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AIBU?

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Original poster

In tears today over sister's nastiness yesterday.

105 replies

Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 10:54

Yesterday DD(5) & I popped over to my parents to hand out gifts to my family (mum's had a foot operation and can't won't go out. DH gave us a lift, then had to wait in the van, as he has a cold and the family don't want to catch it Hmm

My sister opened her pressies (main one a beauty gift set, with mirror and lots of goodies). I know in the past she's like this, as her friends have given her the same brand and she's told me how great they are, yet she just sniffed, air up in nose, put it down, and said nothing (no thanks or anything).

As well as lots of little bits for her from me & DD, I gave her a some home-made pearl earrings, made from our late nan's pearls (my aunts, who had all our nan's jewellery) left these, not realising they were real. I didn't to start with, but couldn't bear to throw anything of hers away). She sniffed and said "I used to borrow nan's pearls all the time, she would have given them to me". I responded she was there when we went to empty the bungalow, and she chose what she wanted, and thought what was left was junk. I thought I was nice to share them with her.

Then my nephew (14). I gave him to big (expensive) gifts this year. One was a programmable robot, the other a game based on characters he loves. I was especially pleased with his presents, thinking I'd done well.

Now here's the killer. My sister took one look at his presents, said he'd not played with anything like that in 5 years and then said "well we've got a carboot to do soon, so you may get a quid or two for them". I was shocked, numb, and now I've got that lump in my throat and tears again. Stupid I know, but I honestly thought he'd like them, and we are short of money, so to hear they are considered 'rubbish' stings.

I got nothing from my sister (she said she didn't get chance to go to the cashpoint Hmm ) and neither did DD, even though she told me what she bought her friend's dd, who is the same age, and who she didn't even see yesterday.

After we left my sister kept on slagging off my nephew's presents and my son (24) stood up for me and called her a bitch!

Incidentally she gave my son a lot of Next vouchers with his name on, then gave him some M&S ones. He phoned her when he came to mine, assuming that one lot was for me, but she said she wanted him to have them. I'm not bothered about presents, but upset that DD got nothing and apoplectic with the comments over my nephew's gifts.

DH said it was lucky that he wasn't allowed in as he'd have ripped her to shreds, and is now warning that he will have a go if she phones us.

Please assure me I'm being oversensitive as right now I'm quite despondent.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 26/12/2015 13:44

Best off not best of.

Bunbaker · 26/12/2015 13:51

Your sister sounds vile, selfish and self absorbed.

It's a pity you didn't take the presents back home with you to return for a refund.

I agree that you need to tell them that you won't be exchanging any presents with them in future.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 14:05

scrooge my jaw is hitting the floor as we speak, what a disgusting and vile and toxic individual she is! I certainly would be going nc with her after that, and not buying neither her or her dc any gifts either. Did her dc like the gifts or did she make that decision for her dc. Not buying your dd anything Shock. I would have gone back to the van to get dh out on her.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 14:06

Op did you not say anything to her, I would have ripped her to pieces myself and call her a toxic and ungrateful little witch.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 14:09

No excuses should be made for that behaviour, I would not let my young children get away with such vile behaviour. That is the problem, excuses have been made for her for so long, somebody should have put her straight years ago. Just see your parents, and have nothing more to do with her. There is being straight and being rude, and she is rude and nasty. You sound absolutely lovely, can you be my sister Smile. I have a nasty toxic one that I went nc with her years ago, she and your sister would get on like a house on fire.

Lynnm63 · 26/12/2015 14:11

OP you sound lovely your sister isn't. Don't ever buy another thing for her and if you can get the gifts back on the premise of exchanging them and keep the money. Id also go NC, I don't see what you gain from being around this nasty piece of work.
Your son sounds like a lovely lad defending his mother, well done you. Id also let DH rip her a new one should she call you or visit.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 14:12

With regards to your sister, talk is cheap, nobody wants to constantly hear her whining.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 14:13

I would even call her up, and give her a piece if I were you, but over the years I have become more gobby, I used to be very timid.

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 26/12/2015 14:23

I think I'd have smacked her in her vile, ungrateful face tbh.

Violence isn't usually the answer of course, but a swift shock might just make her see she'd gone too far with her disgusting mouth.

Original poster
Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 14:36

Sorry I was out (seeing my son Grin

DH wasn't allowed in, as my DB is on prednisone (which funnily enough so am I due to asthma). Ridiculous thing is, he actually lives in the house attached to my parents (they built a huge extension and DB got the 3 bed house, which still has eternal door connecting them). DB didn't even come into my parent's bit when I was there, so was at no risk at all. Though, I suspect, that my Dsis was the one who didn't want to catch it.

I think you're all right in that it is more than just Dsis. DB is 40, works, pays no rent for the house he's in (in fact my parents pay all his utilities, and they are paying for a complete rewire, despite being disabled pensioners and DB working.

DB also threatens my parents. He owes them a fortune for a car he bought, then recently he insisted on buying another. Both my parents argued against it, but my brother got violent in the house, refused to help my dad when he got locked out of his car at my house (I had to get DH to leave work and get the spare key for dad). At the time I said I didn't expect them to get his lottery or coke the next day, but they did. And he bought the car, which has been declared unroadworthy.

I used to be full of drama. I used to post on here about my DH when things were bad. Right now my meds are right, plus I don't see my family anywhere near as much, and you know - things have got so much better. There is no drama, and I hate it now (the drama). I think I thrived on it, and looked for it.
There is no sense of responsibility in my siblings, and that is definitely instigated by mum. DB has been type 2 diabetic since late teens. He refused to change his diet, so is now on insulin. Of course that's not his fault. Mum said they should have forced him into hospital to change his diet, given him more help etc. She wants to complain to the hospital after my DD2 died (another bad sister moment, mum was looking after DD1 and she kept phoning them telling them she needed them to help look after the dogs she walks).

Thank you for the words, lots to think on. I am very timid though.

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 26/12/2015 14:39

She sounds vile op and I feel angry on your behalf because you sound so lovely and deserve much better. If she was my sister I'd be putting considerable distance between us. What a nasty piece of work. Would you feel better confronting her? I personally could not let it go as it would eat me up.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 14:45

I am afraid yiur parents have created monsters by the way they are with your brother and sister. They are too far gone too change, but the more people who stand up to them and their disgusting behaviour, the better. I woukd have nothing to do with your brother and sister, but gave some parting words and home truths for her.

flippinada · 26/12/2015 15:08

Oh scrooge how awful. And I'm so sorry to read about your DD2 Flowers. I think you would be well within your rights to cut them all out of your life.

Tbh they all sound like a nasty bunch. Yes, even your parents, who are reaping what they've sowed.

Justaboy · 26/12/2015 15:13

Sure there wasn't a mix up at birth she coming from some aliens?.

It does make me wonder sometimes how people get like that, it really does just what makes them tick!.

Anyway glad to hear the your Bi Polar is OK and under control that's a nasty illness to be affected by my late first wife had that.

Perhaps you ought to move up the other end, side, wherever of the county to be away from them!.

A very toxic lot!

notapizzaeater · 26/12/2015 15:17

I'm with the majority - I'd ask for th

notapizzaeater · 26/12/2015 15:18

I'd ask for them back and take them to a shelter somewhere - somewhere they will appreciate them. How rude !!

Even if she didn't like them she should have smiled and accepted them gracefully. Your brother sounds just as entitled.

dolly2016 · 26/12/2015 15:53

wow , how rude! I guess that is the last time you wil be buying anything for them!

Original poster
Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 18:01

Well that definitely is the last! Angry

Just spoken to my mum, telling her how hurt I was, and she just sort of brushed over it, saying she's been given rubbish gifts in the past, and has been polite, but Dsis shouldn't have been so rude, even if the presents were rubbish!

Apparently my mum now has the beauty gift pack, as it's not 'high end' enough for Dsis.

Poor DD5 got nothing, yet her friend's DD got lovely presents.

I have had enough. I told my mum that my Dsis was no different (in fact worse) than my dad's sisters, who always looked down their noses at us, but mum just said OK and changed the subject. She refused to condemn my sister's behaviour.

Apparently DB gave my nephew some money yesterday, but not DD. Even though we gave him a really expensive ring (amongst other things). Mum explained this away by the fact that his hand is bad (not bad enough for him to go over to his mates last night though.

I am so hurt. More so after hearing my mum gloss over everything.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/12/2015 18:09

your sister is a bully and i wouldnt bother seeing her anymore - what do you gain from her being in your life?

very surprised your parents didnt say anything Hmm

SuckingEggs · 26/12/2015 18:10

Life's short. Don't waste it on these rude people... Your mum sounds scared of conflict tbh. Your sister sounds dreadful; I'd go NC.

SuckingEggs · 26/12/2015 18:10

NC with your sister, not mum, to be clear.

PeaceOfWildThings · 26/12/2015 18:15

So birthday gift for her and her son from now on can be a pound coin taped inside a card saying 'I'm sure you can find a nice gift for a quid at a carboot. Enjoy!'

TheDowagerCuntess · 26/12/2015 18:27

Your siblings are telling you loud and clear that they do not appreciate the presents you get them, no matter how much thought you put into them.

So stop even trying. No more presents. You're never going to please them, so why even try?

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 18:41

Your mum has made them like this and her reaction is unacceptable. Go NC with your brother and sister. Nothing more to do with them. Distance from mum a but as well as she is supporting this.

bleedingheart · 26/12/2015 18:51

If you have limited resources, why are you wasting them on your spoilt brat brother and entitled bitch of a sister? You can't make up for their lack of love or respect by giving away more of your own. Your parents sound ineffectual at best.
A big box of celebrations or Quality Street for the household would have done.
Seriously, you need to reassess what you are doing this for. They don't like or respect you. They are selfish bastards.
Make this the last year you bother.
Focus on your nuclear family instead. Glad your son stood up for you, how you didn't lose it, I don't know.
You're a grown up, you know this is unacceptable behaviour, don't turn it on yourself. You tried to be thoughtful and kind and they threw it back at you.
It sounds horrible, I hope you feel better about it soon.

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