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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have I just been a massive wanker?

100 replies

trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2015 18:34

I've got twin boys who are ten. One of them is at a party which was a cinema party. Instead of going for food after the film they've gone back to the home of the birthday boy.

I got a text from his mum (Who I have known through the dcs primary for years, and she is a social worker) saying my ds was panicking as they all are playing Call of Duty on the Xbox/PlayStation as he isn't allowed to.

Why the hell would anyone think it's appropriate to let ten year olds play that?

I text back saying absolutely not, and then got asked what games he can play. I've said 12 and under.

I feel really rubbish being put in that position, and even worse for poor ds. I hope he's not getting loads of grief.

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 23/12/2015 19:40

Or he has gotten used to the fact that there are different rules when he stays with Mum to when he is with Dad.

Jw35 · 23/12/2015 19:40

He's terrified of you..Hmm a child doesn't always do the right thing out of fear! Bloody hell!

HanSolo · 23/12/2015 19:42

Wow- he's scared of you because you've taught him to do the right thing? I really worry for society, I really do.

HermioneWeasley · 23/12/2015 19:47

The mum sounds like a grade A bitch

SoConfused15 · 23/12/2015 19:47

So he's allowed to play this game at his dad's house? Why did he not tell the OP about this before?

WoodHeaven · 23/12/2015 19:54

I would be Hmm at a social worker thinking it's ok to have a group of 10yo playing on a 18+ game.
And even more Hmm at her suggesting that you must a horrible mum because your chiild was insistent he didn't want to play....

SootyTheCat · 23/12/2015 19:55

I have vivid memories of being at a sleepover, age 9, we all went to the video store and the birthday girl wanted to chose dirty dancing. However the girl's mum loudly said that she couldn't because my mother said no 15 or 18 films... followed by sighs and filthy looks from all the other girls as I sank into the floor.

Instead we got arachnophobia out and, as well as being the social outcast for the sleepover, I've been terrified of spiders ever since! Thanks mum!

Not sure what the moral of that anecdote is. I know why my mum did it and would do the same to my kids now. Maybe nothing you do as a parent is right?!

shazzarooney99 · 23/12/2015 20:01

I am sure i read somewhere that any children that are found to e plain inapropriate games get reported to socail services and that schools are looking out for it too.

Original poster
trashcanjunkie · 23/12/2015 20:06

He said he knew because it was 'on my watch' that he wasn't allowed on. I have made my feelings pretty plain on the subject over the years. We don't have a console at my house. I've got a grown up ds, and I was a lot younger when I had him. Among other much larger parenting fails, I let him play on older age range games, which I now thoroughly regret. The younger ds have a genuine appreciation of rules and discipline. They like it, and I think it makes them feel safe and loved. (We discuss stuff like this quite a lot....)

There's so much cool stuff that's age appropriate now too.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 23/12/2015 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 23/12/2015 20:11

That frightened of you comment would have sent me over the edge! I'd have told her that I didn't appreciate that game being an option for a 10 yo and that she should know a darn sight better than to do that.

Ffs, I'd check with another parent before taking their child to watch a 12 film for crying out loud. My ds is 10, and I know what I'm happy with, and what he's happy with but I would never presume to make that decision for someone else's child!

TotalConfucius · 23/12/2015 20:16

It gets worse. When DH dropped 13 yr old DD off at a sleepover recently, the mother asked HOW MANY Wickeds (?) she was allowed. DH nearly spontaneously combusted.

WoodHeaven · 23/12/2015 20:19

I have to say, all the parents around here will ask the other children's parents if they are happy for their dc to watch/play on 12+, let alone 18+, games when they are 10yo.

Italiangreyhound · 23/12/2015 20:22

Op you were totally in the right and your son is a credit to you.

CheerfulYank · 23/12/2015 20:26

What are Wickeds?

YADNAW.

Pythonesque · 23/12/2015 20:27

My daughter's boarding mistress checked with us before taking the older boarders to a 12+ film rather than the one the younger ones were watching; approx 3 weeks before her 12th birthday.

Narp · 23/12/2015 20:29

The mother is a wanker, IMO.

Maybe somewhere underneath she feels a bit guilty about her decision-making (she should) and is projecting it onto you (she should know better)

flippinada · 23/12/2015 20:35

You're not a wanker. I wouldn't want my DS playing that either (he's 11).

I'd also respect the parents views - one of my son's friends visited for a sleepover and we were choosing a film to watch; I suggested the Simpsons Movie and he said he wasn't allowed to watch the Simpsons. Absolutely fine, we chose something different.

flippinada · 23/12/2015 20:38

Sorry, that's not clear. I mean, if you have a visitor who isn't allowed 'x' because mum and dad say they aren't allowed 'x' then you respect the boundaries they enforce. I'm probably not explaining this very well...!

LittleBeautyBelle · 23/12/2015 20:40

Yanbu at all. I would not allow my 10 year old son to play violent trash games like that either, I don't care what any other parent says. The fact she's a social worker is really puzzling. She should know better, it reflects bad judgment on her part.

Be proud of your ds! His integrity shined today. You're a great mother and that is reflected by your son's honesty, obedience to the good principles his mother is teaching him, and his good judgment in the face of pressure from his friends and an adult who should know better.

shazzarooney99 · 23/12/2015 20:40

Oh and just to confirm i know this is actually happening in schools. xxx

swansolistice · 23/12/2015 20:40

Awful of the mother. YANBU.

PunkrockerGirl · 23/12/2015 20:45

Couldn't get worked up about it tbh.
I think Worra is right. Xmas Grin Friend's mum was royally played.

LittleBeautyBelle · 23/12/2015 20:53

I just read what the social worker mom said about your ds must be terrified of you. What a manipulative comment designed to make you feel weird as if you've done something awful. Don't listen to her! She's the one completely in the wrong especially after her sky comment. I don't think I'd have much to do with her from now on.

Agree with you and others, you need to lavish major praise and treats on your ds. Well done, ds!

And look, at least he was honest too about his dad having that game. Hopefully he will take your guidance concerning that and not play it at his dad's. I'm proud of your son and I don't even know him. Most kids would have been intimidated to go along.

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