To be upset

[usernamesandgingerbreads]

I have two young teens, i work on a low wage and get no financial support or gifts for the kids from exh so it is a struggle.
My Mum got them to do a Christmas list and bought all the smaller really wanted items before i did so apart from their big presents from me i got them general stuff they had not asked for because they had got everything.

I had struggled my backside off paying for two bikes as they had mentioned them as a main present because they don't get many presents and we do not have a big family.

My parents heard me talking about getting a tv for the dc birthday in February and have bought it but better than I would have got so with the best will trying to help have bought them an xbox and a hd tv. Of course the dc are thrilled but the two bikes i have bought have not even been brought down. (Dad stored them in his room and i cannot carry them) ive asked three times and been told the weather is rubbish and they will probably be two big any how and of course the dc have glanced at them through the door and gone for the xbox.

I know iabu but i went without for months to get them and i feel like i needn't have bothered .

Gosh, an x-box, TV, bike and other bits and bobs. That's a huge amount to get for Christmas even if you weren't struggling for money.
I'd be setting limits on the x-box time and sending them out on the bikes.

they'll go on them when the weather improves, dont worry about that!

it sounds like you've done really well with the present buying, well done.

God that garbled mess doesn't even make sense sorry. I am massively grateful for their help it would just be nice to not feel trumped and as though my gifts to the kids are a 'also ran' every year.

And yes imo two big presents like that is way too much and i hope it does not set their expectations for future years tbh because they do not usually get half of that and won't next year!!

I doubt your DC think your gifts are second best , they probably aren't even considering who bought what they are just enjoying what they have been given . Unless your parents are constantly saying look at what we bought you ( which it doesn't sound like from your post) I would imagine that you are the only one giving this any thought . The bikes will be used when the weather is better ,they are going to their mates etc . BTW you sound like a lovely mum and your parents sound lovely too .

I see what you mean, but when your children grow up they will appreciate what you did on a daily basis-and what your parents have done is lovely.

I'm sure your dc's appreciate the bikes too and will use them loads when the weather improves

Thanks for not flaming me. I am feeling particularly shit in general at the moment about a lot of things and its just felt like a bit of a kick.

I understand where you're coming from usernames. But I think you need to be kinder on yourself. When I read your posts what I'm seeing is not a mother whose family are treating her as the poor relation, but a mother who feels guilt and anxiety that she is not able to provide her DC with all the material things and opportunities that she would like. When other people buy these gifts you can't afford it simply plays into your feelings on inadequacy.

I get it. When my DC were very little and I had left their father, I was horribly, horribly poor. Every thing was a struggle and I felt envy and guilt when my DC's peers were going on holiday/attending clubs I couldn't even dream of, etc. I felt I was failing my DC.

What I did give them, however, was worth far more IMO. Stability, love, decency, an ability to appreciate the small things in life, the ability to have fun for free, the importance of cultivating relationships to carry you when you can't buy your way out of difficulties, etc.

I hope it doesn't sound patronising because when you're struggling and someone says what I just have, I know that's how it can seem because I've felt it myself. But as someone who's been there and come out the other side, I just wanted to say hang on in there and chin up - the best parts of my parenting and the bond with my DC comes from those days.

I'm sure you're a wonderful mother and have nothing to feel upset for.