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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I just been a massive wanker?

100 replies

trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2015 18:34

I've got twin boys who are ten. One of them is at a party which was a cinema party. Instead of going for food after the film they've gone back to the home of the birthday boy.

I got a text from his mum (Who I have known through the dcs primary for years, and she is a social worker) saying my ds was panicking as they all are playing Call of Duty on the Xbox/PlayStation as he isn't allowed to.

Why the hell would anyone think it's appropriate to let ten year olds play that?

I text back saying absolutely not, and then got asked what games he can play. I've said 12 and under.

I feel really rubbish being put in that position, and even worse for poor ds. I hope he's not getting loads of grief.

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 23/12/2015 20:54

not sky, sly

Youarentkiddingme · 23/12/2015 21:03

You've raised a good un there OP.

My DS is 11 and summer born. The past year I've allowed a select few 12 films to be watched. When I've checked with parents they look at me like Hmm. I thought I was being responsible but turns out most of them watch 15 horrors and play COD etc.

hampsterdam · 23/12/2015 21:23

Scared of you? No love it's called respect. Respect your kids enough to protect them and they will respect you back.
She's a cheeky bitch. And also an idiot. Only stupid lazy people make excuses for why it's ok for their 6 7 or 10 year old to play 18 rated violent games. It isn't ok.

dontquotem3 · 23/12/2015 21:40

Alcoholic soda type drink cheerfulyank

ohtheholidays · 23/12/2015 21:58

She's a social worker?Really?

She sounds bloody awful,I used to work with SS as well.

ovenchips · 23/12/2015 22:22

Annoying but not end of world I would say.
The other mother obviously doesn't have the same values as you. But she still did contact you when your son alerted her to fact he wasn't allowed. Her comment was shitty but that was purest defensiveness on her part.

Your son stood up admirably to peer pressure and will get a well earned reward so the experience overall will stand him in good stead.

You've learned he does play an 18 game on occasion in circumstances outside your control (ie at his dad's) but that he hasn't come to noticeable harm for doing so.

I have a seven year old son and would like to think I could just chalk this up to experience (while removing other parent from my hypothetical Christmas card list).

Onwards and upwards!

FlatOnTheHill · 23/12/2015 22:35

Your not a wanker at all.

ILoveWillSmith · 23/12/2015 22:50

Well done to your ds OP, when my boys were younger - even if I had let them play on theses games, which I didn't - I certainly wouldn't have let other people's children play on them in my house.
I remember my ds being friends with a couple of social workers a few years ago - because of her childcare job - she was shocked at how liberal and very easygoing they were with their own children ( who were very badly behaved) while still managing to be very preachy and disapproving of what we considered to be normal boy behaviour from other people's kids.

SnobblyBobbly · 23/12/2015 23:41

I have a friend who brags that this is her 5yo daughters favourite game.....which she borrows from her 12yo brother.

MistressoftheYoniverse · 23/12/2015 23:49

No OP you have just been a massive mega mum! who has taught her boys respect, love and given them the confidence to stand up for your family's values...well done you!

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 24/12/2015 02:03

I feel reet chuffed with him generally, and regardless of the 'why' I feel so pleased he didn't have any truck with peer pressure.

Oh dear, been on the Wine and I'm all soppy now....

Hic.... Merry Christmas everyone! (We're doing Christmas a day early in this house) Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Atenco · 24/12/2015 02:54

I sent my 12-year-old dd to her friend 13th birthday party and went along as well as they were neighbours. Good thing I did go as they were serving alcopops! Aaarrrgghh

angelicjen · 24/12/2015 03:11

You did the right thing and your little boy showed massive integrity by speaking up. CoD is very realistic and very graphic. My ex used to play it incessantly and it used to give me horrible dreams. No parents should be allowing it at such a young age.

angelicjen · 24/12/2015 03:18

Just read your other messages. I bet you're beyond furious with his father!

