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AIBU?

He made me cry

90 replies

FlowersAndShit · 23/12/2015 12:13

Just went Christmas food shopping with my dad (he's coming to mine for Christmas). On the way out of the shop he wanted to get money out, so he told me to go back to the car with the trolley, I said i'd just wait here. Then he had a go at me, said that I was useless and had been no help when shopping. He said when he tells me to do soemthing he epects me to do it. It was so unxpected I got in the car and started to cry. He gave me the silent treatment for 40 minutes on the way home. I have MH issues and went nc with him when i was going through a difficult time as a teen as he was unsupportive of my problems. In the last few years I've started talking to him again (pressure from family).

Every time he speaks he'll either critisise me, put me down or tell me how lovely i am. He's so intelligent and calculated and I realise how so many of problems stem from his behaviour towards me as a child. On the way home I felt so ashamed, afraid and like a little girl again.

I've already cut my brother out of my life for being verbally abusive to me, if I cut my dad out i'll only have my mum left. My stepfather is also abusive, so I can't imagine me having a normal healthy loving relationship with any man

OP posts:

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Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2015 13:34

Keep doing that, mabey deleting and blocking his number. If you do make contact with him, he is going to be even more abusive for ignoring him. He is a nasty piece of work, who you do not need in your life.

liinyo · 31/12/2015 13:19

I would fully understand if you ignored him. He certainly deserves it, but for all his faults you do seem to love him and might miss him. Could you reply just once and say that you are blocking his number and will not be contacting him again until he sends you a written apology and a commitment to behave in a non-insulting and non-physical manner. That might set some boundaries but also leaves the door open for the future.

Jux · 31/12/2015 12:59

Well done on ignoring him.

awfullyproper · 31/12/2015 11:58

Just wanted to say well done for ignoring him. Keep it up and look after yourself. You do not owe this nasty piece of work anything!
I went NC with my horrible father nearly 20 years ago and I am much better for it. Wish it could be different, but he's not he is a screwed up bully.
I doubt yours will change, so you need to build you life, not allow him to bring you down.
Happy New Year!

FlowersAndShit · 31/12/2015 11:44

Just I've tried online dating but it's been a big disaster, plus i'm not keen on men anymore.

Lewji I don't want to report him, it won't achieve anything.

He keeps texting me and i've been ignoring him.

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Lweji · 31/12/2015 09:19

It struck me that comment about the father you need.

You don't need him. You're not being raised by him, nor is he a doctor.

It would be good if he could be a decent father to you, but at the moment he's a stone hanging from your neck while you're trying to go back to the surface.
If you ever resume contact it should be when you are healthy enough for his comments not to matter.
You don't need to cut all contact. Just keep saying no and that you have to go because you're busy with something.
Report him to the police if he's physical with you. Could you consider at least asking for advice from them over the headlock?

Justaboy · 30/12/2015 21:25

I do take on board the problems you have Flowers but i'm sure where there's a will there's a way and it can only come from you. Sure I bet you wish he was the dad you wanted him to be but he's far from that and it seems to me and others here he's beyond redemption putting you in a headlock?, that's assault!

Perhaps time to try something like online dating perhaps?, you might just find someone there who you can get on with understands your problems perhaps . Why not let this coming year be the one to make it all change as Its sure not going the do that by itself!

Anyway's best of luck whatever you do!

OnlyLovers · 30/12/2015 12:36

I'm sorry your Christmas didn't go well, but you sound as though you're feeling stronger about cutting him out. Which I think you need to do. He called you useless, criticised everything and had you in a headlock?

You deserve better.

Mmmmcake123 · 30/12/2015 01:17

He is not the dad you need in any way. Please don't try to hold on to expectations of him that will never be met, as it won't do you any good.
You can either accept that he is flawed, but in your case that sounds like it would be extremely difficult to do, or cut him off again.
Good luck to you flowers xx

Aeroflotgirl · 30/12/2015 01:02

He is not unfortunately so you have di do a bit of self preservation and cut him out.

FlowersAndShit · 29/12/2015 22:43

Thank you, I agree. I wish he could be the Dad I need

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Jux · 29/12/2015 18:36

He's a horrid man, Flowers, and what's more, he's a horrid man who is wrong. Wrong about you. You are not useless, and you do not deserve to be made to cry or called names.

Cut him out. Try not to feel guilty about it, how guilty do you think he feels? Not even a tiny bit, that's how bad he feels.

Hygge · 29/12/2015 16:37

I think I remember you posting about your Dad upsetting you before.

He's not a nice person Flowers and it's not your fault. He's said hurtful things to you in the past and made you unhappy, and he's wrong to do so.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2015 15:12

Op tell him to do one, and go to ASDA on his own by cab as he was so rude the other day. Yes do cut him out, you will probably feel a huge weight off your shoulders.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 29/12/2015 14:46

Oh Flowers I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's very unfair.

Remember that it doesn't matter who a person is, we all have the right to cut that person out of our lives if they are not kind to us. And that includes parents. Your father does not add anything to your life, and actually is a major block to your getting better.

And you can create your own family. Because a family is simply those people who add positively to your life. I think you'll find those people, especially once you've removed that negative influence (your father) from your life. In fact, you may already have some of those people in your life you just aren't able to see that they're there.

FlowersAndShit · 29/12/2015 13:47

Thank you all for your support. It's only made me what to create a family of my own, but that also seems impossible (mh issues, endometriosis, lack of partner)

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Dipankrispaneven · 29/12/2015 13:10

The only person who should be feeling guilty is your father. Forget him, concentrate on yourself and what you are going to do to improve your life. One thing is certain, you do NOT need him in it.

Gruntfuttock · 29/12/2015 13:07

Your not you. Sorry.

Gruntfuttock · 29/12/2015 13:06

I'm glad to hear that Flowers. It's a very positive and healthy decision to have made. You mental health can only improve when he's permanently completely out of your life. Think of it as your Christmas present to yourself.

TiredButFineODFOJ · 29/12/2015 12:50

You don't want to go to Asda with him. When is he going home?
If you feel guilty ignoring him, make up an excuse to lie down in your own room- headache, period pains something like that.

FlowersAndShit · 29/12/2015 12:45

now i feel guilty for ignoring him

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FlowersAndShit · 29/12/2015 11:22

I'm going to cut him out of my life. He just asked me if I wanted to go to Asda with him (where he called me useless and made me cry)

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Lweji · 29/12/2015 00:03

Sorry it went that way, but why do you keep hoping things won't go bad?
Do you think that was better than Christmas alone?

Please get rid of him so that you can heal yourself.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2015 23:54

Bloody hell I woukd gave left him at the blooming shop. That is another arse you need to cut from yiur life. You are unlucky to be cursed with an abusive family .

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2015 23:50

Omg - what an idiot, walk away from him, he's one of the roots of your problems,

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