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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if you want something specific you should save up and buy it for yourselves....

24 replies

m0therofdragons · 26/12/2015 18:11

I can't help reading all these threads about re gifting and not liking gifts and think: so what, you didn't get what you wanted? How about you live with it and be grateful for what people were kind and generous to get for you. Stop making Christmas all about what you unwrap and enjoy people, quality time, love and laughter."
My grandmother once bought me a school bag when I was 8. It was red and black and I hated it. I was a very girly girl and liked pink and turquoise so it wasn't what I wanted at all and I knew I'd have to use it for a couple of years every day. Did I kick off? No because even at 8 I knew my grandmother was rather old and had made the effort to catch the bus and buy me a gift she thought I wanted. Even though she got it wrong I never said a thing and got on with life. At 33 I'm not too damaged. Can't believe how many adults don't get this.

OP posts:

rosewithoutthorns · 26/12/2015 18:14

Im with you OP. I don't get the ungrateful thing at all either :(

xmasseason · 26/12/2015 18:17

YANBU. You say thank you in appreciation for the giver's time, effort and expense, and move on.

sugar21 · 26/12/2015 18:21

YANBU
Why can't people appreciate that someone has thought of them instead of whingeing and saying poor me my present wasn't expeñsive enough.

AuntieStella · 26/12/2015 18:23

I think people have a little grumble/vent here because they wouldn't dream of doing it in real life.

Gratitude for being given a present isn't a synonym for liking the actual object.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/12/2015 18:50

YANBU. Adults should buy their own stuff with perhaps just token gifts between partners. Presents unnecessary and cause a lot of angst.

kittypaws · 26/12/2015 18:53

well i didnt get anything besides what i brought for myself lol

suchafuss · 26/12/2015 18:58

I think its more about people putting in time and effort and then feeling like the other person has not given a flying fuck when choosing something for them. Case in point my Dsis inlaw who after recieving a me gift i had spent a lot of time choosing gave me a bix of biscuits - have been a tyoe 1 diabetic for 41 years!

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/12/2015 19:01

It's also a bit annoying when people waste their money on stuff. Why buy stuff that is never going to get used? I certainly wouldn't complain to anyone, though.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2015 19:02

I think the difference is you weren't being bought a second school bag

I really want to use what I get and I said on another thread that I hate waste. We have secret Santa so no one wastes money. And we give lists of options we quite like (or ask for charity gifts)

Watchatalltimes · 26/12/2015 19:20

I agree with you. As I said on another thread, what happened to it's the thought that counts?

user7755 · 26/12/2015 19:26

I don't understand people complaining about presents either.

Some people aren't great at buying presents, some people don't have much money, some people just have different taste in gifts but the bottom line is 'it's the thought that counts'.

Anyone who can't see that doesn't really deserve presents if they are just going to complain about them.

IonaNE · 26/12/2015 19:26

I agree with you, OP.
LaurieFairyCake, nothing needs to go waste. You give the unwanted gifts to charity.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2015 19:53

Yep, said that on the other thread too about giving unused gifts to charity

I'm always very pleased if someone gives me a gift. Doesn't mean I like the gift or can use the gift.

thegiddylimit · 26/12/2015 20:11

'it's the thought that counts' is about the cost of a gift, e.g. a book the recipient would really like is a more thoughtful gift than an expensive piece of jewellery they won't like. It shouldn't be said by the giver, it should be said by the recipient about a lovely but inexpensive present. If the giver says it, it's code for 'I couldn't be arsed to give you something you wanted but hey, I 'thought' about getting you a present so you should be grateful even if it's completely inappropriate'.

The reality is we live in a world where we all have too much stuff and so most presents aren't needed or appreciated because it's more stuff we have to store in our small houses. Probably would be better to not get anything rather than fill our houses with tat we don't need but people like to think we have some personal connection with people we haven't lived near for 20+ yeas and so we have the family gift charade. Thank goodness for the Amazon wishlist, that's what I say, at least I can give gifts I know the recipient wants and get gifts I want in return.

Stanky · 26/12/2015 20:24

Next year, just ask anybody who is kind enough to consider buying you a gift to please donate the money they would have spent to charity instead.

It really does save so much stress about unwanted gifts, and nobody really needs all this stuff around. If you appreciate and enjoy Christmas presents as an adult then fine, but if all you're going to do is whinge and moan about unwanted gifts, then you may as well save family and friends the time and energy, and help out some good causes. You might even feel happier for it, and discover a new meaning to Christmas. This advice was aimed to all the people moaning about gifts this year, and not the OP. Gifting for adults seems to be a real minefield around here any way.

Nokidsnoproblem · 26/12/2015 20:37

I got Julian Clary tickets... I didn't even know who the unfunny fuck was until yesterday.

Not only is it a shit present, but I will now have to ruin an evening in April whilst I sit through his shitty show!

I never asked for this! But I have no choice!

Also, I will have to fork out public transport for me and DH as well as drinks during the show, etc.

DisappointedOne · 26/12/2015 21:00

Precisely why we don't do presents.

It's probably 10 years since MIL thought that the things I most wanted in all the world were a tea towel with a recipe for Yorkshire pudding and a Ronan Keating CD. An Oscar winner couldn't fake gratitude for those!

DisappointedOne · 26/12/2015 21:00

If love the Julian Clary tix!

DisappointedOne · 26/12/2015 21:00

*I'd

DisappointedOne · 26/12/2015 21:01

Oh, or my own mother handing me a present with "you probably won't like this".

thelaundryfairy · 26/12/2015 21:02

You are not being unreasonable. Sounds like you (OP) and I were raised the same way.

ImperialBlether · 26/12/2015 21:13

I think there's more to it than that.

If someone buys you something that clearly doesn't suit you (eg the diabetic given biscuits) then it's hurtful - it tells you immediately that either the giver doesn't know you as well as you thought they did or they just bought some random thing without thinking about whether it suited you.

Think about the orange, glittery, plastic carrot that one poor poster was given. Are we supposed to be grateful for any old crap? I think there's a huge difference between someone getting it a bit wrong and someone who clearly doesn't give a damn whether you like the present or not.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2015 21:31

I had to Google Julian Clary. Why can't you flog the tickets?

redexpat · 26/12/2015 21:50

Love languages people. Some people feel loved when you buy them presents, any kind of present. Others feel loved when people do thoughtful things for them. Others like to hear words of affirmation, others like physical affection, and others like spending time with their loved ones. We show love in the way we want to receive it. These threads on MN are often a result of people from the 1st group buying 'crap' (volume) for people in the second group. They in turn give something small or handmade (thoughtfulness) to the people who just want lots of stuff. Both expressing love in the way that the giver likes to receive, not necessarily in the way that the receiver likes to receive.

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