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AIBU?

He made me cry

90 replies

FlowersAndShit · 23/12/2015 12:13

Just went Christmas food shopping with my dad (he's coming to mine for Christmas). On the way out of the shop he wanted to get money out, so he told me to go back to the car with the trolley, I said i'd just wait here. Then he had a go at me, said that I was useless and had been no help when shopping. He said when he tells me to do soemthing he epects me to do it. It was so unxpected I got in the car and started to cry. He gave me the silent treatment for 40 minutes on the way home. I have MH issues and went nc with him when i was going through a difficult time as a teen as he was unsupportive of my problems. In the last few years I've started talking to him again (pressure from family).

Every time he speaks he'll either critisise me, put me down or tell me how lovely i am. He's so intelligent and calculated and I realise how so many of problems stem from his behaviour towards me as a child. On the way home I felt so ashamed, afraid and like a little girl again.

I've already cut my brother out of my life for being verbally abusive to me, if I cut my dad out i'll only have my mum left. My stepfather is also abusive, so I can't imagine me having a normal healthy loving relationship with any man

OP posts:

Report

ImperialBlether · 23/12/2015 13:07

Have you wondered why he doesn't have anyone else? He sounds absolutely awful - really nasty and manipulative.

OnlyLovers · 23/12/2015 13:09

I hear what you're saying, OP. I think there's some good advice on this thread though.

You sound like you've prepared a lovely Christmas for the two of you. You are a good person and you deserve good things. I do hope you have a nice Christmas – and enjoy your new home!

Dickbumdick · 23/12/2015 13:15

Tell him to fuck off, life's too short for this shit

Gruntfuttock · 23/12/2015 13:21

Harsh yet fair Dickbumdick

Jux · 23/12/2015 13:23

What sort of things do you enjoy, Flowers? Do them. Join clubs, groups, societies based around those things. Enjoy doing them, be nice to people you meet along the way, be kind. You'll make friends. Then you'll make close friends. Keep doing all that. Then you won't have another Xmas like this one.

Your life will be what you make it into. Make it one you like.

for you, for this one. Don't listen to your dad. You can go nc anytime you want to. Remember he has made his own life, and he is alone for a reason.

You don't have to be what he is forcing you to be. There's a beautiful butterfly in there; let it out!

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 23/12/2015 13:31

You only invited him because he'll be all alone otherwise - I take it he's vile to everyone then? Two thoughts: firstly, it doesn't sound like his vitriol is personal against you, else he'd have at least a few friends. Secondly, you reap what you sow - so leave the bitter old sod to enjoy his own company. If not now, then after Christmas.

Gruntfuttock · 23/12/2015 13:34

TelephoneIgnoringMachine "firstly, it doesn't sound like his vitriol is personal against you, else he'd have at least a few friends."

Hang on a cotton-pickin' minute! The OP has no friends either, and nor have I, for that matter. There are many reasons for a person having no friends and not all of them are because they are unpleasant people.

FlowersAndShit · 23/12/2015 13:53

Now he's trying to turn it on me

OP posts:

FlowersAndShit · 23/12/2015 13:59

I told him he'd upset me, and he said i've upset him too because I didn't do what he asked me to do and that he isn't going to argue with me.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 23/12/2015 14:02

So he isn't prepared to discuss his behaviour? Tell him to keep his food - you're cancelling the invitation.

knobblyknee · 23/12/2015 14:02

I ditched my whole family years ago and never looked back.
Can you hear what you are saying? You would rather be in an abusive relationship than with your own company!

Next year go for cognitive behaviour therapy, assertiveness training, and find an interest that gets you out of the house and among other people.
You are not to discuss your problems with those new people...

Lweji · 23/12/2015 14:04

This bids well for Christmas.
Just tell him he's right, you're a bitch, he's better off without you and wish him a good Christmas.

FlowersAndShit · 23/12/2015 14:06

I've got the food here - shall I just transfer the money he paid? I bought him a watch and everything

OP posts:

Lweji · 23/12/2015 14:08

I would pay him.

Skullyton · 23/12/2015 14:17

transfer him the money and then call him and tell him you will not be spoken to like that and he is not welcome any more.

then hang up.

pocketsaviour · 23/12/2015 14:24

So sorry he's made you feel awful OP. Nobody deserves to be spoken to like this, least of all from a parent.

I recommend you pay him the money back (or take the excess shopping round to his and dump in on his doorstep) and tell him you don't require his attendance on xmas day since it seems he can't act like a reasonable, respectful human being.

Please come and see us on the Stately Homes thread in the Relationships topic - we are all children of dysfunctional families and totally understand what you've been through.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2015 14:25

What Skullyton said. Then take the watch back or sell it.

pocketsaviour · 23/12/2015 14:26

and if you've got the receipt for the watch, take it back, or if the shop won't give you a refund, ebay it. Don't give this thoughtless, graceless fecker any gifts - save your love and care for someone who deserves it - yourself.

Lweji · 23/12/2015 14:28

Or exchange it for a gift for you.

IguanaTail · 23/12/2015 14:33

Poor OP 😢🎄Take the shopping over to his house and leave it on the doorstep. Don't transfer the money - he will just say he is unable to go out to the shops and will be hungry or something.

Rather than thinking of it as a crappy start to Christmas, think of it as a positive step towards making you feel happier. There's no greater present you can give yourself. ⭐️

Blarblarblar · 23/12/2015 14:40

Give him the money back. It's all control anyway.
Return the watch.
Tell him to fuck off.
You are worth more than this.

zen1 · 23/12/2015 14:41

It is really hard to stand up to people when they have criticised you and chipped away at your self esteem your whole life. But you have done it before OP and you can do it again. You sound a lovely person and deserve so much more than being treated like shit.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/12/2015 14:42

I can't imagine me having a normal healthy loving relationship with any man

Telling him that unless he apologises for speaking to you in that manner, he can shove his Christmas dinner up his arse is the first step in achieving a normal relationship with a man.

I am sorry that your father is a total prick. It must be really upsetting since you have clearly been planning a nice Christmas lunch in your new home.

wheelofapps · 23/12/2015 14:50

Oh, OP.
I SO don't want your first Christmas in your new home to be tainted like this.
I'd take the food over to his and buy yourself some fresh if you can.
If not, keep it and refund him.

It sounds like nothing you do will be good enough?

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 23/12/2015 14:52

It sounds as if it'd be a very unpleasant meal anyway. I agree pay him back for the food and tell him he's no longer welcome. Return the watch for something nice for yourself.

Then cook the meal anyway and make it just the way you like it. Enjoy it in peace with people who treat you right. Or on your own. Either way, it'll be better than eating with someone who constantly criticizes you!

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