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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In tears today over sister's nastiness yesterday.

105 replies

Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 10:54

Yesterday DD(5) & I popped over to my parents to hand out gifts to my family (mum's had a foot operation and can't won't go out. DH gave us a lift, then had to wait in the van, as he has a cold and the family don't want to catch it Hmm

My sister opened her pressies (main one a beauty gift set, with mirror and lots of goodies). I know in the past she's like this, as her friends have given her the same brand and she's told me how great they are, yet she just sniffed, air up in nose, put it down, and said nothing (no thanks or anything).

As well as lots of little bits for her from me & DD, I gave her a some home-made pearl earrings, made from our late nan's pearls (my aunts, who had all our nan's jewellery) left these, not realising they were real. I didn't to start with, but couldn't bear to throw anything of hers away). She sniffed and said "I used to borrow nan's pearls all the time, she would have given them to me". I responded she was there when we went to empty the bungalow, and she chose what she wanted, and thought what was left was junk. I thought I was nice to share them with her.

Then my nephew (14). I gave him to big (expensive) gifts this year. One was a programmable robot, the other a game based on characters he loves. I was especially pleased with his presents, thinking I'd done well.

Now here's the killer. My sister took one look at his presents, said he'd not played with anything like that in 5 years and then said "well we've got a carboot to do soon, so you may get a quid or two for them". I was shocked, numb, and now I've got that lump in my throat and tears again. Stupid I know, but I honestly thought he'd like them, and we are short of money, so to hear they are considered 'rubbish' stings.

I got nothing from my sister (she said she didn't get chance to go to the cashpoint Hmm ) and neither did DD, even though she told me what she bought her friend's dd, who is the same age, and who she didn't even see yesterday.

After we left my sister kept on slagging off my nephew's presents and my son (24) stood up for me and called her a bitch!

Incidentally she gave my son a lot of Next vouchers with his name on, then gave him some M&S ones. He phoned her when he came to mine, assuming that one lot was for me, but she said she wanted him to have them. I'm not bothered about presents, but upset that DD got nothing and apoplectic with the comments over my nephew's gifts.

DH said it was lucky that he wasn't allowed in as he'd have ripped her to shreds, and is now warning that he will have a go if she phones us.

Please assure me I'm being oversensitive as right now I'm quite despondent.

OP posts:
needygonzales · 26/12/2015 12:05

It's definitely her and not you OP

Heatherplant · 26/12/2015 12:15

Nope, it's not you it's her. She's done you a massive favor though, spend the money on yourself next year!

sohackedoff · 26/12/2015 12:18

You should have asked "do you mean to be so rude"?

She brings nothing to the party, so to speak. If she were a friend you'd drop her. Perhaps you need to consider this. Don't feel bad about it. Feel sad for her.

SmellyFartado · 26/12/2015 12:24

Your sister is an unpleasant individual. And an ungrateful rude fucker to boot.

Let your husband tell her what an arse she is and then keep your lovely family away from her toxic behaviour.

ElsieMc · 26/12/2015 12:27

This is the end of the road for your relationship with your sister. Your parents should have intervened and she has seen she can get away with this behaviour in front of them which is unacceptable.

She has controlled everyone's Christmas and do not let her spoil any more for you. You sound thoughtful and caring; you are certainly not less than her because you suffer from bipolar. If she is not diagnosed bi-polar then assumptions and excuses should not be made for her.

Do not go to your parents in future when she is there. Protect yourself and your family from this mean, nasty human being.

I went nc around twenty years ago with DH's sister and mother. No more passive aggressive gift, worrying what on earth I had done wrong. My DH just deals with her now but nothing changes, be warned. She posts pics of presents that cost hundreds of pounds to her daughters kids and our girls don't even get birthday cards. People don't change.

emotionsecho · 26/12/2015 12:27

That's just awful behaviour from anyone. As others have said just detach totally, don't play her games.

I would also take back what you gave to both her and your dn on the grounds that they don't like or want them and then never, ever buy anything for her again. Send a voucher in a card for your nephew and nothing else.

The earrings sound lovely, such a well thought out gift and to have it thrown back in your face is utterly indefensible.

I am constantly amazed at the vicious, spiteful, levels some people will stoop to and I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of it. Please don't make the same mistake again, don't give her any opportunities to throw her vileness at you.

Put your time and energy into your own lovely family you will reap the rewards from themFlowers.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2015 12:30

Your poor nephew then. Sounds like he was quite excited by the present in the first place but is also scared of going against his mother. :(

I think Kurri's idea is a good one (although maybe not on the grounds of so many children) - just say that you don't have the time or money to invest in buying presents that clearly weren't appropriate, so you won't be doing it again and she needn't do anything either. I'll be impressed if you can do it without sounding sarcastic - I'd have a job!