Lostmyxmasspirit · 24/12/2015 06:14

She shouldn't be allowing other people's kids to do things like that. However I would have been far more pissed off if she had been allowing them to play Grand Theft Auto or Saints Row. Call of Duty although rated 18 is just a war game where people shoot each other. Not great but a child old enough to understand the news understands that this happens in real life and is just a game

Nataleejah · 24/12/2015 08:18

I wish that people would stop putting CoD and GTA in the same category.
In CoD you are a soldier. the WW2 games are quite educational in terms of history.
In GTA you are a violent criminal and a drug dealer. Massive difference

My own DC were introduced to age inappropriate content by their older cousins. I drew the line that certain games can be played at X's house, but we're not buying them for here. I do allow quite a few 16-18 games, don't make a big deal out of it my DC still gravitate towards whats a hit for their age group like Minecraft and Super Mario

DaphneGaffney · 24/12/2015 08:32

I'm Shock at the 13yr olds drinking alcopops people have mentioned. My dd is nearly 13yrs and some of her friends are already, it wouldn't even occur to her or any of her friends to ask for alcopops and no WAY parents would allow it!

Perniciousness · 24/12/2015 08:44

Ohh stealth parenting boast Wink

Of course YANBU but you knew that already Smile

I agree COD isn't the worst and I think there is an option to choose less gore but my DC were not allowed to play it until much older. I didn't like first person shooter in general.

Potterwolfie · 24/12/2015 08:49

You did the right thing, absolutely. When my DS was 8 and at a friend's house, he told the mum he wasn't allowed to watch a 12 film, I think it was a Spiderman one, and she arranged for them all to watch a PG film.

I was really impressed by her reaction and more so, by his courage to speak up in front of his friends.

Washediris · 24/12/2015 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 24/12/2015 09:24

Be proud of your DS for sticking to the rules even when "all the other kids are doing it" We have a no game above a 12 rule for the older ones and pg for the youngest.

CrabbyCockwomble · 24/12/2015 09:58

Trashkins I can't imagine you ever being a massive wanker, tbh. Of course YANBU, the woman's an irresponsible loon.

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 24/12/2015 20:42

Thanks crabby, I hate it when I doubt myself. Oh thanks so much everyone, for all the lovely things being said.

Yep, I could cheerfully strangle their dad. He announced he'd shown them Jackass the other day....

OP posts:
IamactuallytherealJeff · 24/12/2015 21:01

I'm not really sure if exposing to them to things and having healthy discussion about their own judgement and choices is better than saying. 'That's an 18 game you're not plying that until you're 18' ... And then realising they will ply it anyway and be one of those kids who goes to friends houses and ignores them because they want to play a particular game.

It's interesting being a parent to older teens and seeing their journey and also being a parents to primary age children too.

Being a social worker may or may not be relevant.

If you think you're a better parent banning your child from a game until they each the right age then that's fine! Your choice.

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 25/12/2015 00:42

iam I feel like you've missed the point a bit. I have the feeling that it's better for their brain development to avoid things which will shock or traumatise them beyond their ability to cope, and I have a basic trust that the age cert is generally in line with development stages. Obviously it isn't gospel. I do feel better about my parenting now, than the parenting my eldest received. The large age gap between him and the twins serves to exacerbate those feelings, plus it was when I was hugely entrenched with my abusive family.

I will never forget my eldest do coming home from visiting my father (who I'm nc with for 5+ years for a host of dreadful crimes) and he'd been allowed to watch kill bill. He was around seven or eight years old. He was just saying 'kill bill' over and over again with an odd smile. Trying to save face in front of grandad I now realise, but shocked and at some level, yes, traumatised by what he'd seen.

As I distanced myself from my family, I had to redraw my own parenting blueprint. Because I had to staunchly defend my choices, I second guessed a lot. Age certs are so easy for me to make a decision about that I don't, but I do still try to reflect on my decisions, with a mind to tweak or change if needed. I guess that's where my 'was I a wanker' worry came in.

I don't look down on others who choose to let their dcs watch above age, but I feel better about my own parenting when mine don't. It feels right to me.

OP posts:
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