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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In tears today over sister's nastiness yesterday.

105 replies

Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 10:54

Yesterday DD(5) & I popped over to my parents to hand out gifts to my family (mum's had a foot operation and can't won't go out. DH gave us a lift, then had to wait in the van, as he has a cold and the family don't want to catch it Hmm

My sister opened her pressies (main one a beauty gift set, with mirror and lots of goodies). I know in the past she's like this, as her friends have given her the same brand and she's told me how great they are, yet she just sniffed, air up in nose, put it down, and said nothing (no thanks or anything).

As well as lots of little bits for her from me & DD, I gave her a some home-made pearl earrings, made from our late nan's pearls (my aunts, who had all our nan's jewellery) left these, not realising they were real. I didn't to start with, but couldn't bear to throw anything of hers away). She sniffed and said "I used to borrow nan's pearls all the time, she would have given them to me". I responded she was there when we went to empty the bungalow, and she chose what she wanted, and thought what was left was junk. I thought I was nice to share them with her.

Then my nephew (14). I gave him to big (expensive) gifts this year. One was a programmable robot, the other a game based on characters he loves. I was especially pleased with his presents, thinking I'd done well.

Now here's the killer. My sister took one look at his presents, said he'd not played with anything like that in 5 years and then said "well we've got a carboot to do soon, so you may get a quid or two for them". I was shocked, numb, and now I've got that lump in my throat and tears again. Stupid I know, but I honestly thought he'd like them, and we are short of money, so to hear they are considered 'rubbish' stings.

I got nothing from my sister (she said she didn't get chance to go to the cashpoint Hmm ) and neither did DD, even though she told me what she bought her friend's dd, who is the same age, and who she didn't even see yesterday.

After we left my sister kept on slagging off my nephew's presents and my son (24) stood up for me and called her a bitch!

Incidentally she gave my son a lot of Next vouchers with his name on, then gave him some M&S ones. He phoned her when he came to mine, assuming that one lot was for me, but she said she wanted him to have them. I'm not bothered about presents, but upset that DD got nothing and apoplectic with the comments over my nephew's gifts.

DH said it was lucky that he wasn't allowed in as he'd have ripped her to shreds, and is now warning that he will have a go if she phones us.

Please assure me I'm being oversensitive as right now I'm quite despondent.

OP posts:
80sMum · 26/12/2015 11:18

I am shocked that anyone would behave in such a spiteful and rude way, OP! Why do you bother getting presents? I wouldn't! Save your money next year and treat yourself and your own family instead.

DeltaZeta · 26/12/2015 11:19

No, she wasn't 'blunt' she was unforgivably rude and fucking nasty.

Disengage and leave her to it. No way would she be getting another present from me.

cakedup · 26/12/2015 11:19

I am literally gobsmacked by posts like these. I have never known anyone in my whole life to act like this when receiving presents (and that includes children).

Why in the world would you think you were being oversensitive OP?

I think I would take back the 'shit' presents, on the pretext that I'll be exchanging them. Then I'd get a refund and keep the money. Then I'd go NC with the ungrateful 'bitch' as your son so rightly called her. If she is like this over receiving presents on Christmas day then I can't imagine she is that great in general.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 26/12/2015 11:21

Well on the plus side you have raised a lovely son !

Obviously your sister is a bitch.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 26/12/2015 11:22

I'd have taken them back as said I would give them to someone who would appreciate them !

thelaundryfairy · 26/12/2015 11:23

So sorry to hear this. I can´t believe anyone past puberty would behave like this. Your sister must have very low self-esteem to need to behave so unkindly and unappreciatively towards others. Please make alternative arrangements for your Christmas Day in future so that no one has to be upset by her again.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the festive period with your family.

candykane25 · 26/12/2015 11:24

Save this thread somewhere and reread it when you are Christmas shopping next year to remind you to spend the money and time and effort in yourself.
If you want to treat your nephew, perhaps an Amazon voucher? And smile sweetly and if she still finds something to bitch about, well, accept its just not possible to make her happy. So no point trying x

ForeverLivingMyArse · 26/12/2015 11:26

Wow! Didn't your mum say anything?

IWasHereBeforeTheHack · 26/12/2015 11:41

YADNBU
You are not over-sensitive. Your sister does not deserve you. Remember this next year.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2015 11:43

Definitely not over-sensitive, no, she was an out-and-out bitch to you and your DD. And not much better to your DS, despite the vouchers.

Did you see your DN? Did he like his presents, regardless of what Bitchface said? I do hope so.

But either way I really wouldn't bother with her again. Certainly don't waste your money on her, and maybe vouchers are the way to go with DN (they're a bit harder to carboot, and make sure they're for a place that your sister can't use them in)

So sorry you were treated like this, it's utterly awful. :( Thanks

Squeegle · 26/12/2015 11:45

Absolutely unbelievably rude and malicious. I would avoid her. She has issues.

Iammad · 26/12/2015 11:47

Awful, I personally think all your gifts were well thought out and lovely.
Your sister just sounds like an entitled,nasty bitch.
I would serously not bother in future.