Do please realise though that it really IS her - you sound fine, normal, lovely person, she is a class A bitch. Maybe she's not actually as popular as you think; she may have lots of acquaintances, and people to hang around with, but she may not have that many actual friends.

emotionsecho · 26/12/2015 12:31

Don't fall for her tall tales about her numerous friends, I would bet my house that they either don't exist or are transient because as soon as she shows her true colours she will be dropped like the proverbial stone.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 26/12/2015 12:33

I find a lot of 'popular' people are unpleasant, even downright nasty, when they don't care about the opinion of those they're putting down. The disparity between yours and your sister's apparent social success is more than likely down to the fact that she's more outgoing than you, more able to play the game of making friends with people so a certain kind of person goes along with that and lefs her into their circle.
Doesn't nean she's a nicer person or that her actions are always the right ones. There's a pjace in the world for introverts and you are of no less value than her for being one.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 26/12/2015 12:34

Or what emotions said! ^

originalmavis · 26/12/2015 12:34

Your sister is obviously someone who is so wrapped in herself that she doesn't really give a shit about anyone else.

If I were you I'd speak to my parents - calmly tell them that you are in no way a more minor person that her and that what she did was beyond the pale. Why should her shit behaviour trump your feelings?

You are disappointed that they didn't speak to her, and that by doing so they are green lighting her bad behaviour. Why should her bad behaviour be allowed to continue when it is upsetting, rude and absolutely outrageous? I'd also tell them that you will not be speaking to her again until she can act like a normal human being, otherwise you, your DH and/or elder child will have to tell her to her face just how bloody rude, arrogant, self absorbed and up her own arse she is. She can cry, tantrum and threaten whatever all she likes. She is old enough to realise that she just can't go around treating people like crap.

And yes, she may have friends but outgoing people do have lots of 'friends'. Doesn't make them good or nice ones does it? I find the queen bees have 'friends' who are more than happy to stick the knife in when it suits them.

Chin up. It's not about you - its about your mad sister. Try to find humour in the situation - it really is the only way for you to deal with it emotionally.

QueenArseClangers · 26/12/2015 12:40

She's a cunt.

You sound lovely.

Go NC.

You obviously have a nuclear family who adore you, concentrate on them and cut the poisonous witch from your life.

Have a look on the Relationships Board, some fantastic advice on there.
Wishing you a peaceful and kind Christmas and New Year Flowers

originalmavis · 26/12/2015 12:43

Ah queen, you've sumed it up neatly in 3 little words...

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/12/2015 13:01

'now that we both have several children it would be a good idea to stop exchanging presents and just concentrate on our own families - save a lot of bother and money etc'

Now that is words of wisdom.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/12/2015 13:04

Why is your DH not allowed in her house?

flippinada · 26/12/2015 13:12

Your sister sounds absolutely awful tbh and I feel a bit sad that you think you're being in any way oversensitive, because her behaviour was off the wall horrendous.

I suspect problems go deeper here than just bad behaviour from your sister. Your parents (frankly) sound rather spineless and pathetic. And why isn't your DH allowed in the house with a cold? unless someone is immuno-compromised that is very odd behaviour.

Gruntfuttock · 26/12/2015 13:13

NeedsAsock, that was explaoned in the first paragraph of the OP:- "DH gave us a lift, then had to wait in the van, as he has a cold and the family don't want to catch it"

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/12/2015 13:16

This is the second thread I've came across about ungrateful cunts in a space of a few days, and I suspect there are more that I've missed.
Is there something in the water, thats causing this ungrateful cuntness. How rude can people be. What a great example she is to her children. Teaching them to rude and expectant.
And as for worrying about catching a cold, Precious. I'll say. Xmas Hmm.
You should lovely, BTW and you did brilliant with the presents.

flippinada · 26/12/2015 13:17

Has any ever stood up to your sister, or called her on her behaviour?

Why don't your parents stand up to her - has she always been like this?

flippinada · 26/12/2015 13:22

Not allowing someone in the house because they have a cold is odd behaviour. People are out and about with colds all the time.

If DH he has such a bad cold he's a risk to others, he certainly shouldn't be out driving.

I suspect he wasn't allowed in for other reasons.

RaspberryOverloadingOnTurkey · 26/12/2015 13:23

TBH, it's not just your sister, is it? Your comment about your DB not bothering, either, and your parents indulging your sister's behaviour suggests to me that they are all like that in varying degrees.

I would suspect that you've borne the brunt of your siblings behaviour for a long time, and your parents have never intervened.

Do you really get anything out of your relationships with any of them?

I'd certainly suggest NC with your sister, it's definitely her, not you. And perhaps some distance from the others might help, too.

flippinada · 26/12/2015 13:24

I think you're spot on Raspberry

ScrumpyBetty · 26/12/2015 13:30

Next year get her a pack of loo roll and a lump of coal. Merry Christmas sister not so dear

Goingtobeawesome · 26/12/2015 13:35

The money spent is cheap if it means you are free of this bitch.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 26/12/2015 13:42

Well, the first thing that hit me was making DH wait in the van! For heaven's sake - unless you've got somebody having chemo or with a compromised immune system in the house, for whom a cold could prove fatal, that's incredibly rude in itself surely? How did DH feel about being made to sit outside like a naughty dog?

Your sister sounds absolutely repulsive OP, a truly dreadful character. Not only to be sniffy about the presents you gave her but then to give nothing at all to one of your DCs but lots to the other! Shock

I'm not sure why your parents didn't step in to remind her of her manners (mine would have) but I completely agree that you are best of as far away from her as possible.

How old is your DD? Was she hurt not to receive anything, as he brother got lots of vouchers?

I wouldn't have let my 4 year old get away with responding in such a way to a present, let alone anyone old enough to know better!

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