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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming....

23 replies

AllChangeLife · 26/12/2015 17:27

We were talking in the evening of christmas day about how long kids believe in FC. Long story short MIL then basically with no provocation got stroppy saying if I let my DC too near her she would tell them, and that I was a really bad parent lying to them and deserved to have my children lie and manipulate me. She has since been a total cow and making rude comments about random things ever since.

AIBU to be fuming? DC are quite young so very early on their understanding of the Christmas story, and I don't trust her not to ruin it for our family .

OP posts:

wannaBe · 26/12/2015 17:31

Yawn. 0-10

Original poster

AllChangeLife · 26/12/2015 17:35

Er. Pardon?

OP posts:

knobblyknee · 26/12/2015 17:35

Is she having a stroke or a bizarre seizure? Not being bitchy, genuinely curious. Ask her.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/12/2015 17:38

No you're not being unreasonable. The 'lie about fc's existence has gone on for centuries and will hopefully continue to go on for many centuries into the future. It's one of the innocent wonderous parts of childhood. That feeling of not being able to sleep with excitement and leaving a mince pie out for Santa, and carrots for his reindeer., because we really believed that Santa was going to climb down our chimney. The magic is indescribable, and to want to take that away from little children, she sounds very very wicked. And as we all know, once the magic goes, Christmas is never tge same. The world is corrupt and they need to maintain that sense of magic wonder and innocence for as long as possible, I believed until I was 13.

Original poster

AllChangeLife · 26/12/2015 17:39

No, she is convinced it is wrong to lie to children like that and is being a total bitch. Was quite verbally aggressive with it.

Can't ask her now, we have gone, but he would just say the same again.

OP posts:

Original poster

AllChangeLife · 26/12/2015 17:39

**she would just say the same again

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/12/2015 17:39

Also take no bloody notice of wannaBe's rude reply.

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2015 17:42

How old exactly are your DC? I think it's hard to string the fantasy of FC existing much beyond 6 or 7.

Did she not have her chance to tell them yesterday but presumably didn't?

Original poster

AllChangeLife · 26/12/2015 17:44

She didn't as far as I know, but then I wasn't with them the whole time.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 26/12/2015 17:51

If they are 2 I think you will be ok for a bit. Sounds like MIL is a bit of a character.

SisterViktorine · 26/12/2015 18:00

Is she religious?

SisterMoonshine · 26/12/2015 18:03

I guess your Dh didn't grow up with Father Christmas then?
Have you not had a clash with him about it at all?

bigbluebus · 26/12/2015 18:04

As a child I remember that I also carried on the 'belief' in FC long after I had discovered that it was my DF who put the presents at the end of my bed. I can clearly remember pretending to be asleep - and also discovering the presents in advance of Christmas in their hiding place. I have not turned into a pathological liar in adulthood. Can't see the harm in the FC story really.

SisterMoonshine · 26/12/2015 18:05

2? They haven't even started believing yet. It's all theoretical at the moment then. Maybe she was just trying to wind you up.

lorelei9 · 26/12/2015 18:23

I'm always curious about this
I wasn't raised to believe in this but my parents did tell me not to spoil it for other kids
But they all seemed to know anyway
So I'm wondering if you believe in it till late childhood it must be very upsetting to find out it's not real?

jorahmormont · 26/12/2015 18:39

lorelei I didn't find out until I was about 11. Kids at school told me he wasn't real and parents put presents under the tree - I told them "No, your parents put presents under the tree because they feel sorry for you, because Santa won't come because you don't believe in him" . One day I just kind of figured it out. First thought was "Oh. Alright then". Second thought was "I can't tell my mom, she still believes and she'll be heartbroken!"

myotherusernameisbetter · 26/12/2015 18:39

I have two very intelligent children who still believed up until very late primary (about age 11). We just didn't labour on about it too much beyond about age 7 - they had asked all the questions they wanted to when they were still young enough to believe the answers and then just didn't question it again.

I don't think they hate me for lying to them and they appreciated the magic that we were able to give them. We are atheists though so no conflict and when they realised there was no santa they also threw out religion and the tooth fairy etc etc.

I think your MIL is off her head and she is entitled to her views, but she is not entitled to overall your own views and parenting on this or most other scenarios.

myotherusernameisbetter · 26/12/2015 18:41

We go by the premise that Santa still exists within peoples hearts and it's a nice thing and not used to dominate or ridicule other people so its okay to make believe.

thelaundryfairy · 26/12/2015 19:05

You are not being unreasonable. Your mother in law is entitled to her views, but it was rude of her to express them so unkindly and it would also be incredibly unreasonable of her if she were to tell your young children that F.C. doesn´t exist.

However, Christmas is over now, for this year, and it sounds like you won´t be seeing her again during the festive period, so I suggest you put this behind you and then act with caution when planning how and where to spend the Christmas period next year.

DisappointedOne · 26/12/2015 19:19

We don't do Santa. Nobody else understands that, but they do respect that it's our decision to make. doesn't stop some from droning on about him to DD (5) but she doesn't really pay much attention

Your inlaws/parents should respect your wishes if it is something you want to do.

Original poster

AllChangeLife · 26/12/2015 23:20

She isn't religious...

I guess the lack of respect Is what gets my goat. That and the picking a fight on Xmas day for no reason. And then carrying it on into other things.

I understand her perspective but she has no right to tell me so horribly that my/our parenting decisions are shit.

To those asking about my dh. He is happy to do it as long as it doesn't drag along until they are in their teens. :-) apparently they did have FC, but it was ok for her because everyone knew it was not true.

Grr.

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BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep · 26/12/2015 23:41

ah well you will not be spending christmas with her againfor a good long while if she picks fights and is bitchy.

Original poster

AllChangeLife · 27/12/2015 00:33

Well this is true. I shan't be seeing her on Christmas day while she is still picking fights. Why would I choose to do that?!

I don't have to see her for a little while so that is a relief at least. :-) and breathe... I'm calmer now, but was spitting feathers at the rudeness....

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