Boomingmarvellous · 26/12/2015 11:48
Flowers Honestly I can't express how horrified I am at your sisters behaviour. I can't understand how anyone can be so vile.

I'd be more than flattened by this. Really just don't bother speaking to her again. You deserve better than her. Just cut her out of your life.

Boomingmarvellous · 26/12/2015 11:49

And your presents were lovely.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 26/12/2015 11:51

Send your DH back today to get the presents. Really that kind of behaviour from a grown woman and infront of her children is quite quite awful.

Your parents are enabling her completely.

Enjoy Christmas with your lovely family.

KurriKurri · 26/12/2015 11:53

I used to get this sort of crap from my eldest sister every year -birthdays Christmas -slagging off presents, giving nothing in return -leaving out selected children etc etc. It was a power trip by her, because like your sister she is a nasty piece of work.

So one year after my son received a broken plastic gun (she knew I didn't like him having toy guns) several days after his birthday (with a scribbled note saying her kids had 'accidently' opened the present and broken it) I rang her and politely said 'now that we both have several children it would be a good idea to stop exchanging presents and just concentrate on our own families - save a lot of bother and money etc'

I was polite but firm and we haven't exchanged gifts ever since. I will not tolerate people using gift giving and receiving as some sort of passive aggressive means of hurting other people, and my life has been much more stress free since I put my foot down.

I suggest you do the same - and you won't have to go through this nonsense each year and spend your happy family time crying about the actions of a nasty person - believe me life is too short, set your own boundaries, take back control and don't take crap from other people.

I'm sorry your sister was horrible and you were upset - I really do understand how it feels - but don't allow it to hurt you any more because that's what she wants, put it from your mind, concentrate on your own lovely family. Flowers

lorelei9 · 26/12/2015 11:54

That's awful
I would go NC
Agree your parents are enabling her
Also think that you should get gifts back as you know they are going to be car booted
How awful of her.

ghostspirit · 26/12/2015 11:55

i honestly think the threads i have read since yesterday have been about ungratful people. who dont like their gifts. and dont give a shit how they make people feel. makes me glad its just me and my kids really.

Original poster
Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 11:56

I have no idea what DN thought. He was explaining what the game was about to my dad... then my sister mentioned the carboot sale, he looked sheepish and put it back in the wrapping. I did say to him that I hoped he'd get use out of them, and enjoy them.

Mum & dad are a bit scared of Dsis. She has been known to go off in terrible moods, threatening to crash her car even, when her son was young, if she didn't get her own way. His school involved social services, when he was at primary, and he was always late, and late being picked up. My sister was furious, saying that she was working, and how obstructive they were in helping her out. The case was closed though, after she agreed certain things, although recently DN's secondary teacher asked Dsis if she could do with their help.

I've just remembered something else. At my sister's wedding (she's divorced now) I met a man I really got on well with, but never took his number.

A few years later he rang me and asked me out, after my sister gave him my number. She was very encouraging - he was a multi-millionaire, but to be honest, the money meant nothing to me. I'd been a single parent for 16 years, so was flattered and over-invested. I fell heavily and stupidly. He was a player. Turns out my sister knew this, and the fact that he was married Angry and my then BIL had told her to warn me. When I asked why she hadn't, she told me she hoped I'd get pregnant, and as he was so rich, I'd be set for life!

OP posts:
MizK · 26/12/2015 11:56

If any of my siblings spoke to me like that they would get put very firmly in their place. Who the fuck is she to behave like that?

My sisters are bloody lovely but if they behaved like that I wouldn't be spending time, money or energy on them. I'm glad your own immediate family stick up for you but ultimately you need to tell her about herself.

onecurrantbun1 · 26/12/2015 11:58

Honestly up until you mentioned your nephew I was prepared to say you were being a little U to expect much gratitude from a stroppy teenage girl, but that your mum or dad should have stepped in... I was expecting your sister to be about 13! Since she is a grown adult, she is a complete cow and I wouldn't waste time or money on her again.

Glad your DS said something to her.

LagunaBubbles · 26/12/2015 11:59

I think the most telling thing is you thought you were being over sensitive! Your sister sounds a real nasty piece of work. It never ceases to amaze me how badly some people let themselves be treated just because it's "family".

needygonzales · 26/12/2015 12:00

OP your presents sound bloody lovely. I wish you were my sister!

Please don't bother with your rude and nasty sister, she's not worth your time. You deserve so much better and I'm so glad your son and husband have your back on this. Your sister sounds truly nuts.

Original poster
Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 12:02

I think part of the problem is my sister is 'popular' and I'm not. I'm more reserved than her, more private etc. She will tell complete strangers her problems, whereas (in real life) I tend to keep myself to myself more.

I also have bipolar, though my mood swings are nowhere near as extreme as hers (mum excuses her by saying she must have bipolar too, but her moods go within minutes, whereas I have depression/mania for a longer period, and it doesn't turn on a pin).

OP posts:
Original poster
Scroogehaditright15 · 26/12/2015 12:03

Thank you for the lovely words Flowers. What I meant previously is that having bipolar makes me feel 'freaky' and Dsis goes on about her numerous friends, and I feel left out. So I can't help but think it's me, not her.

OP posts: