at 4 months too, and I'm a bit confused why when it's against the NHS and WHO guidelines. I don't say anything to them though, so why do they have to judge me?

imwithspud · 27/12/2015 21:14

I know how you feel, once baby gets to a certain age there seems to be a lot of pressure to wean early. I tend to ignore it, but it is grating when you know you're doing what's best for your baby yet everyone else seems to think they know better or that you need advice that you haven't asked for.

Rinceoir · 27/12/2015 21:15

I hated weaning. DD wouldn't eat anything- finger food, puréed, jar, pouch or from a packet until she was almost a year, and only really started to like food at 17months. I'm glad I didn't start earlier, I saved myself 2 months of worrying about her disinterest in real food.

GoldPlatedBacon · 27/12/2015 21:55

I'm finding that is actually the mums in my antenatal and baby groups who are the worst for this. My parents and PIL just accepted it when I told them that the nhs now recommends 6 months (although I did have to shout at my dad one day when he went to give 16 week old dd a spoonful of his soup).

With the mums, most were weaning by 20 weeks and I was the weird one by saying that I didn't intend to wean until 26 weeks. That said, I've actually started at 23 weeks but this is due to my dd falling within the nhs's guidance for when a baby is ready for weaning and I feel she is ready. I agree with other posters that 26 weeks is guidance and the actual parent are best placed to decide when to wean (although I admit I winced when a school friend posted on fb the classic baby smothered in food picture as I knew her dd was only a few weeks older than my dd whom was only 8 weeks at the time).

I also get the ' your still breastfeeding?' and ' when are you going to start giving her formula?' comments. These are mostly from childless friends (and mother) who seem to be surprised that you don't actually need to ever give formula and can just continue breastfeeding.

So Yanbu to be annoyed but I wouldn't worry about it too much.

leaningtoweroflego · 27/12/2015 21:57

I got a lot of comments about BFing when I had DS.

It started when he was about 5 months old, with a mum I know literally badgering me to give up so I could "get your body back" and go out drinking. (Um, no!)

And from when he was about 10 months, people - strangers even - would ask how long I was going to feed him for (with the implication that I should surely be stopping soon).

I found the best thing to do was smile and nod, or just say "I dunno - sometime soon I expect" and humour them.

I knew nothing about BFing before having a baby, I thought I'd BF until he was about a year old. In the end I fed him till he was 4 years old (18 months in public, then only at home in the evenings and mornings after then). Your breastfeeding relationship is between you and your child, and nothing to do with the rest of the world - even if they think it is. It is an amazing source or nutrition, medicine and comfort, designed by millions of years of evolution to be exactly what your child needs. When you want to stop is personal to you, and needs to be when you chose it is right for your family. Interfering people can bog off!

Oddly I don't get these kinds of comments with DD. No idea why! Perhaps as DS was a bigger baby? Perhaps because the new town we live in is simply smaller so I have fewer chance meetings with random interfering-types? Perhaps I give off more of a don't-give-a-fuck attitude now I'm more confident about the whole thing - who knows?!

Do you know the Kelly Mom website? There's a lot of good evidence-based stuff on BFing - I like this page on the benefits of feeding older babies / toddlers

BumWad · 27/12/2015 21:57

My 7 month old still hates solids. Meh

doleritedinosaur · 27/12/2015 21:58

Just do what you feel comfortable with & honestly your baby will show you.

I had the water thing & ended up showing the nhs guidelines that breast fed babies do not require water on top & it actually can be dangerous.

Plus showed how much sugar is actually in a risk.

It's annoying, it's frustrating but I just smile & nod & say my baby, you've had yours.

It'll probably all be wrong in a few years but my baby was interested at 6 months but appetite kicked in just after 8 months & he breastfeeds less now.
Still doesn't sleep through though regardless of solids. Hmm

doleritedinosaur · 27/12/2015 21:59

Damnit it rusk*

Sparrowlegs248 · 27/12/2015 22:07

I am getting this a LOT op. Not one person in my ante natal group, or the 3 baby groups we have attended has waited til 6 months. DS is ebf and 5months. We are perfectly happy breast feeding. Yes he is showing interest but more in cups than food. He can't sit unaided but can stuff everything he gets his hands on into his mouth. I was hoping for a baby led weaning book for Christmas but clearly no one was listening...... That is the way we Will go starting around 6 months.

Honestly the other mum at baby group look at me like I'm an idiot, shaking their heads etc when i say 'the current guidelines say 6 months' (oh no I started at 3 etc)

DS is a big healthy baby, feeds less often now than ever, still gaining weight.

Relatives asking if he can have a biscuit. Ffs .

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